Sometime last week I wrote on my facebook wall:
"Rachel LaTouf Perez can't express the words for what God is doing...when God says "no" He is saying He has something better for you..so often we see a "no" as a negative, but coming from God it is nothing but a blessing ♥ I am OVERJOYED as I listen to Him and see the blessing He is pouring ♥ I stand in AWE ♥ "
It was just a small "blurb" of what I felt in that moment, and I wanted to expand, and shout from the roof tops..but that was it..until today, God said, "Write"....
There are many times in my life when God has said no to me, and I argue and cry, and agonize and hurt..and only to either eventually find out that the NO was the best thing to happen, or protection over me, or something...and other times I just forget all about it...but He doesn't, and I wonder if He , well no I don't...I know He tries to show me why and how He said no, but sometimes I just miss it.
Most of the time I am a "seeker"...just meaning I seek Him out and look at EVERYTHING around me to wait for His reasons...sometimes they have taken YEARS, and literally I mean years....
and i am just seeing the BEAUTY in that no...it is BEAUTIFUL <3
But recently there is one that is just so beautiful of who God is, I HAVE to share it...this is what prompted my facebook update that day...
Two years ago, almost to the day, I took Kelli to the orthodontist, and we did a check up, and her teeth weren't quite ready, but we were going back in 6months and see where we were. Of course, we left that day with the quote in hand, and I remember praying over it..and yet feeling disappointed, because I knew with our finances it just wouldn't happen.
So, we didn't go back in 6 months, or a year..or a year and a half..we just said not now, because we couldn't...
However, last year I made it VERY clear that next year NO MATTER WHAT, Kelli was getting braces...my husband agreed, but I could see the costs flashing in his head...but I was determined!! And sadly when I am determined it is very hard to stop me or reason with me....
and I didn't know HOW she was getting them, I just knew that WHATEVER had to be done, she was getting them....and stayed in this mode and mindset until October....
looking at our finances and trying to figure out things, and praying that when our tax money came in, or whatever that we could get going on this..I "announced" it once again to my husband...who inside starting thinking of what he was going to sell to help, because he knew what this meant to me and to Kelli....while all this was going on God was working in me....and our money is always "tight" and we try to be frugal, and I am looking at things, thinking about when and how... and then it came....
"No"
I knew it was from God...but I answered "NO what?"
And very softly He came back, "No Braces"...
and I wanted to argue, I wanted to debate, but I KNEW it was from Him, and so I cried....
I cried as I knew I had to tell Kelli no...I cried because I knew what it would've meant to her ... and I knew she needed them, and I knew the reality was our financial situation is staying the same for a while longer, so I didn't know when or how a "yes" would come...
So I accepted His no, and I hurt as I told her...I could see the disappointment in her eyes, but Kelli is SO graceful, and she just said she understood...but a mom knows, and I cried more....
when I told Fabian I think he about fell over...his response was "What?" very quiet, and I repeated that God had said no, and it was a solid no and so we weren't doing it...he said "ok"
and later shared with me about getting ready to sell stuff, and whatever because he knew how much it meant, and while he was surprised by my change of heart, he all to well knew our finances, and so it went....
so we would talk about braces, getting them in a few years maybe...and I HATED it every time, I found myself feeling like I failed my child, a lie from satan...but it hurt...
and yet God would continue to give me a full peace of His no, and I knew He had a reason....
She still had to at least get her teeth checked again, to see where they were so we kept a re-check appt....but I had no idea what was in store.....
by this time I accepted God's No, and while I hurt off and on, that peace stayed, and so I trusted Him...and no one EVER knew how badly this hurt me, not even my husband, because part of me felt silly, it was "just" braces, but it was more, it was crucial time in Kel's life, it was another "No" to her, because of JJ's medical, it was her beautiful way of understanding why we had to wait, even in her own disappointment, it was all of it wrapped into this and it hurt....
then out of no where an email came..and because I KNOW this email was from God and just almost unbelievable I won't go into details..except to share that an "Angel" stepped in and God used them to say "Now it is a yes"
I cried tears of joy..I almost couldn't breath...I am crying again now because it was just that beautiful..and I could go to my daughter and share with her God's love and plan through all of this...I could share with her, my husband, and all of you that God told me NO, because he KNEW we financially couldn't sacrifice to make it happen, and He had something better in mind...HE already had a plan that took care of this, and He needed me to trust His NO, to trust HIM!
But it didn't stop there...I had kept the follow-up and just PRAISED Him as we went today...and I LEAPED for JOY as I saw her face, and I cried for joy, because my children are my heart and it was so good to see Kelli get her needs met in this way..a need I couldn't meet, but that God did through someone else's heart <3 ...but as I said it didn't stop there...
the Orthodontist is someone we know from her dentist and church, we have been at our church for 8 years, and know both, and so naturally when the dentist recommended him we said yes, and he uses our insurance etc...and two years ago when we walked in, we had to wait and they've all been nothing but wonderful and non-judgmental...her dentist even assured me from a "health" stand point she could wait a little longer, meaning nothing was going to "get worse" ....so we know God has been with us through this....
so after she finished her check-up we went in to get the "details" and costs etc worked out...and because her Orthodontist knows us, he has watched JJ grow, he knows what God has done and he knows our situation...but mostly because he knows God, and loves Him...he gave us an additional $1000 off....I sat in the office chair today in AWE...I wanted to laugh and cry all at once...I wanted to SING and cry more....
and to see Kel's face was just something I can't describe....
I knew our family was seeing what God did, and was doing...and keeps doing....and so I had to share....
whether it is braces, sickness, bills, cars, life, jobs, depression, circumstances...
whatever it is...take it to God, and wait....and when He is saying "no" wait...as I said above...."when God says "no" He is saying He has something better for you..so often we see a "no" as a negative, but coming from God it is nothing but a blessing"
God is here for US...He doesn't want to see us hurting...He didn't enjoy seeing me cry and hurt...He was waiting and wanting me to trust Him...He had it taken care of...He just needed me to wait and trust....
and almost 2 years later here we are...
now this is far from the only thing in our life He says no to, and it isn't the only thing He then turns around to a blessing...BUT it was the one that because of my "determination" and my YES, that when He stepped in and said NO, and then followed it with HIS PLAN...well I had to share...what a LOVE, what an encouragement to all in life...God HAS us in HIS hands..HE WILL NEVER LET US GO!
I Stand in AWE of His works, His love, His Holiness, His Faithfulness, His Promises, His Truths, His Righteousness, His Sovereignty....I stand in AWE of THE King of Kings who is THE Creator of ALL...He is THE Way, THE Truth, THE Life <3
"I trust in Your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in Your salvation. I will sing the LORD’s praise, for He has been good to me" Psalm 13:5-6
Love Always <3
Rach
