True Happiness

As CHRISTmas comes to a close..although it just ended yesterday so lights are still up and CHRISTmas music is playing around..I just have to sit...breath ... and take it all in...

yesterday as my children got up and opened gifts...we sung "Happy Birthday" to Jesus..we prayed..we laughed...after the presents were opened and music was going, my hubby started putting the electronic things together for Kel and I helped JJ get his toys out..I just had tears of PURE JOY stream down my face...it was that moment it all hit me..

I am in a point in my life where God has done so much work in me, that there is more of Him and less of me...and I am happy..it is a happiness like none other..

PURE JOY

In the moment as my husband is laughing with our daughter..and my son is laughing because he hears them laugh...that my breath is taken away..

I can't remember a time in my life that I didn't need or want for something..until now..I desire and am so excited to grow with God..I desire my family to grow to know Him..and that is all..

I don't want the better home...because this one has blessed our family over and over..

I don't desire a newer or better car because God has provided us both with dependable ones now..

I love my washer and dryer even the rubbed off paint and rust because it cleans our clothes and does the job..

I have clothes to put on myself and family each day...even when I wish for a smaller size for myself..I don't desire that for the reasons I use too..

now it is only to be healthier to serve God...

I wouldn't trade my old orange chair in my bedroom for anything newer, because it fits me...

I don't complain about mowing our yard, because we have so much room for our children to run and play..and a playscape that when I look at it each day, I am reminded on the miracle of my son (given to us by Make a Wish for those who didn't know)

The stains on my carpet remind me I have children who play freely without fear of ruining something..or my old cat who loved to knock things over..but mostly that my home is lived in and filled with life...

The bags under my eyes remind me of the late nights..and early mornings..but I find them a beautiful reminder of how we all age..and how I am blessed to get up each morning..and that I have children who need me and I need them..so I give a lot of myself to them..

the bills I pay each month...remind me I have a very strong hard working husband who amazes me in how he provides for our family..and I am thankful there is money to pay the bills..and that I have bills, because it means I have a home, car, light, water, gas, groceries..

The knees I have to get down on each day to praise my Heavenly Father for all this and more...to sit in His presence..to know Him..to grow to Him..to be carried by Him on the days I can't walk..to cry out in praise or in tears...to love me no matter if I deserve it that moment or not..and to depend on when needs come knowing that He will always provide..ALWAYS

"Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms. If anyone speaks he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To Him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen." 1 Peter 4:10-11

Believing in Miracles...and gifts

Today I received a slide show that had 45 lessons for living life...

I have to say it was one of the most beautiful I have seen, heard, read in a long time....

one of the "lessons" was

"Believe in Miracles"

And I read those words and had to stop right there and thank God for His daily miracles in my life...

so many wait to see what the world would call a "true miracle" and miss out on the daily miracles that surround us each and everyday...

like waking up each and everyday with breath of life in us..that is not something any of us should take for granted or expect...it is a MIRACLE...a gift that God has given us...He loves us so much that He created our bodies in a way that we wake up breathing every morning..and the morning someone does not, they are in HIS arms that day...

I lost my uncle this passed semester...i miss him very much, we emailed back and forth almost every week..he would send pictures of our family history..and he dreamed..he saw all the little things in life that we get to busy to notice...and he took time for every single one of the people in his life..at his funeral and viewing when people would speak about him they all had such a special connection to him...they all had stories to share..and he touched them each in a very different way and excepted them for who they were...he made you feel so very special in life...he had a gift...this was the first time I lost someone who was still so young and was so close...it hurt..and I missed him at our family Christmas...so the gift to breath everyday is a miracle...

I remember that each morning when JJ wakes up and is jumping on me, God reminds me of the endless nights and days I would wake up throughout just to see if he was breathing...and he has ever time...MIRACLE

Another Miracle is the ability to walk, talk, see, hear, understand, learn, drive...not everyone of us has these gifts but each of them is a miracle...we read in the Bible how Jesus made the blind see..and we think that is the only type of Miracle, but it's not...the fact any of us see is a miracle..what a gift He gives us...

and the gift to hear, or of Sign language that gives a voice to the deaf...I am very privileged and blessed to be in Sign Language this coming semester, and I will not take a single second for granted as I will be a voice to someone who doesn't have one...this is a gift to me...a Miracle to them...for my son the miracle to understand...he doesn't take that for granted and I don't anymore..not all of us have understanding in the way we were made..and when someone or many someones give that to us..well when JJ can say "Angels, I love Angels..they are from God" ..well that is a miracle....

when a College Physics professor takes the time to tell you how smart you are, and how how this is a gift from God...well that is a miracle...and a gift..that was one of many God brought me this semester

Forgiveness...this is a true miracle we all have the ability in us to do if we have Christ in us..without Christ we would not be able to forgive...without forgiveness we would have no one and the ability to love would not be there...forgiveness is a gift to give and nothing short of a miracle to receive...

many times I have been forgiven and I thank God for each of those, because through that forgiveness I have closer friendships, family..and a life filled with more love that i ever had before..I have received that miracle from God many times...to give that as a gift is just as amazing as to receive that as a miracle...this semester God worked through me to forgive some people who had hurt me very deeply..and above what I expected...and He allowed me to be humbled and ask for forgiveness from some people i had hurt very deeply...that is a gift

Prayer....what a gift...what a blessing..what a miracle...

we stay on our knees, we believe with all our hearts...we have faith...we trust God's timing...and we receive what we have prayed for according to His will...

that is a Miracle...the number of prayers answered in my life time I will never even realize this side of heaven, and I probably would become so overwhelmed I wouldn't be able to grasp each of them...but this year God has let me see one answered prayer after another...big or small each of them was the same to me...they were answered prayers and I can't gage which means more, because they were gifts from God...and each more amazing and I am humbled by them all...

and many more Miracles...flowers blooming, our car starting each morning (a huge miracle for some), a house to sleep in at night and turn into a home for our families...a place to go on the holidays...a warm bed to sleep in at night...bills to pay even if they are late, because paying them means we have a job...a CHRISTmas tree in our home..children, one of they biggest gifts and miracles ....a husband or wife to lean on when times get tough and hurts go very deep...a best friend, who for me is my husband, for others someone who has walked next to them...a besty to listen and be there when you call....a mom...a dad...a sister or brother...an aunt or uncle...cousins...friendships, true Godly friendships that you never worry if they love you...playing outside because you have a yard to play in...laughing so hard your stomach hurts..or crying so hard you can't hardly breath, it seems this wouldn't be a miracle, but if you can cry, cry to God it means you have not become numb to what's around you and that is a miracle...going to a doctor/dentist...sharing a cup of coffee...spending time with your teenage daughter and knowing you will be best friends one day...receiving flowers for being sick or any occasion...a card in the mail that simply says I love you or I care or I believe in you...a surprise visit from someone ... a gift on your doorstep when you wake up from an anonymous person or with a card from a friend...and so much more...

these are not just "good" things, or nice things...they are ALL gifts, MIRACLES...that we can give or receive...from God for others

Thank You Lord for each of these to help us walk through this life with...thank you for sending your Son, Jesus Christ, to save us...thank you for CHRISTmas and the celebration of our Saviour...for this and so much more...I am humbled and thankful

"For to us a child is born, to us a Son is given, and the givenrment will be on His shoulders. And He will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace"

Isaiah 9:6

In Awe....a Long Journey

Today I sat down with a friend, a woman, who has walked with me through some of the most difficult times of my life...

I met her in April of 2004...she came beside me as a mentor, but God used her friendship with me in ways that this world can't begin to put descriptions too...

On September 16, 2003 my beautiful baby boy, JJ came into this world...

he came in with half of his heart...he came in FIGHTING, but he wasn't alone...he had Jesus right there, breathing life into him, keeping him alive...I believe to this day that JJ could see Jesus, that he and Jesus were connected from birth...I know that Jesus talked to him, because in times when I didn't have words, well JJ had peace...it was nothing short of miraculous...

to this VERY date, over 6years later...I can remember that pain...

my chest actually hurts as I type because that pain goes so very deep, and it is only through Christ I can get up and walk through it as I do...

Back to my friend...she came into my life that April...JJ had finished his second surgery..and she was there to walk with me through some unbelievable times...I never knew what God had in mind...

she was PERSISTENT...I didn't want to talk to anyone..I was constantly exhausted, I hadn't left my house except for the doctors offices and hospitals in over 6months and for someone to come into my space was well...rather annoying at the time..

as a Christian I knew God had sent her...I thought really me talking couldn't be that helpful long term..REALLY...

she so ever sweetly walked beside me, and pushed me..and asked me the tough questions..she lifted me to Christ in her prayers...and she never passed judgement on me...

she saw me through 4 moves, and traveled anywhere I moved to visit with me..at least ONCE A WEEK...she never gave up..she LOVED me through all of my growths and set backs....

she saw our family through some of the toughest years...

today I saw it...I saw every step she took..God revealed to me in WHOLE how specifically He used her in my life...and I fell to my knees...

BUT He didn't stop there...He showed me face after face of the people who He has used along the way to come to Him, love Him, desire Him, and GROW with Him for Him....

this passed semester I had so many things go on...tonight is not that night to tell those stories...but they are coming...many of them..and I am excited to share what God has done...

today I am just in AWE..today I am in Love with my Heavenly Father who reached out to me from the very beginning...set out the people in my journey who would lead me to Him..not just to become a Christian..but to intimately KNOW Him..I am humbled by that love...and I worship Him!

To be continued.....

I can't believe how fast this year is slipping away...BUT rest assured ALL of you, it has not been in waste or negative...

God has been MOVING mountains in my life, and I look forward to sharing that with EVERYONE of you..my supportive friends, family..my heart...

HOWEVER...a little thing called FINALS has crept up....sometime after midterms it just blurs out...BUT I promise when this THURSDAY passes, I will share some beautiful stories with you of happiness, sorrow, joy, laughter, and tears...ALL for God's glory

I love you all and I will write in a week!

Please PRAY for me this week!

A Taste of Heaven...

Many of you may know or do know that my life in the last few months has had many challenges...many sad moments...many happy moments...I don't like the description of a roller coaster ride, because after you get off you have this false "high" or it also may indicate moments of uncertainty...none of which I have experienced...so definitely not a roller-coaster, but has had many real heavy life situations go on...

most recently having an allergic reaction to medication..

let me say I have PRIDED (bad word) myself always answering no to any medicine allergies...in fact thankfully with all of JJ's medicines he has never had one either...I will never take that for granted again...

I can also admit I love that my life involves very little waves...okay I know some of you who have known me would laugh, because the truth is that my life has been pretty close to hurricane level, maybe even tsunami...very truthfully spoken, BUT for me I would say since I have become a Christian that God protects me from those hurricanes in life...and most of the time I barely feel the waves...what an awesome God!

I feel blessed that His love pours over me that way...

BUT I held onto the love of the waves that through these hurricanes that God stood before me, and I (catch that I?) could handle anything...

now to be clear I hand it ALL to God, and I KNOW when He allows things to happen there are POWERFUL reasons, beyond what I see...

after months of many things coming like one wave after another...I KNEW God was preparing me for a change, for growth...He was desiring MORE from me...

I have been reading through the Bible through a "voyage" my church set up, where we read M-F and we know the body of believers in reading with us....

Guess what? Satan doesn't like that...I mean he HATES it...and knowing God's word is the area I have really been working on, and where God is asking me to grow...

for the first time I heard evil...it sounded like noise...it was scary..it was satan...his evil...BUT as I screamed for him to stand behind me in the name of Jesus Christ..silence and comfort fell over me...it was Jesus holding me...protecting me...

and I opened my Bible and kept reading...

the waves kept coming...

amazingly my head never went under as God held me up...but I was still paddling with Him..

then last week JJ's week was rough, I can't begin to describe it...and I had no strength left to paddle...I stopped...I thought I just can't....then my reaction to the meds came...and I just stopped even struggling...

guess what happened???

I was floating on the water in the arms of my Savior...my God who I know will never leave me held me...

the school year has presented challenges for me each step...my school and JJ's, and Kelli's thankfully has been wonderful...with each step I Trust God fully...

but grieving and letting myself just "be" with Him and not act is a challenge...this week it was not, I just "floated" many hours with God, some in prayer, many in silence...God allowed me to just be still with Him, He held me, He loved me...and He comforted me beyond my understanding...He reminded me that the stresses in this life are only temporary and that His promises ALWAYS stand truth.... I felt God let me know that what I have been walking through was for someone else...someone who would have lost their faith or never looked for it because of this...I am often reminded of Job, and how God allowed those things because He knew Job would never turn away...and because God knows I will never turn from Him, He allows this...I PRAISE Him, because if what I walk through saves one person, gives one person salvation..I will walk through fire for them..whether I ever meet them this side of heaven... and as I prayed all week..and sat quietly...God just raised me up, lifted my spirit yesterday...and this morning... My day has been filled with laughter...the kids just being pure and we laughed a lot.. after we dropped Kel off at school... me and JJ were singing "He never lets go" with K-love and after I said.."God is good, all the time" and ask JJ to say it with me...I tried saying God is good, and get him to say all the time..of course he repeated God is good...at the time I thought oh that is just an area his brain hasn't gotten (WRONG)...

it was GOD...just keep reading...

So I said "okay JJ you say God is good and I will say all the time"

So he did, "God is good" and I replied "all the time"...again..."God is good" and I replied "all the time"..again "God is good" and I replied "all the time"

"God is good" and I replied "all the time"

"God is good" and I replied "all the time"

"God is good" and I replied "all the time"....THEN it came from the purity of a child,

GOD SPOKE

as JJ said

"God is SPECIAL" and I replied with tears in my eyes "all the time!" ..again

"God is Special" and I replied "all the time!"...then God spoke again

"God is THE VERY BEST" and I replied still teary "all the time!"

again "God is THE VERY BEST" ..I replied "all the time!"...

by this time we are shouting praises and laughing and JOY filled the car....

then he said

"God is AWESOME" and I replied with laughter and tears "all the time!"

God spoke through my child...to my heart...from the PURITY of JJ...He spoke!

It was not an accident that JJ didn't repeat me and he said God is good...because God knew He would listen to Him...and I may not hear and the descriptions of God, but He knew my child would...that is nothing less than...

a taste of heaven!

Getting My Wind Knocked Out...and Gods Truth in

Do you remember as a kid when you got the wind knocked out of you????

Well it only happen to me ONE time...guess where????? YEP the monkey bars....and guess what???? Well any ONE of you who knew me as a kid already knows this about me...BUT I never tried the monkey bars again....

never

I wonder how much fun and good times I missed out on as a kid because of fear....I mean this truthfully...I had to be the biggest most fearing kid out there...and I praise God my children are NOT at all, Kel had some of that, but VERY minor compared to me, and she has very little fears now and when she does she is willing to overcome them...I admire that in her, among many other beautiful attributes God has given her...

now JJ has NO FEAR...NONE...NADA...ZIP...this I would say normally is "bad"...

and while I admit it is very scary sometimes, for JJ and the walk God has him on, this is such a blessing...still it keeps us on our feet ALOT, but teaches me how to trust God as a child does...this is something I admire in him....

so back to me, the very fearful, crying (oh yes I cried ALOT, which is funny now, because I hardly cry at all...go figure) kid...I was always afraid and fearing something....

WOW I have come a very long way and all I can say is that is ALL God, I mean ALL Him...I let go, and let Him take over and today I fear little to nothing....and when I do, He gently (sometimes not so gently when I am not listening) reminds me to trust Him....

and He uses my children so often to teach me....

this week I once again was on the monkey bars...going along filled with laughter and joy...and all of a sudden, I NEVER saw it coming...I slipped off and got the wind knocked out of me (figuratively speaking of course...please don't try to picture me actually on monkey bars, it didn't happen and not a good picture-HA)

but once again I was on the ground and all the air in me had gone out....I never saw it coming...I wouldn't have in a million years believed it could happen...but it did...

ONLY this time it was different...I am different...and that fearful child in me tried to come out, she tried to hide and not get back on...BUT because she no longer exists..she couldn't...because now I have a relationship with my wonderful Heavenly Father..so when that little fear filled girl tried to come....God said no...and He picked me up and gave me HIS truth...and dusted me off...and began to carry me through this week...

You see this time I got back on the monkey bars, without fearing I would fall again...Why? Because God was holding me on them, and I knew He wouldn't let go....

so this is what God held me through:

This week JJ was having a hard day, as I said in my last blog...and he does tend to hit and spit when he is beyond his limits and can no longer control his body...this in no way is okay, but we work with him...and let me say the improvement in that has been remarkable, he has come a long way...

sadly when this happened this week it was not handle in the appropriate way...and EVERY part of me tried to make it better than it seemed...I tried to pull out the positive, and give the benefit of the doubt in the circumstance...BUT I couldn't...I almost did, I almost ran and hid and once again walked away from the monkey bars...

until in his own words, clear as could be

JJ told me what happened that day...he shared the entire story...Fabian and me were in shock, and hurt...I cried, I cried tears of anger, and frustration...and I knew God had spoken through JJ...where JJ can't always find his voice, the Holy Spirit spoke for JJ, and in clear wording told the story of what happened....

let me stop for a moment and say I am choosing to not give detailed information on here, because I do not want to slander or hurt anyone...and to be perfectly clear the incident was NOT abuse in any way shape or form, just a situation handled very inappropriately...

all night I prepared for battle...I prayed for Gods armor, for the Holy Spirits words, and I called out to ALL of my prayer warriors to be on their knees for the next morning...and I know without a doubt each and everyone of you were...

I felt God...I felt Him so strongly..and as I walked into the school that morning to advocate/battle for JJ...God had already been there before I walked in and had it done...and as He walked with me as I entered in His armor prepared for battle...

as I looked for the person I needed to speak with, they weren't there and I had to say the words to the office staff

"I really need to speak with this person, until then JJ will not be returning to school"

I said this very calmly, and tears in my eyes...and let me inform you here that this was NOT easy for me, the whole confronting, and directly, even in God's love is very hard for me still...but I did it...the Holy Spirit spoke for me...

they found me the people I needed to speak with, we found a "safe" room for JJ to be in while we spoke...as I sat down I couldn't get one word out without tears falling down my face..and I began to repeat the story...I remember saying

"This isn't my son...we have come so far this summer...I miss him, and I want him back"

They know me VERY well at JJ's school, in a very positive and respectful way..they KNOW my heart for my son, and my willingness to be there EVERY SINGLE STEP along the way for him...but I still prepared for a "battle" knowing the "legal" process...

I finished speaking

I looked at their faces...and the tears in their eyes...I saw God there, in them..His compassion...and I KNEW it was okay...I saw God working...this all happened in ten minutes...and they said

"We will look into this right now, this is not ok...and we are so sorry...JJ will spend today in his old class if this is ok"

I agreed because I knew that was what God would want, and it would be best for JJ not to be taken out, which would have really messed with him...and he was more than happy to stay in that class....I left shortly after and praised God for going before me and handling that morning...and then I prayed that He would come up with a solution that would work...and if it wasn't something that would, He would help me to stand firm in His truths and speak for JJ in love...

I was weepy..I cried alot as I drove...one of my besties met me to help me through the morning..I thank God for her, because I don't know how I would have been if she hadn't been with me..thank you Green Alligator!

I made calls to update ... I prayed with people, and ask them to pray, as a solution had not been set...and I just let God carry me....

after a few errands I was heading to the school to get JJ for an eye appt...a little earlier than needed, just to check on him...and I got the call that they were ready to meet with me....

I headed to the school, got on the phone with Green Alligator, who talked me through as I drove...I didn't know what to expect...I didn't know HOW the solution would work...nothing I could imagine would turn out positive, because I didn't want anyone to lose a job, or anything like that, or have JJ in the younger group...and I couldn't see a solution, but I knew God could...then Alicia Rivet (Green Alligator) ask how far I was away, which was less than ten minutes...and she began to pray...

I cried the moment she addressed God...and shook in His presence...I felt Him right there...her words to Him were nothing less than perfect as we both cried...and I knew it was okay...

I walked in, waited for the meeting ...

when it began, I saw God all around the room...as they had told me what they talked with everyone about and how JJ's story had been FULLY confirmed...and the solution...

Academically JJ is above average for his age when he is one to one...in a group lower, but very bright, and very "ahead"...it just doesn't always come out...

so he has been moved to the older Life Skills room, the children are overall very calm, and they idea is to push him...which he needs...of course his inclusion will began, so that he can become acclimated to a Kindergarten room, but this will provide a safe, calm environment for him to grow in, and learn...

I began to cry again...remember I don't cry often, but this week I did...and these tears and all of them were of God and for His glory...

TEARS OF JOY

I would NEVER have even thought of this solution...but God knew, and God had it all planned, He always does...

JJ has been in his new class for only TWO days and guess what....

WE HAVE OUR SON BACK!

For the first time in almost 3 weeks we can see JJ again...and He has been thriving, and learning, and telling us about his day, and his friends...

I can look back now and see that over the couple weeks I have been stressed and overwhelmed, and now I see it was because all along I knew that something wasn't right...all along I knew I was losing him...and I kept talking to them, but it wasn't being heard fully, and while solutions kept being suggested it wasn't working...

God KNEW that in order for them to act now He HAD to allow Tuesday to happen,

it moved them quickly to act and I PRAISE GOD for it ALL happening...because we have our son again..JJ is back, and my heart is okay again....

so sometimes in life in order for progress to move along we HAVE to get the wind knocked out of us...in order to let God's truth in...in order for His plans to work we HAVE to trust Him, even when we can't see the solution...

and this time when I fell off the monkey bars...and I lay there with no air...I didn't get up alone and walk away ... God picked me up and I rested in His truth as He walked through this and His armor covered me...

to Gods GLORY...what an amazing and awesome, loving and sovereign God I serve...

ALL for His glory

"Glory in his holy name; let the hearts of those who seek the LORD rejoice"

1 Chronicles 16:10

~Thank you everyone who walked through this with me also...each of you lifted me up in God and helped me through this week...each of you mean so much to me and I love you for loving our family~

OK.....what comes now?

do you ever wonder why things happen?????

I am not one to question things alot....in fact to my own surprise I have to admit that when all of JJ's diagnosis with his heart happened I NEVER not one time ask God why....I never even wondered why and I still don't....not saying if you ask why it's wrong, in fact I think most people would ask why, it is human nature...but I didn't.....I KNEW and know God has a wonderful plan for us and JJ's heart.....

when JJ was diagnosed with Autism...

that was when I "broke"...I cried for I don't know how long....and it wasn't like having an Autistic child was heart breaking, not at all....it was more of how much JJ has fought for his life physically and now he would be in a fight for his life mentally.....little did I know at the beginning of this 3 years ago that I would be fighting for his "rights"...I would be his voice....this has been how God has shown me where He wants me, this is where my heart is, being the voice for children who don't have one...and this is how I learned this was where God was leading me in my life, and one day my career....it is a gift..

it is a wonderful thing that I have a loving God who is right there with me....He walks with me and for me alot with JJ.....and together we do ALOT of battles for JJ both physical and mental...God gets ALL the glory in those....I am humbled He trusts me and uses me....

Another battle has come...and in a very different way....tomorrow I have to go to the school....JJ had a very hard day, but this didn't fall into a "normal" bad day, it is very very different...and it is very very ugly....

many of you know, I like to keep my life pretty calm, and easy going...I enjoy and love the life God has blessed me with....I try to handle things the way that will create the least amount of "waves" or "ripples" in life....I don't like conflict, and don't see a need in it for most things in life....but I know there are times when God ask us to "go to battle" for Him, for His name....and the specific reasons for these battles varies, but He asks us.....

tomorrow I have to "go to battle"...this is not something I am looking forward to, and mostly I would let things go, but not when it comes to my children...

JJ needs me to be his voice, and just as God stands before us to protect us, tomorrow God and me will be standing for JJ...

I have prayed and prayed and looked at any options....but God is very clearly speaking to me, and I know what I have to do tomorrow....

please pray....

I don't know what this will look like or be like, but after hearing my son....and his words describing what happened, I know that for his sake I must battle....

I need God's strength, I need God's wisdom...I need the Holy Spirit to speak through me...I need God's comfort...I need to have peace and KNOW God's plan is in place...and He will have glory in this....I need Him to show me His plan so I can be obedient....

Please just pray......

with all my love for each of you,

rach

"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand"

Ephesians 6:10-13

~God's Plans~ 3 minutes~

It is always amazing to me the plans God has for me...

a year before I got pregnant as a teen if someone had said I would be a teen mom, I would've laughed SO hard at them and said not me, I can't do that..not saying God wanted that for me, but He allowed it to happen, and yes a consequence of my actions, but He truly blessed me with Kel...

a year before I had JJ, and learned about HLHS, and what half a heart really meant, if someone had said I would have a son who would go through 3 open heart surgeries by two years of age, and then a lifetime of medicine and more surgeries as needed, and a pacemaker, and many restrictions, I would have said NO WAY, I can't handle that...

and then at 3 when he was diagnosed with Autism, had someone told me I would not only have a son with a physical disability, or as I prefer to say "special heart", but now he has special needs and his mental ability would be different I would have said, ABSOLUTELY NOT, I can NOT handle that too....

if someone had told me my marriage would go through times that hurt me in a way I can not describe, and I would make choices that are crazy and not of me...and vice versa...yet my marriage would not only survive but my husband would become my best friend, I would tell them they were NUTS, I would never stay through that, I couldn't handle it.....

and you know many more situations like this in my life, I would have said if given a warning before, "no way, I can't handle that"...and at that time I would have been right, because I didn't need to handle that, it wasn't my time....and yet when each of these situations came, and they all did....I didn't have to handle anything, God took over....HE came in with His tools, of love, guidance, security, strength beyond understanding, wisdom, courage....and He carried me with these tools through everyone of these....so I didn't have to walk through them alone, because He knew exactly what I needed and when...and His plans have ALWAYS brought pure joy to my life, even when the rough spots seemed they would last forever...He brought me though...

but He isn't done bringing me through the unexpected, and He isn't through with me yet....

3 minutes....but it felt like at least twenty....

the only 3 minutes of the beach I would never want to relive,

but PRAISING God for His hands....

we were walking out into the ocean and we weren't going far so we didn't put JJ's life jacket on him...there was a sandbar, but we must have walked on the side of it, because we were going into deeper water and I was carrying JJ...Fabi, Kel, my mom stopped before this, and Alicia felt it deeper so she turned around with Ryan...John had made it on the sandbar with Tyler....and I had JJ...about the time i attempted to turn around and go back with him a current swept me into water I could no longer touch, and only within a foot or so of where I had been...but a wave came and another, and JJ panicked...he began pushing me under in fear, and one after another waves came over us...I remember seeing Alicia and screaming help...she had Ryan...and she ran back as fast as she could to hand him off to help...in the mean time Fabian came darting out, but didn't realize I couldn't touch, he just thought JJ was freaked and I couldn't get him...so Fabian grabbed JJ before realizing he couldn't touch...and JJ still fliiping, and kicking, kicked Fabian under....and now as I tried to regain some strength and get a breathe, I could see JJ and Fabian going under....and the waves just kept coming...I looked at one point and only saw Fabian and yelled JJ as loud as I could, and then Fabi pulled JJ out by an arm...and he went under again...by now I was in constant prayer with God, and had been, and just thought this can not be it...and I knew I had to try to get JJ back, because Fabi couldn't get him as he was still pushing and freaking....I grabbed JJ back...still barely able to control him, I began to go forward and thought, I will just pull him, whatever I can...I looked up and saw Alicia who said, "Give him to me"....you need to know my sister is the littlest of us all, but in that moment I heard God say, go, I got him, give him to her....I knew God had JJ....and Alicia took him and was able to restrain his arms go to her back and he calmed quickly...and she was able to float on her back with him...and get to touching sand.........that day I almost lost JJ...myself....and Fabian...that day had someone told me their story I would have said NO WAY I CAN'T HANDLE THAT...and I would have been right...God was our lifeguard that day, everyday...He has bigger plans for all of us, He wasn't and isn't done with us...not JJ, not me, not Fabian....what a powerful and loving God....wow....and yes that MAY have been 3 minutes, probably even less...but it felt like forever....and God brought us through....I NEVER want to relive that, and it was a wonderful reminder of the oceans abilities, and we got right back in after, but stayed where JJ couldn't touch, but we will NEVER forget the day God saved us...I will NEVER forget the day God saved JJ, again...and even Kel who God stopped before she was even above her waist...God's plans are set, we are here for a time and can't go one day sooner...even in the unexplainable things that happen, He has a plan....and that day His plan was to save each of us...and for us to continue on our journey He has in store for us...

PRAISE GOD, PRAISE HIM

I am forever thankful, for all the things in my life that I would say if ask before they happened, "No way I can't handle that"...to when they come I say "Only through God do I have the strength and tools, it is He who gets ALL the glory, and praises, what an AWEsome and All Mighty Powerful God" Amen.

Sparklers...Camp...EIGHT Years...Appts..DUCK...Beach..and what comes Next

I am amazed at how this summer is flying by and with it my time to stop and just think for a clear second, and MAYBE get out a coherent word or two on here...if I am lucky =D

Of course, JJ AKA Orange Kitten, takes any hope of coherency away, ALL DONE WITH LOVE, and so I find myself writing later at night...this can't help in that clarity factor, because of my sleepiness, so at ANY point if you are unclear of what I am saying, well you're not alone because that means SO AM I...lol...

So...we had an amazing 4th of July, where JJ did his first ever sparkler, and maybe loved it a little too much, I hope this doesn't bring out the clepto in him ;-0 ..taking that almost a month has passed I will say we are safe..for now...but nonetheless we had a wonderful time and shared it with friends and my moma came for the fireworks, which we are able to shoot at our home, we love that part! Kel cheered us on in her always cheerful way, and she helped with JJ...it was a great time!

hummmm next Kel started her 3rd year in writers camp, two weeks later she created a masterpiece in my opinion, and I am just so encouraged by her talent and her ability to use it...she had a wonderful camp and I am thankful we are able to send her each year, thanks Mom, you are awesome for doing this for her!

In the middle of camp, Fabian and I celebrated our EIGHT year wedding anniversary, and if you are on my facebook, you knew this already, lol...by NO means was that a bragging right or anything of the sorts, that is just not me, it was a CELEBRATION and giving GOD ALL the glory, because I promise everyone of you it is ONLY through God and His grace in our life that we have made it to 8yrs! The mountains we have climbed have been huge, and we are talking hills, like Mt. Everest high...and when one or both of us wanted to call it quits and just fall back down the mountain, God stepped in and said "Let me take over from here"...and slowly through many ups and downs we have learned to put God in the center and go from there...and the downs will come again, but this time, they are more like mole hills...and God is so great to bring us to our EIGHT year anniversary, for this is am eternally grateful, and for the many more to come...we got to go out too =D My wonderful moma once again came over, and she watched the kiddos while we got to enjoy dinner and a movie, and then part two came while we were at the Beach (story coming) and we got to go out to dinner and a walk on the beach! We celebrated God and His work in our lives...

So after our anniversary, or maybe even before, but somewhere in the mix we've had appts...JJ had a WONDERFUL 1 month after heart cath check up! He is doing absolutely amazing and I praise God for this...in a couple months we will be celebrating his 6th birthday!!! Wow, I just can't believe it! This is a TRUE miracle....and the check up was great and we go back in November/December! I have had some doctors appts and visits and a few more coming in the next month...so far God is working in me, nothing serious, but just lift them in prayer, and God is working...nonetheless they take alot of time, and this is not the fun part of the summer...so please just pray for that =D...

DUCK....well ducks really...lol....we had a fun day of feeding ducks at the park, JJ's first again, and it was a blast, and JJ thought feeding them out of his hand was best, and although he avoided being bit, he did have to learn to throw the bread for them, it was funny..and I am thankful for that memory!

The BEACH, which I would love to refer to as my future home...WOW, it had been years since i had been to the beach and with JJ's health was not possible, so Kel has been able to go with my mom, but not me...and JJ had never been, and Fabi hadn't been in years...so we took off to Port Aransas, with all of us, PLUS mom, and Alicia, John and their two little guys...and it was AMAZING...it was a true blessing...and I seriously would love to live there....we had a fun and wonderful beach house, and enjoyed every moment...OK there was 3minutes of the entire trip we didn't enjoy, but that is the next blog...yes 3 minutes of our trip deserves its own blog...but it was so much fun, and i can't remember the last time i have felt that relaxed, and carefree...and God was ALL over us, and I am so thankful...almost can't describe in words...but can't wait to go back!

And whats next..well Kel is currently at Church Camp, and I know having a great time, I am missing her like crazy, it's very hard on me...today is day 4, and 3 more to go...I am so thankful for her chance to go, but I REALLY miss her like crazy, can't wait to hear her voice!....and

well I bought school supplies, YEP its around the corner..and I am truly sad...

this summer has been amazing, and such a gift from God, and I can't imagine not being with my kids everyday...we've bonded in new ways, we've grown together as a family...and we've shared many new things...it seems sad to know we have less than a month....so what comes next for the last of summer??? I don't know....but I will be sure to write about it ;-)

~Runnin' on Joy~

I would say the majority of you know my catch phrase, or have atleast seen it on something I write or send out "~Runnin' on Joy~" In all of the crazy of life, that just found me and STUCK! Maybe over stuck, as I use it in everything...but honestly I can't get it to un-stick and I don't know that I would want to...once in a while as I update my facebook, I don't have it at the end of an update....and it almost feels like it's left out and lost, because in a strange but TRULY real way that has become a part of me! I always feel like I am runnin' on joy...and that JOY in just a part of me...even on the days when I am hurting, or truly sad...as I am praying for it to stop or for God to show me what this pain might be for...He is SO gracious to bring that saying to me, and remind me...and through it all I HAVE to smile...because just the saying brings that joy to me...

In life I have gone in some pretty ROUGH, to say the least, directions and the paths that I have gone down have been very... well if I told you they'd sound almost unreal...and you know they would be unreal and untrue about who I AM NOW...they are stories about who I WAS...but this past Sunday during our sermon one small part talked about how when people give testimonies lets say 30min long, 20 min is about the rough life and their past, 5min about the transformation God made, and 5min about who they are now...and he noted that nothing is wrong with that, and people like to see how God truly has worked in someones life....but should our testimony of how we came to Christ be about Christ for the bulk...WOW when I heard this it was as if a light turned on and I thought YES!!! YES it should be...and why do I want to hear about someones misery, I want to hear about God's glory...and it made complete since that I don't necessarily enjoy telling about my past, and yet sometimes it seems I should...and I never walk away feeling any better....in fact as I relived some of my past one day with a friend I remember them saying , "Wow, I never experienced that, I wish I had those years before marriage, I wish I just had one of those nights like you had"....my response was rather abrupt and short, "NO YOU DON'T...one of those nights, cost me years of my innocence and it wasn't worth it...I would take years of the "boring" stuff, for any one of my nights to not have happened" This past Sunday our pastor shared a similar story...and I found myself with tears...but different tears...tears of YES exactly! and THEN tears of thankfulness that God has made in me a new person, and he gave me back, in a sense, my innocence...no I can't undo, or go back, but he cleansed me..and through Him I am whole again!

So my testimony for anyone who ever wonders goes like this....

There are many stories I could share, of the past, my choices, and the brokenness I felt on a daily, sometimes hourly basis...some of those choices will stay with me forever....however, I won't be sharing those stories, and idolizing things in my past that don't deserve to be idolized...and in fact I won't be sharing many of them again...just to say the path I walked before Christ was ugly, hurtful, damaging, and truly a deadly path spiritually, but also physically. The day I realized I needed more, that I knew God was missing in my life, was one of those days...but this time when God had my face in the dirty ground, and I was literally wiping dirt from my mouth, I HEARD Him...LOUD and CLEAR....I saw in my daughter face, sadness and fear...and I KNEW something had to be different...and maybe a month later, I found myself in church...and realized God knew, not me, He knew I needed Him, and this time He knew I would hear...my path into becoming a Christian wasn't typical..and I am so thankful for the mentors God has sent me throughout those years to keep me walking and help me learn about God! My sister was the first of many who opened my eyes and heart to God...and He just kept them coming! Within 1 month of becoming a Christian, I was pregnant...and my marriage well was not what it is today...I was so unsure, but I knew to trust God...and within 5 months of becoming a Christian I knew my son who I was pregnant with was going to have only 1/2 a heart...OMGoodness, God KNEW I needed Him, and I am thankful for the dirt in my mouth that night, because I wouldn't have survived it otherwise...the next years of our lives were a whirlwind of blur...and the only thing I can say for sure is God was ALL over our family in EVERY way, and still is....and He teaches me one thing I can't go a day without...FAITH...pure, Innocent FAITH...my faith in God is my ROCK...God is MY ROCK and REDEEMER, and truly the Alpha Omega...and through that Faith, God gives me HIS joy, PURE joy, and that my friends is why I am Runnin' on Joy, through Faith in a God who never breaks His promises, who IS love, but IS just...who is LIFE, but also Sovereign...that is my walk..that is my testimony...but this is God's Story....

~Runnin' on HIS joy~

"Wisconsin" . . . said with a Texan immitating a Wisconsin Accent ;-)

Wow...21 hours after leaving Texas and stops and breakfast along the way, we made it to Wisconsin, last week!!! It was amazing!!! And shockingly the car trip was great and fun! I met SO many new family members and loved every moment!

I feel so blessed that my husband has such wonderful family, and I get to share that with him...I do wish they lived closer so we could share our lives together more often! BUT I can promise it won't be 8 more years before we go again!

We got to visit the Milwaukee Zoo which is AMAZINg!!! Wow I was so impressed and we had such a wonderful time!

And we will be going back there too!

I didn't stick out too bad with my Texas Accent, OR everyone was just too nice to mention it!

I am thankful I was able to meet all the wonderful cousins, or most, and especially all the ones we talk to on facebook! I think that was wonderful!

OH and incase you didn't know, apparently ALL his cousins agreed that JJ is a SPITTING image of Fabian...IMAGE THAT! lol...not just in looks, but the way he played, and ran all over...every cousin said Fabi was the SAME WAY! I love it! What a blessing! It was so special to hear stories and just laugh together!

And although Fabi and me will hit our 8yr anniversary in July, I have always felt I have known him most my life, and after sharing this passed week with him, I think in a weird way I have...we were truly eachothers gift from God and sharing this experience just grew us even closer! We miss you all in Wisconsin and can't wait to go back! OH and if ANY of you want to brave the Texas heat, our door is always open!!!

Here are some random pictures from the trip!

You have to entertain yourself when everyone is asleep besides you! =)

Just a few of the pictures...to see them all go to:

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2018702&id=1593619172&l=eb283c017b

and

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2018735&id=1593619172&l=3eb18540a8

They will all be there, and you don't need a facebook account to see them!

What a wonderful trip!!

Surprises!!!

I happen to be a fan of most surprises...I have friends who despise them, me on the other hand like them...mostly

Don't get me wrong, I can't stand when someone says they need to talk to me later, or they have a surprise for me later...OH waiting is torture, lol...and my hubby would say I am the WORST, not at waiting, but saying those things...he is probably right! I do like to give surprises, or news, but only the good stuff, not bad!

Some surprises in my life i could have done without, but usually those end of being better than i could have imagined! You know..like being told I was pregnant at 15- SURPRISE! lol...but yet it, SHE has been one of my biggest joys...and SURPRISE your son have a major heart condition...yep another moment I would say I didn't want to hear that one either, yet God has brought SO much good from that too!

I have learned that sometimes the fun surprises don't end up being the best ones! My children both came with surprises...and yet they are my greatest gifts from God and JOYS!!!

Now other surprises like... oh we changed the plan at the last minute, are probably my least favorite to be honest...and God has REALLY REALLY had to work on me in the area, because I like a plan, I like things set, and I am not always flexible when I need to be! Like planning a trip and trying to get the details set...or like tonight driving to an event that was mia...and even double checking the calendar...still NO clue what happened, but God truly intervened, because I just shrugged and said oh well we tried, and we laughed! It was GREAT! And then God honored that by creating a wonderful evening with a yummy dinner, where my hubby got home just in time...and then when we stopped at a friends house just to say hi, we ended up staying for 3+ hours and laughing and talking!!! WOW! That is a total God thing....so I think when I just let God take the lead..and except surprises good and bad with Him in control, well life has a lot more joy and love..and that I will take ANY day!

"Instead you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that" James 4:15

June ALREADY!

How do you lose time?!?!?! I don't know but I do ALL the time, lol...it just seems to disappear and somehow I miss time...SO it is JUNE already and most of you know that Kelli ROCKED on her TAKS test and in Hutto this year that means she got out of school TWO weeks early!!! It has been awesome to have her with me, and I am SO proud of her!!! Not only did she do amazing on the TAKS, BUT she only missed 2 on her Math and 1 on her Reading !!!!! She is extremely smart and I am thrilled with her hard work! For JJ her gets out tomorrow, and he has done amazing this year! I am proud of him too! He is going to be in KINDERGARTEN!!!!! I am floored and just amazed at how much he has grown in the last 3 years! Wow...both my children take my breathe away, literally!

He will begin next year in full time Lifeskills for the first 30 days to get him use to a new teacher and routine after 3 years, and then he will slowly be introduced into the Kindergarten class! This is so exciting and I am very proud of him! In one on one settings he is on and above level in all catergories, however in a classroom setting he does fall below, guess he likes what he sees around him ;-) so he gets distracted and has a hard time focusing. I can't help but still be okay with that, because how many times as a parent can we find the exact tool we need to help out our children, that can be so tough! But with the wonderful evaluations of his teachers, aids, therapists, and specialist, we have come up with a plan individualized for JJ, WOW! This is from God, I couldn't be more excited and thankful!

So for this summer we have a packed, but fun schedule!

We take off in a week for Wisconsin to visit all of Fabians family, and both kids have summer camps...well Kelli is all set, and prayfully I found one for JJ, to be confirmed tomorrow! This should be a fun and busy time..but I will blog as much as I can!

What a great 08-09 school year for all of us and summer has come just in time for some fun!

Distractions...

So many times in a single day distractions surround us..in fact as I sat down to start typing there have already been at least five distractions, and I have only gotten to the first sentence! But more of the distractions I was thinking about are the ones that keep us from our relationship with God...the ones that the world offers, empty and usually not beneficial to us....

Speaking from personal experiences, I know it can be one small thing that pops up in my day that takes my focus off of God, and His plan..but WOW that one tiny thing can side track me for a good part of a day...and at the end I realized I lost more in that tiny distraction that if I had just let it be...it can be disappointing.....

I am not saying that there is any magical way to avoid distractions, or that if you can somehow you are a better Christian, because there is no such thing, but I am saying that God understands about the distractions in our life...and He wants us to bring them to Him! I wish I would do this on a more consistent basis, but the fact is a small distraction can take over what I had planned to do, and I simply forget to go to Him and give it to Him, somehow I think its so small I got this one...and yet it took way too much time away from me...how silly is that!

And usually for me it is nothing that needed that much attention or time..a phone call, a conversation, some to do list, a movie, bills, a repair of some kind..whatever it might be, for me it is not worth the time I gave up that I could have been spending with God...especially the ones that do not benefit me in any way...but I do love how God pulls me back in and reminds me that HE is never leaving me, and all these distractions are temporary, and won't follow into eternity...that is a comfort!

All this to say, I know that the distraction of this world will be sure to be there tomorrow when I wake up, but I am learning how to give it to God...He handles it MUCH better than I could have ever thought of! I will be remembering that, and ask Him to help me in all the small stuff!

"Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path."

Psalm 119:105

Behind the Door of Miracles...

There are many times in my life that I have read the different stories in the Bible about the miracles that Jesus performed here on Earth, while He was here...helping a blind man see, healing the sick and raising the dead...and even Moses parting the sea, that was a miracle from God...and many more...I have also heard MANY people ask why God doesn't perform those miracles in that way today....and I simply respond, but He does!!!

Maybe we don't get to see Jesus walking on Earth and healing the ill, or a sea part so a man can walk through it, but that is far from the only miracles God performs...

for me, I believe a miracle is a day that I wake up and breathe in life, our bodies and the way they were so specifically created, and function, THAT IS A MIRACLE!!!! The trees that help give us life, and the flowers that bloom with sun light and water, those are all miracles....or how about how we survive the day without completely losing our minds when our children are having one of those days!?!?!? THAT IS A MIRACLE!!!

Well, I think all of us would love to see one of the miracles like the Bible talks about....but I think people have a misconception of what that may look like in today's world, with today's life...I can paint a picture for you...

this past Wednesday, my son went through one of many heart caths he has gone through since birth, and let me tell you the amount of hours I spent on my knees and in prayers is almost uncountable, and I know many of you joined me in praying! Well once again God performed a miracle in JJ's life! He is thriving and running, and for the FIRST time in his 5 1/2 years of life, he has NORMAL oxygen SATS, running 96-98!!!!!!!!!!!! THAT IS A MIRACLE!!! But the miracles in JJ's life, and our life began from the moment he breathed in life....when I was pregnant we were told he had something very close to HLHS, but with several complications that they wouldn't label him with that...I prayed everyday and night for a miracle, that God would heal his heart. I prayed alone, I prayed in groups, and I prayed with the elders and pastors of our church home...and God heard my prayers, and HE answered them....

JJ didn't come out with a perfectly healed heart, but he has a text book case of HLHS, yes still severe, but without the additional complications the doctors knew what to do!! YES THAT IS A MIRACLE... a heart can NOT changed that far along in the womb, it can only grow, and this baffled the doctors, who had to check to see if they somehow messed up his paperwork! ahhhh! THAT IS GOD!!! And I love every moment where God gets ALL the glory! This past week, I had to relive every moment of every time JJ has gone through something, that is ALOT of moments, but I got to relive the miracles in those moments, and that is where I put my hope and faith! And JJ has had many moments of miracles, in fact we all have....some we know about and others we have no idea, but God stepped in for us, and He gets that glory! Kel, who is my "healthy" child, also is a miracle! God blessed me as a teen mom with a "perfect" child...no she isn't truly perfect, but everything you want in a baby/child/preteen, Kel truly is...and that is ALL God, and a true miracle!!! She came in my life at the perfect moment, and has taught me SO much about how to look at life, and the people around me!! She amazes me, and her abilities, talents, and grace, those are gifts and miracles from God!!! Both my children have taught me about life, they have a different set of instructions, and both have humbled me to know I can't do this without God!!!

BOTH ARE MIRACLES!!!

So, we made it through another stepping stone in JJ's life path...but we were privileged to see another miracle from God take place! Wow! So in the hurt, and pain, God gave us His light! This is an amazing part in my journey!

Thank you for ALL the emails, cards, texts, prayers, love..I am overwhelmed by your friendships, and support, and I am humbled by it as well!

And the best thing I can end with, is just be open to the miracles that surround you..they are everywhere, we just get too busy sometimes and miss them...

"For whatever is born of God overcomes the world;

and this is the victory that has overcome the world—our faith."

1 John 5:4