Sometimes in life I think you just have to pause...take a moment ... look around...and then in the mirror...I feel like the last few years have been that for me (or maybe I have always done this, maybe we all do!)
My God led Sabbatical...my healing...many other things that have stood in the way of me being who God created me to be, and who I am ..
So, as I came to the end of my Sabbatical, I think I "expected" (clue #1 it was a wrong idea) that I would just be in constant one on one time with God, that because I took myself away, that somehow I would find myself again and be this perfection view of who I am...(sorry if the words twist, hopefully if you keep reading you will see them untwist!)
And then I felt humbled by all of this...expectation and perfection...both not of God, but of this world...
so there it was I didn't come away with FULL resistance to the ways of this word, in fact, I was again brought into the mindset...I had "failed" (lies from satan btw)
I wanted to blog and talk and yet how would I ever put into words that I was a failure...so then you resist God slightly, maybe I am not truly "good-enough"...maybe , or you dive into more of the Word to prove you are as good as you are (instead of seeking truth from it!)...either way LIES...
So the next thing I knew, I was in a LONG PAUSE...
and in this I heard God speak, and love on me in a way more deeply and intimately than before, and His love and reminder of I am who HE made me to be...I will always be broken, but through Christ new...and I will ALWAYS have the pull of this world struggle, daily in fact, but through HIM and HIM ALONE, I will gain strength, wisdom and knowledge to grow to Him and seek only His truths!
Will I ever 100% of the time ALWAYS get it right???
NOPE, but I will get more aware, I will become more open to this, and I will fall, but only look to Him to pick me up!
What a GIFT!
So...this Long Pause was as significant as my sabbatical and maybe more so, as I grew even from that point to now...
and as I go forward I will have "pauses", but know to go straight to God so the lies of my failing aren't allowed in...
I have learned so much over this, and to try to write them in words would seem as though the concept is simple or something I have always known.
However, one for example is TO LOVE, LOVE...
I have always had a heart for others, and compassion..but as some point no matter how hard I tried judgement would sometimes (not every time) sneak in..I say sneak, because the thoughts in my heart were there regardless if spoken..and then through God's word, through Him, LOVE formed a new meaning...a meaning of no matter whether I agree, disagree, like or don't, whether it is a "sin", or horrible decision..ugly words, or lifestyle...I am called to LOVE, and not just say it, but MEAN IT, and believe it, and pray for it..and KNOW that God loves them regardless of the sin or ugly etc..He loves them as I should!
This is a word we are introduced to so often in life, and one I have always known...but this view, God's view, takes it to an entire level..
one way He has worked in me, is with my "enemies"...you know the Bible says to LOVE your enemies..I don't think I ever understood HOW, I could say the words, but my heart spoke other! But now...I TRULY do LOVE my "enemies"..I actually PRAY for them, and not that they would change, or realize how awful they are (judgemental spoken words)...I pray that God's LOVE would just POUR over them! I pray that if I pass them I can smile and wave..even if they don't respond or treat me as "less"...Jesus was often treated as LESS but LOVED all the same...I pray that my own insecurities do not get in the way of showing what God has done and can do, and will do...and when I "fail" in this, I pray forgiveness of my actions, words, or many times just thoughts...and I began to pray again...
There it is...my LONG PAUSE...my time in consultation, so to speak, with God...think I will stay there, and when I wander, I pray that anyone who reads this would pray I seek truth every time, that God would call you or others to pray and boldly speak for Him if called to..and I pray for everyone of you who reads this...
maybe I know you by name, maybe I don't ... but I give Glory to God for each of you, and for His words, and His desired words coming out through this blog <3
OH, and when I am feeling like a failure, or "less than" a Christian, I am praying my insecurities away and God's bravery to share His work through me when I am feeling at a low point..because sometimes the greatest "works" are taking place!
"When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is LOVE." 1 Corinthians 13:11-13
Love you all Always,
Rach
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Friday, March 18, 2011
A Taste for Reading....
About a month ago I was given an open door to join a book club...a moment of panic might have overcome me as I thought of making another "commitment" in my life, in which I feel I have so many as it is...
but this was different..the book is one that has set on my shelf for at least 2yrs, and I would think about it only to put it down and once again claim "I have no time to read"...or "I only have time for textbooks and the Bible"...and this list goes on...
now let me assure you there is no sarcasm that comes in my statement about the Bible, at all, I think that is the place to get your true fulfillment in reading and learning about God and who He is...but I think, I know at least for me, reading has opened a deeper connection between me and God, between me and the Bible..between me and whatever book God brings to me...
will this happen with each book? No I doubt it, it just happened these last two I read were both God-filled and God- Glorified..and both so different and yet the same about the authors personal journeys..ones I could connect with and relate too...
Oh just so curiosity doesn't get the better of you, they were "Made to Crave" and "Same Kind of Different as Me" Both I highly recommend!
Now I have a new book club book and I am excited to dive into it when it arrives, but decided I would start "The Shack"...I have just barely opened the cover, and I can see already it will take me on another intense journey...this one is fiction, and yet the circumstances and situations that surround it are all too real...I am excited and yet a little nervous...
but I believe that God has given me something so valuable through these 2 first books...He has given me so much more through them, but He gave me a taste for reading, something I have desired for years and never could get..I find myself in constant conversation with Him about the books...in fact at book club I don't think I said more than two words about the book, and yet I have such a passion about it that couldn't be expressed...at least outside of my head..
my daughter read "The Same Kind of different as Me" after I was done, and she loved it as well, and still, just couldn't find words to say what it did and meant...
next I went back to "Made to Crave" I had started the first few chapters and I don't think I was ready to finish, until I finished my other book...
I couldn't put it down..I laughed, cried, and talked with God the whole time...as the reality of one of my biggest struggles was put in my face as if God Himself wrote it and was speaking it to me...yes that real..yes that true...and it wasn't JUST the words written in the book, it was God speaking so directly and boldly to me..not audibly..but w/o a single doubt from Him..and I felt the "weight" of my struggle become lighter as He took it from me...let me RE-phrase that...as I let it go finally, for the first time in my life..I let it go and gave it all to Him..knowing that it wouldn't magically get better, and in fact as more realities opened, it would become harder...and yet I now knew..know..that He has them..there is a freedom in this..and for the first time this struggle is not my own..it is not greater than God..it is not above Him...HE is holding it, HE has it...
for those of you who have never heard of this book, I highly recommend "Google" it and learn more..it is a about the struggle with food, with weight...but it is SO SO SO much more...
that bares repeating...
it IS about the struggle of food, weight..but it is SO SO SO much more! I can promise you that!
I can also promise that is you allow it, it will open the door to your heart to allow God to speak to the depths of you, and HIS truths will be revealed like never before...
yes there is a wonderful, talented author who wrote the book, but I can say with certainty, that GOD wrote that book through her..and I have no doubt she would fully agree!
So there is it...my taste for reading has come..something I longed for as I have bought countless books, sat in book stores for HOURS....smelled the inside of books...yes I said smelled...there's something about the inside of a new book..the pages so fresh..and yes I JUST had to stop and smell one...
and then there is almost a "magic" (I use that term loosely) in an old book...that smell of ...well it is almost a smell of history..I feel like I go back with the book, and I am in that place where the book was published so many years before my existence...something I will never get tired of...
and now with my love and passion for books...I have a taste..and it is sweeter than anything I have tasted...it has opened my mind, my heart, my conversations with God...my inner most being to who He created me..and I look forward to this new journey that God has given me...along with so much more....
I pray each of you find your "taste"
"I pray You, O God, that I may be beautiful within" Socrates
"I have found my beautiful" Made to Crave
"Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not"
Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight." 1 Peter 3:4
Love you All <3
but this was different..the book is one that has set on my shelf for at least 2yrs, and I would think about it only to put it down and once again claim "I have no time to read"...or "I only have time for textbooks and the Bible"...and this list goes on...
now let me assure you there is no sarcasm that comes in my statement about the Bible, at all, I think that is the place to get your true fulfillment in reading and learning about God and who He is...but I think, I know at least for me, reading has opened a deeper connection between me and God, between me and the Bible..between me and whatever book God brings to me...
will this happen with each book? No I doubt it, it just happened these last two I read were both God-filled and God- Glorified..and both so different and yet the same about the authors personal journeys..ones I could connect with and relate too...
Oh just so curiosity doesn't get the better of you, they were "Made to Crave" and "Same Kind of Different as Me" Both I highly recommend!
Now I have a new book club book and I am excited to dive into it when it arrives, but decided I would start "The Shack"...I have just barely opened the cover, and I can see already it will take me on another intense journey...this one is fiction, and yet the circumstances and situations that surround it are all too real...I am excited and yet a little nervous...
but I believe that God has given me something so valuable through these 2 first books...He has given me so much more through them, but He gave me a taste for reading, something I have desired for years and never could get..I find myself in constant conversation with Him about the books...in fact at book club I don't think I said more than two words about the book, and yet I have such a passion about it that couldn't be expressed...at least outside of my head..
my daughter read "The Same Kind of different as Me" after I was done, and she loved it as well, and still, just couldn't find words to say what it did and meant...
next I went back to "Made to Crave" I had started the first few chapters and I don't think I was ready to finish, until I finished my other book...
I couldn't put it down..I laughed, cried, and talked with God the whole time...as the reality of one of my biggest struggles was put in my face as if God Himself wrote it and was speaking it to me...yes that real..yes that true...and it wasn't JUST the words written in the book, it was God speaking so directly and boldly to me..not audibly..but w/o a single doubt from Him..and I felt the "weight" of my struggle become lighter as He took it from me...let me RE-phrase that...as I let it go finally, for the first time in my life..I let it go and gave it all to Him..knowing that it wouldn't magically get better, and in fact as more realities opened, it would become harder...and yet I now knew..know..that He has them..there is a freedom in this..and for the first time this struggle is not my own..it is not greater than God..it is not above Him...HE is holding it, HE has it...
for those of you who have never heard of this book, I highly recommend "Google" it and learn more..it is a about the struggle with food, with weight...but it is SO SO SO much more...
that bares repeating...
it IS about the struggle of food, weight..but it is SO SO SO much more! I can promise you that!
I can also promise that is you allow it, it will open the door to your heart to allow God to speak to the depths of you, and HIS truths will be revealed like never before...
yes there is a wonderful, talented author who wrote the book, but I can say with certainty, that GOD wrote that book through her..and I have no doubt she would fully agree!
So there is it...my taste for reading has come..something I longed for as I have bought countless books, sat in book stores for HOURS....smelled the inside of books...yes I said smelled...there's something about the inside of a new book..the pages so fresh..and yes I JUST had to stop and smell one...
and then there is almost a "magic" (I use that term loosely) in an old book...that smell of ...well it is almost a smell of history..I feel like I go back with the book, and I am in that place where the book was published so many years before my existence...something I will never get tired of...
and now with my love and passion for books...I have a taste..and it is sweeter than anything I have tasted...it has opened my mind, my heart, my conversations with God...my inner most being to who He created me..and I look forward to this new journey that God has given me...along with so much more....
I pray each of you find your "taste"
"I pray You, O God, that I may be beautiful within" Socrates
"I have found my beautiful" Made to Crave
"Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not"
Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight." 1 Peter 3:4
Love you All <3
Sunday, February 20, 2011
New Semester..joy...healing...restoration..updates..God's GLORY!
My time lately has been taken up with my newest semester of school...I can't say I am truly "enjoying" it, as I have Physics, now part 1 as I took them in reverse, and I am not a science person...
And I am continuing in Spanish, now part 2, which I enjoy because of my personal connection with my husband and his family and yet I am disappointed, because the rate at which we are going, I am able to make great grades, and understand a lot of it, but not speak it as well as I hoped...I would LOVE the Rosetta Stone program, but WHEW it is costly...so it may take some years AFTER this semester to learn Spanish, but I am determined it will happen...I have multi-reasons..personal achievement, family, but my heart says mission trips in my future...
along with that I am taking a KINE or PE class...stretch/flex, which is wonderful, but the professor, well not so much...I think I can handle her in her unkindness, but it isn't my favorite for sure....
that is all for in class...BUT I am enrolled in 2 correspondence studies, and have officially started one...and well, I am not a correspondence person, I am doing this to have enough University credits vrs Junior College so that I qualify hours wise for graduation with honors...and so it will be worth it...sadly one of the is Biology, another science, and I have come to the realization that sciences are not my friend...I am working past this dislike for one another...you see science doesn't like me either..I just know it! ;-) And so it leaves me wanting to just give up and cry..I don't, but that is the thought as I read about autotrophs, and diploids and other words I can't pronounce, and unsure of what they mean. So, as I read I look up words and then think BLAH, because this is going to take MUCH more time than I hoped! Sounded so simple...and yet no...and then I want to jump to my other course, FINE ARTS...something I am more than happy to take..something I am familiar with and believe I will zoom through....BUT something in me says NO...get through BIO Lessons 1-4, (2wks worth of work) and then the Fine Arts (1-4)...you can only submit 2 assignments a week, so it is in my favor to jump back and forth....anyways I sigh....
I know i can do this, but maybe so late at night is NOT the time to continue, just pick it up tomorrow....yep that's what I will do....maybe ...
outside of school life has been busy, I can't believe we are so close to March already...this year is flying by and it's so strange .... and yet I feel God pulling me and guiding me each day...I use the word pulling because I feel I am often so caught up in the busy that my priorities of life are not in the right order...something God recently brought to my attention and we are working in this ...
something else I have to share is the healing of a friendship that has taken place..GODLY healing...this friend knows everything I am about to say here, I have said to her, but I won't reveal her here out of her privacy =)...so about a year ago a friendship ended..due to hurt, lies, deception..you name it, we had it...and I knew walking away wasn't the best choice, but I had no idea how to confront any of it and so I walked away...and it haunted me...I went through so many stages of angry, resentment, hurt, hatred, trying to forgive, but couldn't let it be...after about 6 months I forgave, and yet there was such an uneasy feeling in this and I couldn't shake it...a mentor/friend at one point said that I would have to talk it through with her, to which I said NO, my life was better w/o all of it...was I wrong, because I held onto it, in the back of my mind there continued an uneasy feeling...even after seeing each other during summer I walked away with peace and healing, and yet knew it wasn't "finished" but this time knew God would have to work...over the last year, even months, I would tell people we would NEVER be friends again, NEVER...that ONLY an act of God would heal and create a friendship...well what follows would and is only an act of God...only HE can create healing in the most unpredictable ways...and He did...He healed all of the nasty feeling, and restored our friendship...almost unbelievable if I wasn't there to witness it myself...we talked, talked, talked...apologized, prayed, forgave...and it was unlike anything I can put in words...it feels as if no time has past and yet a year did...but our friendship picked up right where it was ...EXCEPT, and this is key...we have God right in the center...we aren't perfect people, we will mess up again, but there is no lies in between, if we have something to share we will..if we have something we are upset with or about we share...satan does NOT get a place in this friendship...and it is God's will for this friendship to be, He has full control...not us..
which really had me think about the last year, as I have reflected before on...but in all relationships this is God's desire, that we don't allow the lies of this world to come between them, because that is what they are LIES..and this world is not why we are here...not at all...and THIS is ALL for God's glory!!
Going outside of school and this healed friendship, which connected because we have classes together, is family...how is my family???
PERFECTLY IMPERFECT!! :-) Gotcha there huh? LOL...we are a mess together, and I love it!
JJ struggled and still has days, in school, but nothing like last year, so he is growing and progress has been made...I could say it was him getting older, different routine, different teachers, his understanding...I COULD say all of this, BUT it'd be wrong..throw in ANY factor you want..there is ONLY one reason JJ is coming along better... GOD...through the power of prayer...I have had people praying over him, for this specific reason, for this specific semester...and GOD is listening and answering every prayer...the days aren't perfect, some days are just plain bad...but JJ is overall doing wonderful <3 it is a miracle from God <3 and I am just in AWE...health wise too..we did have to up meds, we do have the reality of him growing and getting older, but GOD has a plan, and HIS will be DONE!
And boy does he make us laugh..JJ has the funniest personality next to his dad, only JJ gets cute little boy points .. sorry Babe, but you get cute manly points ;-p
He has a joyful spirit, and soooo kind..yes he is a toot and can be mouthy...but when you listen, I mean REALLY listen to his words, voice, tones..he has the sweetest spirit in him, that is FILLEd with love and fight...the two elements..no gifts, that God gave him to survive and live <3 One of my blessings <3
Then I have my Bug...what can I say about this amazing wonderful daughter of mine? She is just that...she is almost 14 (WOW)...she will be in high school next year (DOUBLE WOW)...and yet she has the most amazing outlook on life, and love that overflows from her very being..the gift of love, understanding, compassion and yet KNOWs what God desires of her, KNOWS what she wants in life, in friendships and relationships...she sees past all of this middle school junk and knows it isn't real, it isn't right...NOW she is UNPERFECT by every since of the word...but to me she is just right...she messes up, she fixes it..she is quiet and yet won't stop talking sometimes...she LOVES her brother and yet he annoys her too..but what I admire among many things is her ability to see where she needs to grow..and to ask me for help..I love having talks with her, we share about life, about God together and I am just in AWE...I love seeing God POUR out of her <3
And last but not least by far is my amazing wonderful Hubby...where do I start with this man??? Just thinking about him makes my heart race...I hear him right now "watching" tv, snoring on the couch and I giggle...Have you ever met or do you have a person in your life that just gets you? the person who NEVER thinks a bad thought of you? the one you can cry to on a bad night because your sick and the hot water is out and you wanted a shower and doesn't think you're insane?? Someone who looks for whatever they can do to just make you smile or laugh?? Who looks at you as if you are the most beautiful person in the world? That when he sees you, he sees YOU...Well that is my husband...after 10yrs he still makes my heart flip, even more now...and as I type about him I almost cry because I can't believe that God gave me all this in my husband...he is my very best friend, he is THE ONE, he is more than I ever imagined being married would be...he listens to me, we talk..we cry, we laugh...and yes we do disagree, but we're learning how to do this while keep respect for the other, difficult, not mastered, but a wonderful work in progress...and we learn each time...I look forward to every single morning because I know he will kiss me goodbye before work..and when I don't think he has I call him to be sad, and he so nicely replies, "I did kiss you sucka, you were muttering and turned over"...and I laugh because I know it happened just that way...I can't wait every night for him to come home, I love just being with him..I love watching him do repairs, because it reminds me how blessed I am to have a handy man hubby, and one who looks so good doing it ;-p BONUS , lol...and he works SO hard for our family...whatever it takes he is doing it, he supports my school 110% PLUS..he encourages me everyday and helps me believe in who I am...I never knew it would be like this..and I don't think I ever "got" the meaning of becoming one in flesh before...but with God and His plans, and His grace..we are <3 call us husband and wife, best friends, soul mates, lovers, parents...whatever name you give us, we are one <3 and that is ALL God's glory...
And at the end of each day...usually when everyone is asleep and the house is so very quiet I love to sit and close my eyes and just listen..listen to the quiet yes..but listen to God as He shows me glimpses of the blessings He gave in that day..the areas that I didn't give to Him and took over...the parts where I just completely messed up and would have to ask forgiveness..and the parts where I let Him do His work <3 ...and I go to sleep talking with Him, and listening...that's why I am here, why we are here...for HIM, for His Glory <3 in every moment...do i get it all right? NO ... do I even come close? NO...I am so far away, and yet growing, and I am learning and seeing...what a gift from God <3
Hope everyone has a wonderful night <3 time for me to go listen <3
Love you all <3
"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do" Ephesians 2:8-10
And I am continuing in Spanish, now part 2, which I enjoy because of my personal connection with my husband and his family and yet I am disappointed, because the rate at which we are going, I am able to make great grades, and understand a lot of it, but not speak it as well as I hoped...I would LOVE the Rosetta Stone program, but WHEW it is costly...so it may take some years AFTER this semester to learn Spanish, but I am determined it will happen...I have multi-reasons..personal achievement, family, but my heart says mission trips in my future...
along with that I am taking a KINE or PE class...stretch/flex, which is wonderful, but the professor, well not so much...I think I can handle her in her unkindness, but it isn't my favorite for sure....
that is all for in class...BUT I am enrolled in 2 correspondence studies, and have officially started one...and well, I am not a correspondence person, I am doing this to have enough University credits vrs Junior College so that I qualify hours wise for graduation with honors...and so it will be worth it...sadly one of the is Biology, another science, and I have come to the realization that sciences are not my friend...I am working past this dislike for one another...you see science doesn't like me either..I just know it! ;-) And so it leaves me wanting to just give up and cry..I don't, but that is the thought as I read about autotrophs, and diploids and other words I can't pronounce, and unsure of what they mean. So, as I read I look up words and then think BLAH, because this is going to take MUCH more time than I hoped! Sounded so simple...and yet no...and then I want to jump to my other course, FINE ARTS...something I am more than happy to take..something I am familiar with and believe I will zoom through....BUT something in me says NO...get through BIO Lessons 1-4, (2wks worth of work) and then the Fine Arts (1-4)...you can only submit 2 assignments a week, so it is in my favor to jump back and forth....anyways I sigh....
I know i can do this, but maybe so late at night is NOT the time to continue, just pick it up tomorrow....yep that's what I will do....maybe ...
outside of school life has been busy, I can't believe we are so close to March already...this year is flying by and it's so strange .... and yet I feel God pulling me and guiding me each day...I use the word pulling because I feel I am often so caught up in the busy that my priorities of life are not in the right order...something God recently brought to my attention and we are working in this ...
something else I have to share is the healing of a friendship that has taken place..GODLY healing...this friend knows everything I am about to say here, I have said to her, but I won't reveal her here out of her privacy =)...so about a year ago a friendship ended..due to hurt, lies, deception..you name it, we had it...and I knew walking away wasn't the best choice, but I had no idea how to confront any of it and so I walked away...and it haunted me...I went through so many stages of angry, resentment, hurt, hatred, trying to forgive, but couldn't let it be...after about 6 months I forgave, and yet there was such an uneasy feeling in this and I couldn't shake it...a mentor/friend at one point said that I would have to talk it through with her, to which I said NO, my life was better w/o all of it...was I wrong, because I held onto it, in the back of my mind there continued an uneasy feeling...even after seeing each other during summer I walked away with peace and healing, and yet knew it wasn't "finished" but this time knew God would have to work...over the last year, even months, I would tell people we would NEVER be friends again, NEVER...that ONLY an act of God would heal and create a friendship...well what follows would and is only an act of God...only HE can create healing in the most unpredictable ways...and He did...He healed all of the nasty feeling, and restored our friendship...almost unbelievable if I wasn't there to witness it myself...we talked, talked, talked...apologized, prayed, forgave...and it was unlike anything I can put in words...it feels as if no time has past and yet a year did...but our friendship picked up right where it was ...EXCEPT, and this is key...we have God right in the center...we aren't perfect people, we will mess up again, but there is no lies in between, if we have something to share we will..if we have something we are upset with or about we share...satan does NOT get a place in this friendship...and it is God's will for this friendship to be, He has full control...not us..
which really had me think about the last year, as I have reflected before on...but in all relationships this is God's desire, that we don't allow the lies of this world to come between them, because that is what they are LIES..and this world is not why we are here...not at all...and THIS is ALL for God's glory!!
Going outside of school and this healed friendship, which connected because we have classes together, is family...how is my family???
PERFECTLY IMPERFECT!! :-) Gotcha there huh? LOL...we are a mess together, and I love it!
JJ struggled and still has days, in school, but nothing like last year, so he is growing and progress has been made...I could say it was him getting older, different routine, different teachers, his understanding...I COULD say all of this, BUT it'd be wrong..throw in ANY factor you want..there is ONLY one reason JJ is coming along better... GOD...through the power of prayer...I have had people praying over him, for this specific reason, for this specific semester...and GOD is listening and answering every prayer...the days aren't perfect, some days are just plain bad...but JJ is overall doing wonderful <3 it is a miracle from God <3 and I am just in AWE...health wise too..we did have to up meds, we do have the reality of him growing and getting older, but GOD has a plan, and HIS will be DONE!
And boy does he make us laugh..JJ has the funniest personality next to his dad, only JJ gets cute little boy points .. sorry Babe, but you get cute manly points ;-p
He has a joyful spirit, and soooo kind..yes he is a toot and can be mouthy...but when you listen, I mean REALLY listen to his words, voice, tones..he has the sweetest spirit in him, that is FILLEd with love and fight...the two elements..no gifts, that God gave him to survive and live <3 One of my blessings <3
Then I have my Bug...what can I say about this amazing wonderful daughter of mine? She is just that...she is almost 14 (WOW)...she will be in high school next year (DOUBLE WOW)...and yet she has the most amazing outlook on life, and love that overflows from her very being..the gift of love, understanding, compassion and yet KNOWs what God desires of her, KNOWS what she wants in life, in friendships and relationships...she sees past all of this middle school junk and knows it isn't real, it isn't right...NOW she is UNPERFECT by every since of the word...but to me she is just right...she messes up, she fixes it..she is quiet and yet won't stop talking sometimes...she LOVES her brother and yet he annoys her too..but what I admire among many things is her ability to see where she needs to grow..and to ask me for help..I love having talks with her, we share about life, about God together and I am just in AWE...I love seeing God POUR out of her <3
And last but not least by far is my amazing wonderful Hubby...where do I start with this man??? Just thinking about him makes my heart race...I hear him right now "watching" tv, snoring on the couch and I giggle...Have you ever met or do you have a person in your life that just gets you? the person who NEVER thinks a bad thought of you? the one you can cry to on a bad night because your sick and the hot water is out and you wanted a shower and doesn't think you're insane?? Someone who looks for whatever they can do to just make you smile or laugh?? Who looks at you as if you are the most beautiful person in the world? That when he sees you, he sees YOU...Well that is my husband...after 10yrs he still makes my heart flip, even more now...and as I type about him I almost cry because I can't believe that God gave me all this in my husband...he is my very best friend, he is THE ONE, he is more than I ever imagined being married would be...he listens to me, we talk..we cry, we laugh...and yes we do disagree, but we're learning how to do this while keep respect for the other, difficult, not mastered, but a wonderful work in progress...and we learn each time...I look forward to every single morning because I know he will kiss me goodbye before work..and when I don't think he has I call him to be sad, and he so nicely replies, "I did kiss you sucka, you were muttering and turned over"...and I laugh because I know it happened just that way...I can't wait every night for him to come home, I love just being with him..I love watching him do repairs, because it reminds me how blessed I am to have a handy man hubby, and one who looks so good doing it ;-p BONUS , lol...and he works SO hard for our family...whatever it takes he is doing it, he supports my school 110% PLUS..he encourages me everyday and helps me believe in who I am...I never knew it would be like this..and I don't think I ever "got" the meaning of becoming one in flesh before...but with God and His plans, and His grace..we are <3 call us husband and wife, best friends, soul mates, lovers, parents...whatever name you give us, we are one <3 and that is ALL God's glory...
And at the end of each day...usually when everyone is asleep and the house is so very quiet I love to sit and close my eyes and just listen..listen to the quiet yes..but listen to God as He shows me glimpses of the blessings He gave in that day..the areas that I didn't give to Him and took over...the parts where I just completely messed up and would have to ask forgiveness..and the parts where I let Him do His work <3 ...and I go to sleep talking with Him, and listening...that's why I am here, why we are here...for HIM, for His Glory <3 in every moment...do i get it all right? NO ... do I even come close? NO...I am so far away, and yet growing, and I am learning and seeing...what a gift from God <3
Hope everyone has a wonderful night <3 time for me to go listen <3
Love you all <3
"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do" Ephesians 2:8-10
Monday, January 10, 2011
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