Satisfied until something better comes along?!?!

My son JJ had his 6month check-up with his cardiologist...we only see him in office twice a year, I think this started when JJ was 3 or 4, probably 4...but we always have some hospital visit in the summer for either an MRA, or heart cath and we see his doctor then too...so we are down to 3 times a year..to me this is something I am so thankful for...when I remember after his birth, we were there every week, then month for a while, then every 2 months, then 3 and so on...so every 6 months, is wonderful to me....and while there is always a reality associated with these appointment..God kept me at a full and complete peace...something that isn't always easy to do...

Overall, JJ's appt was a great check-up and report! I am thrilled with this news....and then a somber reality that the leaky valve is now seeming to leak more, and we up his medicine and see his doctor again in 6months...and then something his doctor said is what has my heart is the littlest bit of pain and sorrow...he said this is why we have to come every 6months still, because of his leaking valve....in that moment I could hear myself saying, "Wait you mean we could be down to once a year?!?!" and the answer is yes, we could...but our reality is no, JJ has a leaking valve and we need to come every 6months, and whatever hospital summer visit in between....that is our reality...

Isn't is funny how thrilled I have been to be only going every 6 months, and loving that...and yet once I heard that we could be down to once a year...every 6 months seemed more serious, and less exciting...it was like a milestone that JJ hasn't hit yet...and maybe he never will...that is the reality....

And with this I am reminded of JJ's last week of school before Christmas vacation...we have worked so hard to get him in a general education classroom, he is in 1st grade this year, but still spends the majority of his time in lifeskills...in my mind I have been pushing him into a "regular" class, KNOWING he can do it, without a second thought, he WILL hit this milestone, and in my time frame, soon...but then his Christmas parties came along, well really since Thanksgiving he hasn't been able to be in the 1st grade class as much, and a small part of me thought he should, push him, he can do it, push him....how wrong I was....I never SAID or ask them to push him, but a small part of me thought they should....then I was so privileged to spend the last 2 days with him and his lifeskills class for the parties....the 2nd day he was suppose to be a part of the 1st grade party, but as I watched him, I listened to him, his body language and the relationship he has with his classmates, all the different teachers, and people in his school life and I realized something so big, so beautiful.....

JJ was happy, he is so happy at school, he is happy going for small parts to 1st grade, and coming back to his REAL class, his lifeskills where he feels safe, and so happy...I was overwhelmed with emotions as I just let him BE...I watched him and realized for the first time that is he never makes it into a "regular" room 100%, he may never make that milestone...but he is learning, socializing, and happy loving school... then his life is blessed...he is blessed , and so are we....God gave me a gift that day....that although he "should" be able to be in a "regular" class, and maybe one day he will...maybe, just possibly he won't...and why does that matter??? He will be wherever GOD takes him, and we just get to push where He asks, and stand still where He asks....what a GIFT....

God is so gracious, He has let me talk this "missed milestones" over and over and over with Him...and He has covered me in peace...and very gracefully whispered to me "pray"...so that is what I am doing and asking all of my prayer warriors to do with me..PRAY...pray that the leaking is controlled, healed, stopped...whatever God's plan is, please pray over my son's heart, his leaking valve, and that in the end that God's plans, God's will for us, for JJ be done <3 and He has given me acceptance...to just LOVE JJ, whether he is in lifeskills, or otherwise...accept that JJ is where he can be, and God has him...that the only milestones in JJ's life that even matter, are the ones that God gives him <3

God has his heart and his mind...both HE created for HIS purpose, HIS plan...and HIS glory <3

So for us...for JJ...there is nothing better to come along...it is funny how somethings seem so awesome, so right...until....until we think they should be different or better...when in reality, God created each of us so special, so specifically, for HIS plan...that there is not a "better"...we are HIS best <3

Love you All and always thank you for your prayers <3

"Let the morning bring me word of Your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in You. Show me the way I should go, for to You I entrust my life."

Psalm 143:8 

Where am I ??? Sabbatical Continues...

SO I left off at the end of May...onto my sabbatical...after what had been more than a "rough" year...JJ had an awful year, my school year, my relationships in life...everything had been AWFUL! I was broken, tired, sad, and anything but compassionate..I felt out of control and just done...
so onto my sabbatical I went..unsure of why God had chosen this word, what was in store..BUT one thing I knew for sure...it would be life changing...
and so it began...
I DECIDED what God was going to do, I KNEW it would be SOO awesome, I KNEW everyone was just going to look and go WOW...
BOY WAS I WRONG...I had tried to figure out what God was going to do and thought I would accomplish it so awesome, fast and it would be almost unbelievable to those who looked on..HA HA HA! Wrong again...
I have to go back a little to bring you to today...
Last year as I said before was one of the toughest years in my life...which seems odd for those of you who know me and my life intimately, you know we've walked through some crazy life moments, scary moments, and very sad and heart breaking moments...
but last year it was almost like it caught up, and so begin what would end up being the most amazing moments in my life...
My son began Kindergarten last year, and Kel was in 7th and I was continuing in my courses...Fall Schedule I decided 3 courses was enough because I had Physics, with that I took Teaching Math and British Lit....It was a tough load....
September 29th during Physics I get a call, my uncle had died in a car accident...my heart broke...this was the closest loss I had walked through in my life..you see my uncle and me would email every week, he would share family history with me, he would show pictures, and always ask about my life and what I was doing...and in this moment that all stopped, and in this moment my life was a little emptier...I hadn't gone through grief like this before, when my Grandfather died I was sad, but he had lived such a long full life, it was okay..but my uncle, well it didn't feel like he was done living...
right before this happened, JJ had been mishandled at school and moved classes and while he was trying to adjust to this, it wasn't happening...and my "Mommy mode" was constantly on, ready to defend EVERYWHERE...and now grief...
within a few weeks of this I decided I needed to finally get Migraine medicine because Motrin wasn't working..and THAT ended me up in the ER at 1am getting steroids and whatever else to stop this reaction...so I still had migraines and I now I was in defensive mode, grieving, and now in pain and tired..oh and gained 15lbs from the meds and felt depressed...
somehow we survived this semester...and made it to Christmas, a sense of relief was there in the fact that my semester was done, made a B in Physics, JJ was settling into a routine, and well that was that...
I grieved for my uncles absence at Christmas, it didn't feel real, in someways still doesn't, but it is....
one day I had lunch with a "friend" before I started back to school for Spring semester, and she shared a very hurtful event in my life she had heard, one that I have continued to have to relive over and over...a huge mistake I made that a told a "friend" about and she repeated over and over...I was devastated...I was so very broken with hurt and anger, the friendship had already fizzled out by this time because of this and other reasons, but this was just a moment that broke me...
I realized the friendship that was still fizzling had to stop, now...I ended it the best way I knew how at the time, without being ugly or nasty, I ended it in silence...something I can now say wasn't the best way, but it truly was the only way I could at that time...anyways this is how Spring started, and it was heart breaking..
I don't know how many of you have ever lost a friendship that after you are so hurt by you can't imagine ever trusting someone in that way again, but that's where I was...
And so I started my next semester with 3 courses, not realizing how burned out I felt, and still in grief and hurt now, and before my classes started JJ's behavior was almost unreal...
I dropped my 3rd class early into the semester and so now I felt grief, defensive again, hurt and in pain, fat added to this list, and now a failure...but I hid it well to those around me, or at least I thought I did...
the rest of the semester was a huge blur...I sat alot, I cried alot, I got tough, there were meetings, and then it was over...and what was left of me??
very very broken...in my mind I had failed in all these areas, all of them...
So the end of May came, and here I am ready to quit...praying on my knees, grieving on my knees...and just asking God to take all these feelings and pain away...HEAL ME NOW I would cry...STOP THIS NOW I would scream, MAKE IT ALL GO AWAY I would sob....
and then when I was done, and it was quiet I heard God whisper "Sabbatical"
WHAT??? my reaction was one of uncertainty and a little excited (you can read that in the previous blog) and then I was THRILLED, which brings me back to earlier where I wrote and I quote "so onto my sabbatical I went..unsure of why God had chosen this word, what was instore..BUT one thing I knew for sure...it would be life changing...
and so it began...
I DECIDED what God was going to do, I KNEW it would be SOO awesome, I KNEW everyone was just going to look and go WOW..." end quote and worthy to say again BOY WAS I WRONG!!
May 30th it began...
So what would I do first, what did this entail, where should I start????? All the wrong questions...I sat for the next month doing nothing...I stopped being on facebook, I gained more weight and I sat sad...I felt alone, and still broken...
I would ask God why, when, how, what....and His silence would sadden me....then I thought Okay I have to get the weight off, that is the first thing I am going to do...AND nope, I gained a little more!
Then, about half way through summer, about 1+month into this, I realized I hadn't stopped talking, God wasn't silent, He just couldn't speak over me, or wouldn't because He needed me to hear Him...
this wasn't about a change ANYONE else could see, it was about Him changing me inside...
Summer was almost over, and being in Gods word constantly was amazing...He HEALED me inside...and then BLESSED me abundantly through a series of events that I can't put into words accuratley, but it was beautiful...
He brought people into my life for healing, He allowed complete healing with the friendship I walked away from w/o that door opening again...He changed my heart, He opened my eyes....
and guess what???
I am STILL broken...but He showed me that I always will be until heaven, He showed me why, and He taught me, is STILL teaching me who He created me to be, who He deisgned me to be...and well I mess up daily, and He is teaching me how to love my inperfections, and His divine forgiveness...
He is showing me how to be me, how to be the wife He desires, the mother He desires, and the friend..and that these will always be a day to day progression and that set backs will come, but He is right there when they do....
So where does that leave me? My Sabbactical?
Well I will always be a work in progress...always, but Our Sabbatical, me and God's, well I am still in it, He isn't ready for me to stop "ceasing", I am still so unsure what I am "ceasing" from...
and now a new school year has begun, schedules are crazy, and God is teaching me how to be with Him in each moment and come to Him daily and have quiet time with Him daily..that to is a work in progress....
so that's the update, I am still very much in a sabbatical, I am still very much unsure of what it means, I am still very much in love with God who knows me, and I am excited to see where HE takes me, what HE desires, and what HIS plans are for me...I am truly blessed by those in my life, and I am learning to never go a day without seeing, truly seeing each person in my life has a DIVINE purpose, and what a GIFT whether it is through laughter or hurt that they bring me...
I will share this now, I AM SO thankful for the hurt, pain, challenges, grief, and over emotion of last year, YES THANKFUL, those moments, those people, events, days, brought me to SURRENDER ALL...my life is 100% in Gods hands, and though I struggle to take it back daily, He is SO good to have Grace and Lovingly show me how to let it go....
Oh and just a bonus of how good He is, JJ is having a wonderful year, still challenges, but I see God working in Him and me to work together for JJ's success..and Kel is having an awesome year, she too had challenges last year and let me just say, if you ever get a chance to meet this beautiful girl, you will see God ALL over her, His work in her is nothing short of a miracle..ALL for His glory...
and although I haven't talked about my husband alot in this yet, he is such a gift and I would like to share what I feel he would be okay with..first he truly walked with me through last year, I don't know anyone who could've dealt with the ups, downs and inside out moments the way my husband did...he would be sad with me and for me, he would get angry for me when my hurt was devasting, he would laugh for me when the tears couldn't stop, and he would break down with me when I tried to pretend I could handle it all....and I fell more in love with my husband through this, but it wasn't a "temporary" moment...I saw the man that God, depsite both of our walks, God had picked Fabian for me...not by chance, not because we both asked Him, but He knew who I HAD to have walk through some of the most PAINFUL life moments with..He knew Fabian and I needed eachother as we watched over and over and over our son go into heart surgeries, and procedures, and as we watched JJ cry, when one of us fell apart the other was strong, GOD KNEW what He was doing...He knew that when we both wanted to walk away that we wouldn't, that one of us if not both would be strong for this marriage...and then He knew after the first years were so painfully rough that when we didn't see love in eachother that HE would intervene and find His place in our hearts...and He did, not in our time but His...God is the head of our home, and my husband is standing up to lead our home...and I am sitting beside him..and those who know us KNOW that ONLY a God of ALL miracles, love, soveregnty, forgivness..could do all of this...My husband is my hero, my friend and the most amazing person I am blessed to spend this life with...
I love him, and everyday I fall into love all over...
and me??? well this is where I am, I have FOUR classes again, Spanish included and I LOVE it..I have been fighting a cold for over a month, on meds, most likely a flu type virus that turned into infection...our kiddos have been sick forever too...I have had to juggle more than I am capable...but I am not alone, I have God holding it all, and I am just walking as He leads...I am filled with JOY, on the great days and the sad days...I am learning more and more in life and family and love...
and I am still walking WITH God leading through this journey, and sabbatical....if you see me you may not see a difference..if you know me..then you see..maybe seemingly small steps, but with GIANT results...I am praying as I send this out that God's words are written, I am praying for those who read this that they see God, and what He can do, I am nothing without Him...
I love you all, I am so blessed to be in your life, thank you

"Create in me a pure heart O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me" Psalm 51:10
~This is what God helped me cling too...such a gift..such an AWEsome God we serve~
~Runnin' on Joy~

Taking a Sabbatical....

Recently God has really been working in some areas of my life...many areas, but all very closely related...as you read in previous blogs many changes over the last 6 months have taken place, some easier than others..but all extremely beneficial!
Now God is moving me in a very different direction, one I am not use to and still so unsure of the "terms" behind this..I am praying for specifics in this...
backing up a little bit, as you know I started going to school about 2 years ago, I have completed 5 semesters (1 being summer), and took last summer off..
Last summer was AMAZING, I loved every moment with my children, but as I recently reflected I realized some choices weren't the healthiest for myself or my kiddos, and the more I looked at it, well honestly I was disappointed that I chose to go places and sacrifice time one on one with my family..nothing against God or "sinful", just not the wisest of choices..or healthiest of situations, to say the least..and I will leave it there, gossip/slander has no room in this blog!!!
Anyways, as summer is coming once again I look at last year and see where things will be very different..one minor change, although sounds silly, is that I will be looking for activities BOTH my children can enjoy! It is hard to find something that a 13 and 6 almost 7 year old (w/heart and Autism) both love, and one being boy and girl..but I have set that as my goal! I looked back and SO many of the activities were geared toward JJ, and let's face it so much of our life is because we have to see what works health wise for him..BUT there are things BOTH my kids LOVE and that I will look for...
ANYWAYS, let me stop here and say I think this blog will jump back and forth so I hope you can follow!

So, last summer was still wonderful..we went on 2 family vacations, and got to travel for the first time as a family to places, THAT was amazing, and despite some of my recent realizations, it was by far the BEST summer we have had, we were outside almost daily, and in the water and laughing...so I am letting go of the "mistakes" and moving into this summer with BOTH eyes open, a new approach!

But what happened AFTER summer was that I had to go back to school and so did the kids...I felt very depressed, because i love my children, and I missed them! Plus JJ was going into Kinder and a new teacher and schedule, and I was VERY  depressed...no other way to put this! We decided, or maybe I decided with my husband backing me up that 3 classes was better this semester than 4, and it turned to be a very wise decision because JJ had a rough year, BUT my true reasoning wasn't him, although God used that for the benefit of the family!
This was not the true reason I wanted to go part time..I didn't even realize it until very recently what was changing...
This past semester was even more challenging, I started with 3 classes and had to drop 1 because of JJ's needs, and truly where I was at that time, it was the best decision!
But I thought it was all for JJ, and to "survive" this semester it was the best choice, but not fully for JJ...
the last 6 months of changes had SO many effects in my life...
so many things surfaced...and I don't mean childhood things, that happened to me years ago and I praise God for healing and forgiveness...
I mean INTERNAL things that were in the pit of me that I would NEVER allow a soul to know about ... and although God knew them, I NEVER discussed them with Him..Why? well that is another blog and another day!
So as things have surfaced, and healed and continue to surface, I am recently taking a lot of baby steps in each one, and taking them one thing at a time...
some days I try to take on more, or "fix" them, but I can't...and I fail...and I start again...
And truly the last 6 months although tough, have made me so much happier inside..I have focused, or refocused on what truly matters in this life, why I am here, and how to serve God in the way He desires...these have been wonderful small steps to a change that has been coming, or is happening..
One change that has happened is I will be full time again in the fall...with 14 hours..YES w/ Spanish it is more than 12, but  4 classes...i am excited, but I right away felt there was preparations that needed to take place as I started this...and so many other changes, small or not, they need time to get ready for!
Recently I have been hearing God showing and saying,
"Take a Sabbatical"
And I just keep going FROM WHAT????
I have 2 friends who have husbands taking Sabbaticals from work, well one just got back and one will be going in the near future...
I know 2 or 3 Pastors at our church who recently took time, and some an official Sabbatical...
I have heard this for over a month now...
so I did some reading on it...
I KNOW what it means, but I googled it anyways...since that was the word God showed me, and gave me, well it interested me to know more...
Here is the first page I read, and the most relevant for what I am walking through, or actually what I am about to step into...
"Sabbatical or a sabbatical (from Latin sabbaticus, from Greek sabbatikos, from Hebrew shabbat, i.e., Sabbath, literally a "ceasing") is a rest from work, or a hiatus, often lasting from two months to a year.

There were more details but it was the BOLDED part that stood out and God said YES...CEASE, now...
I am one to be obedient...but I had to ask as this went on..from what????
the answer I hear back is
"life"
ummmmmm okay?!?!? I don't get it...but then God made it ever so clear...
this summer I will be taking a
sabbatical
from what it all involves, I don't know the details...but it will involve all the baby steps I have been taking, adding up and taking the big steps, it is time for the hard work...
sounds opposite of the definition, huh???
BUT that is why it will be a sabbatical from life...God is asking for some radical changes in my life..will they be visible from the outside eye??? I have NO idea, if and when they are is Gods timing, and decision, not mine...
I don't know what it will look like just yet...I know what God has shown me so far...some of the ceasing will be how I spend time right now...I debated on "sharing" this information even, and prayed about it before, and knew it was a "yes share", mainly because I am so social, I didn't want anyone to worry or think anything was wrong when I didn't have any updates...
where I use so much to reach others for Him, He is asking for me to reach out to Him only right now...
so as it has begun, and I think through summer I will be on Sabbatical...
so no worries if I am not online, things are going to go wonderful...I guarantee it! This is completely from God and I look so forward to the hard work coming..
I hope and pray everyone enjoys there summer..I hope and pray that each of you has fun and stays safe...please feel free to call me, email, text...God is not asking me to fully "hide" away, just change in focus...
you will all stay in my prayers DAILY..and I will be back in August (maybe, I think?) to share whatever God desires of me!
<3 Love all of you <3
As always and Forever..

~Runnin' on Joy~

"Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me." Psalm 51:10

Identity Crisis...Found in Christ

I believe i am always growing...always striving to be who God created me to be..sometimes I think I misplace that idea and try to be more than who God desires me to be, which in the end means i am less...lately, I have struggled with this..over the last 10 years of my life..ok really my entire life I have struggled with who I am..I have so much in my mind and heart and if I JUST had the tools then...
so often without even realizing it I have had these struggles...
when i found God and became a Christian I thought AWESOME..I am "a Christian"...so whenever I was in doubt or disarray I could  go back and say "wait I am a Christian"...but what is that???
I believe in God, I know God, I have a personal relationship with Him...but who am I?? Who am I in Christ?
At first I followed in the footsteps of those who taught me about Christ, I hear this is common, and at some point you have to branch off...
like a baby bird who has to learn to fly, you know how they learn??? the get pushed out of the nest if they don't jump on their own!! No kidding!
So for a while i think God allows us to follow in the footsteps of those who have walked with Him longer, who know Him intimately(and I believe we should always have a mentor!), but as our Father, He desires for us to know Him for ourselves, and through that I believe we find out who we are...so about 2 years, maybe 3yrs ago I was very reluctantly PUSHED out of my tree of comfort..I like the tree, I liked being under the guidance of those with more knowledge,...I could see them fly, and fly in my mind, it was nice...
I believe God let me stay in the nest longer than some because of JJ, He knew that I had to be cared for because of the strain of JJ's health..I also believe sometimes He takes us out of the air to rest in the nest as needed, because we can't fly non-stop, we need rest...
so when I was pushed out the nest...I fell, I tried to get my wings going, but I fell...I fell further and further, I would try to flap to keep up, but I wouldn't be able too...I could even feel God put his hand to help my fly, but I was stubborn and wouldn't let Him help.."I've got it, I am gonna fly alone, I got it"
WRONG...I didn't have anything right, I fell, and the point wasn't to fly alone, it was suppose to be to learn how to fly with God, to let God guide me, and I would follow, and when I wasn't sure how to follow He would grab my wings and direct them..
I missed the point...it was a hard lessen as I hit the ground, and my wings were broken, scratched and bruised...and my ego was shattered...my embarrassment of this fall had me handle things in so many wrong ways..I felt like i had failed God...
God shook His head, picked me up, healed my pain, healed my bruises, carried me back to the nest...it took time, I had to sit in my pain, I had to sit in the choices...I waited for God to tell me I had been totally wrong I hadn't really EVER knew Him...
I waited for God to tell me that I wasn't really a Christian..and in my mind i thought than who am I?
God never said any of this to me...He said I love you, He said He was disappointed that I thought He wouldn't fly with me, and my mistakes caused Him sadness, because they caused me such great pains...
I was having an Identity Crisis...
I thought I had it figured out, and I could fly alone...
not only could I not fly alone, I wasn't suppose to...had I paid attention, when God pushed me out of that nest, He pushed several others out, we were suppose to lean on each other to learn how to fly, to follow Him...I missed it completely...
so I sat back in the nest, and long after the bruises healed, and wings were working...
my heart hurt...God had forgiven me, but my pain inside kept me sitting...
God would check on me DAILY, HOURLY, SECONDS of EACH MINUTE..to see if I was ready to let Him push me to fly again..and I knew I wasn't flying alone and yet...
so many of those times I just looked down, shook my head quietly no, and said "not today God, I can't do it, i am not strong enough.."
God understood, and loved me just the same...
I do believe He was saddened because He knew what I was missing...that my OWN self inflicted pain and grief wasn't needed...
this has been over the last 6 months...over the last 2 or so months I get up each day and I look over that nest, it is a long fall down..I take one step, but i stand back..something keeps me in the nest..fear maybe, the fear of falling again, the fear of failure again, messing up again..whatever it is or was, it was LIES, and the truth is I serve a loving God who picks me up when I fall, and loves me just the same...today I heard HIM, so loud, so clear, I felt His love flowing through EVERY part of me..I heard truth, I heard His promises, I heard HIM!
TODAY I JUMPED...God didn't even have to push me...TODAY I JUMPED!
I jumped and guess what???
I didn't fall...my wings still need practice, a lot of it, but when my wings start taking me in the wrong direction, I just stop flapping, I kinda go on auto pilot, which isn't controlled by a fancy computer, but by a MIGHTY GOD, who KNOWS exactly where to take me!!
God is and ALWAYS will be my guide, and my cruise control...
I am not flying alone...today I fly with Christ and many others who know Him...
the last months as I have been getting ready to be "pushed" have been hard..I have been growing with God, REALLY learning more of who He is...
one thing is He showed me that I HAVE been a Christian with all my heart, soul, mind, spirit since I ask Him in my life...
Next He showed me that I am still broken, and will struggle with flying my whole life, this doesn't make me any less of a person, or follower of God..I am and ALWAYS will be a Christian..
He also showed that my mistakes, where I fell didn't put me back to the start line..He showed me how different my 2nd time in the nest was from my 1st...
that when I had to go back in for "recovery" it was not because I couldn't fly, it wasn't because I was still learning who He was...I KNEW Him ( I mean I learn more daily, and always will) , and He put me in the nest to heal, and grow to HIM! To fully trust Him and His plan in my life!
And through this...I am learning who I am in HIM! Who HE created me to be...it is a process, and I believe, and know I will have more "nest breaks" in the future..but not because I had to start over, but because they are needed to keep growing, to keep flying...
I love how God does that, that He loves us and meets us where we are to GROW to Him....
so who am I?
Rachel...I am who God created me to be, and I learn more about that each day, and each day opens new doors, new directions..new desires..and tons of growth!
I am learning there will be really awesome days where I will see so much as I fly..and other days that I will simply fly to stay up, but not get very far...and that is okay..
I am learning to let Him lead..to follow..to hear Him..
and I PRAISE a God who designed me so very specifically, with a love beyond measure...
I hope each of you jumps when your ready, or allows God to push you when you're to scared..I pray that as you fall you let go and give it to Him..and I REJOICE with you as you learn when to fly with Him leading and when to let Him take FULL control and just be still...
love you all
Below is a gift God gave me as I ask the question
(lengthy, but worth the read, I found on a website and printed!)

Who Am I in Christ?


• I am a child of God; God is spiritually my Father.

Romans 8:14,15

because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father."

Galatians 3:26

You are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus

John 1:12

Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God

• I am a new creation in Christ; old things have passed away and all things have become new.

2 Corinthians 5:17

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!

• I am in Christ.

Galatians 3:26,28

You are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.

• I am an heir with the Father and a joint heir with Christ.

Galatians 4:6.7

Because you are sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, "Abba, " So you are no longer a slave, but a son; and since you are a son, God has made you also an heir.

Romans 8:17

Now if we are children, then we are heirs heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.

• I am reconciled to God and am an ambassador of reconciliation for Him.

2 Corinthians 5:18-19

All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation.

• I am a saint.

Ephesians 1:1

Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus by the will of God, to the saints in Ephesus, the faithful in Christ Jesus:

1 Corinthians 1:2

to the church of God in Corinth, to those sanctified in Christ Jesus and called to be holy, together with all those everywhere who call on the name of our Lord Jesus Christ their Lord and ours:

Philippians 1:1

Paul and Timothy, servants of Christ Jesus, to all the saints in Christ Jesus at Philippi, together with the overseers and deacons:

• I am God's workmanship, created in Christ for good works.

Ephesians 2:10

For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

• I am a citizen of heaven.

Ephesians 2:19

Consequently, you are no longer foreigners and aliens, but fellow citizens with God's people and members of God's household

Philippians 3:20

But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ

• I am a member of Christ's body.

1 Corinthians 12:27

Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it.

• I am united to the Lord and am one spirit with Him.

1 Corinthians 6:17

But he who unites himself with the Lord is one with him in spirit.

• I am the temple of the Holy Spirit.

1 Corinthians 3:16

Don't you know that you yourselves are God's temple and that God's Spirit lives in you?

1 Corinthians6:19

Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own.

• I am a friend of Christ.

John 15:15

I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.

• I am a slave of righteousness.

Romans 6:18

God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God

• I am the righteousness of God in Christ.

2 Corinthians 5:21

God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

• I am enslaved to God.

Romans 6:22

But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves to God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life.

• I am chosen and ordained by Christ to bear fruit.

John 15:16

You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name.

• I am a prisoner of Christ.

Ephesians 3:1

For this reason I, Paul, the prisoner of Christ Jesus for the sake of you Gentiles

Ephesians 4:1

As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received.

• I am righteous and holy.

Ephesians 4:24

and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

• I am hidden with Christ in God.

Colossians 3:3

For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God.

• I am the salt of the earth.

Matthew 5:13

"You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness,how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything,except to be thrown out and trampled by men."

• I am the light of the world.

Matthew 5:14

"You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden."

• I am part of the true vine.

John 15:1-2

"I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful."

• I am filled with the divine nature of Christ and escape the corruption that is in the world through lust.

2 Peter 1:4

Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires.

• I am an expression of the life of Christ.

Colossians 3:4

When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.

• I am chosen of God, holy and dearly loved.

Colossians 3:12

Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience

1 Thessalonians 1:4

For we know, brothers loved by God, that he has chosen you

• I am a child of light.

1 Thessalonians 5:5

You are all sons of the light and sons of the day. We do not belong to the night or to the darkness.

• I am a partaker of a heavenly calling.

Hebrews 3:1

Therefore, holy brothers, who share in the heavenly calling, fix your thoughts on Jesus, the apostle and high priest whom we confess.

• I am more than a conqueror though Christ.

Romans 8:37

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.

• I am a partaker with Christ and share in His life.

Hebrews 3:14

We have come to share in Christ if we hold firmly till the end the confidence we had at first

• I am one of God's living stones, being built up in Christ as a spiritual house.

1 Peter 2:5

you also, like living stones, are being built into a spiritual house to be a holy priesthood offering spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ.

• I am a chosen generation, a royal priest hood, a holy nation.

1 Peter 2:9

But you are a chosen people, a royal priest hood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.

• I am the devil's enemy.

1 Peter 5:8

Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.

• I am born again by the Spirit of God.

John 3:3-6

In reply Jesus declared, "I tell you the truth, no one can see the kingdom of God unless he is born again" "How can a man be born when he is old?" Nicodemus asked. "Surely he cannot enter a second time into his mother's womb to be born!" Jesus answered, "I tell you the truth, no one can enter the kingdom of God unless he is born of water and the Spirit. 6Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit gives birth to spirit.

• I am an alien and a stranger to this world.

1 Peter 2:11

Dear friends, I urge you, as aliens and strangers in the world, to abstain from sinful desires, which war against your soul.

• I am a child of God who always triumphs in Christ and releases His fragrance in every place.

2 Corinthians 2:14

But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumphal procession in Christ and through us spreads everywhere the fragrance of the knowledge of him.

• I am seated in heavenly places in Christ.

Ephesians 2:6

And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus

• I am saved by grace.

Ephesians 2:8

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God

• I am a recipient of every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places

in Christ.

Ephesians 1-6 (The Whole book!)

• I am redeemed by the blood of the Lamb.

Revelations 5:9

And they sang a new song: "You are worthy to take the scroll and to open its seals, because you were slain, and with your blood you purchased men for God from every tribe and language and people and nation."

• I am part of the Bride of Christ and am making myself ready of Him.

Revelations 19:7

Let us rejoice and be glad and give him glory!For the wedding of the Lamb has come, and his bride has made herself ready.

• I am a true worshiper who worships the Father in spirit and in truth.

John 4:24

God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in spirit and in truth.

Debating with God...

First from the title I need to clarify I am not trying to "brag" about debating w/ God or suggest you debate with God...because I know, He is the ALL-Knowing, ALL Powerful God, and well His reasons are ALWAYS better than mine and better for me even when I can't see...

but yet in my flaw-filled self I do find myself often debating with Him..
even small things, like this blog...
my debate went

"Okay God I should blog tonight, I have nothing to say, well I have a lot to say, can I just type a random meaningless blog...ok your aren't saying anything, I will take that as a no..or a yes? okay, I know that is not why I blog, I can be meaningless and random in other areas, like fb or in a fun conversation w/ family or friends...or emails" ..but my blog, well God has made it clear what He would like it to be about..the deep part of me that has to do w/ Him, my relationship with Him, my growth, overall...my heart..

God's silence said it all..

and then he prompted me to blog about my moment with Him, because there are many moments when I KNOW what He is asking of me, and yet I debate, I question...do I think it is wrong? NO, i think it is good, because in those moments I have learned what part is me and what is Him, I have learned His love and acceptance of me is unbreakable, and that He desires I open my FULL heart to Him, even my questions..
I debate on my serious things with Him too, like relationships and decisions financially..I can always tell when I hear Him and I say to myself "Oh that's just me doubting, not God, He agrees with me"

FIRST, I should mention when I speak to myself, I know God hears me...and

SECOND, I know when I say "God agrees with me"...Well that is RED flag on fire...I know the Creator of ALL, doesn't agree with MY decisions, I go to Him and He guides me to HIS desires..and then He agrees or disagrees with how I handle it...but I am not in control of His thoughts, or His plans, it is completely switched...THIS is how I know when I am not listening...

sorry if that is unclear, but more or less I just mean, I realize I am not running the show, and when I try it is never Gods plan, or His desires, because His desires is me letting go and trusting HIM to run the show, He knows what He is doing far better than I do..
At church yesterday, in a series of Q &A, where the congregation submitted questions and our pastor is answering them according to the Bible, Gods words, promises and truths, to sum it up he was speaking on Free will and God ALL knowing, I am sure you've heard the question before or spoke it maybe, the " God is ALL knowing, and knows what I am going to do, and yet He gives me free will to choose?"
That is not the exact wording from the sermon, but the general idea...and not to drift off subject, but the truths are amazing in this...one quote our pastor said made me giggle, because it is so true
"You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink"
Sooo true, and same with a non-believer, you can speak on the truths and love of God, you can teach them all about His promises and plans, but that person has to decide on the OWN whether to fall to their knees and give their life to Christ!
I love what our pastor added next..this is where free will, meets Gods plans...
"So you have the horse or person at the water, you have led them there, and because of free will from God they have to choose Him or walk away, and God won't force Himself...but God sure can and will make them really really thirsty!"
I LOVE that!

God loves us SO much that He won't invade our freedom to choose, He won't come in uninvited, because He respects us even when we don't respect Him, or ourselves!
And yet His love is SO big He won't stop there, He doesn't go, OH well they won't drink, and walk away...NO He does anything He can to "make them thirsty" , to show them, to invite them to Him...
AMAZING!
And that same love is given as I debate with Him, or try to put ear plugs in so I can make my own choice...because you see...I invited Him in, almost 9years ago, truly for the first time...

I had been standing at the water for most of my life, I knew about Him, He never gave up on me..He made me SO thirsty, and I would say several times a splash came off the fountain, I tasted the water..it was great, I loved it..and it was enough to make me say " Cool, I'm good, God knows me"
and turn to walk away from the fountain...
I would return to the fountain, after a while no one led me there (no person) , I just knew Gods call, I knew what He was asking of me..and I would become so very thirsty....
THAT night, the night I drank from the fountain, the abundance of water poured over me..well words can't describe that night...
and because of that night, the night I gave my life to God, I opened my life, my heart, and gave it ALL to Him, because of that, He is welcome to ALWAYS be there..sooo now when I don't listen, He is RIGHT there, He is whispering so loudly the world is drowned out and it is the most beautiful love...
and I love that I can talk openly, honestly with Him..all though it took time, until I realized, well He already KNOWS that thought or KNOWS what I did, so I need to talk it through with Him..
and as I am ready to just feel horrible as I speak to Him, I am ready to be filled with guilt and ugliness (ALL lies from satan, by the way)
Well I am met with LOVE, COMFORT, TRUTH (this is big, because truth is NOT easy always, but God will walk us through the truths we can't face alone), ACCEPTANCE, ENCOURAGMENT, oh and ANSWERS!! And so much more...God meets me, answers me, loves me, and understands me in a way no one else can..
So there is the blog, as I finish it I feel there is more to say, but I know this is where God took me tonight...I pray the words are clear, and truths are seen, and just openness and honesty..I pray those who read this see the love of God..the flaws in us as humans..and the lies of satan and the world...
I also pray you see my heart is open..

I am still walking in this journey, I am learning daily (something that will never stop),
I still sin daily ( not proud of this, but in my brokenness I KNOW I sin daily), I still have questions for God that He answers so loving, I have good days and bad, but on my bad I know I need to stay on my knees, and when I can't I know others will, I get angry more than I wish, but less than I use to by the day!
I am just walking in this life, praying for God to guide me daily, and when I fall or walk the wrong way I love that He reaches out and redirects me..
I love in my debates to Him or with Him that He ALWAYS wins..because He loves me, He knows me, He made me, and He is molding me...
"Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me." Psalm 51:10
Amen!
Love you ALL!

Happy Easter!

It is late on Easter evening..and after a beautiful celebration, I am tired...
I have to say this Easter was really low key for us, and this year I am thankful for that!
After not much sleep, we woke up late, and the egg hunt was on!
I have to admit I think Kel was not overly enthusiatic about joining, in on it, later I told her she is MORE than welcome to just watch next year =) turning 13 and all!
Anyways, JJ LOVED the egg hunt and I loved seeing the joy in his face...
we all began getting ready for church, and I was thrilled, I KNEW the message would be powerful and intimate, and I knew God would meet me there and speak to me..
so it didn't surprise me when Kel came to me and said her face was itchy and breaking out, she was having an allergic reaction to something..it didn't surprise me because I knew God needed me at church today, He was meeting me there, and helping me along...so satan stepped in..and he didn't stop there..
we got Kel some benedryl, the blotched were lightening w/in 30 minutes...
I had to get ready and when I put my contacts in, a burning came over my left eye...I desperately got the contact out and soaked it, while attempting to flush my eye and lessen the pain...
and for some reason when it was better I tried putting my contacts in again, not sure why!
IT BURNED AGAIN!
I did rinse and scrub it first, but nothing helped..but thankfully I upgraded my glasses this year for the first time in 5yrs or more, so I could SEE when I wore them!
satan wasn't stealing our morning!
We were running late after all of this, we made a plan that Fabi would drop me and the kids at the door...NO STRESS, satan had lost the battle, we were getting to church late or not
And what happens when we drive in...a front spot open!!
We parked and walked in 2 min late!
It was ALL God....satan lost his battle and we kept our eyes on what mattered!
God met me at church, and I look forward to sharing this week what He did, in 1 hour at church!
But that will wait when i am not so sleepy and I can give my full attention!
We had a wonderful lunch with my mom, and made plans to start new Easter traditions w/ our family, and enjoyed..the benedryl finally hit Kel and she was miserable, so we got home and she passed out!
I was not feeling great, JJ has the start of a cold, which I think I am picking up...he passed out at 7pm...I am awake, after a short nap, and feeling a little yuck I must admit!
BUT it doesn't matter with all of that because today we are blessed, and alive and free, because Jesus paid the cost for our sins..
and despite the delays of the day, the yuck feelings...satan LOST, we were at church, we celebrated our hearts out with our Saviour, we celebrated more at home, we talked and rejoiced in our loving God!!!
Today was a blessing...and no matter if we are all in bed tomorrow..we are still blessed, to be loved by the King of ALL Kings!
Happy Ressurection Sunday!
Happy Easter!
I love you ALL!

Baby Steps with Huge results....

About a year ago, maybe longer I realized that although I had been walking with Christ since 2002, I had not been walking IN Him..


I am not saying I was saying one thing and doing another, or being "fake" about my Christianity...I was just stuck in the "baby" stage and not growing with God and IN Him...and I would notice I would slip up on my quiet time and just push it aside...

trust me, being where I was before I knew God, there was NO way I was going BACK..steps backwards, mess ups, that was fine..but I will never walk away from God again...because I KNOW firsthand what that results in...

so over the last year or so, God has really been pushing me to be walking IN His words, His truths, His ways..100%, (mess-ups still happening) but that everywhere I looked I could see what part He had in it...I found the parts that He created nothing less than AWE...and the sin around me sometimes too hard to even face..but this time, God didn't allow me to walk away from sin, as I did while I was in my "baby" stage..you see when you become a Christian and haven't quite learned how to walk, I believe God carries you away from things that might hurt or distract you..I mean satan still tries to seep his way in, but you see he can't if you are a baby and surrounded by God and His love...

BUT soon it is time to walk, and if you resist walking too long, God can't keep carrying you (figurative of growth, we know God ALWAYS carries us!) Oh and if you crawl in this part of life you’re in the mud with satan..YUCK

And if you refuse to walk, well you sit still..RIGHT????

Yes..and without knowing it, that is what started happening to me in 2008ish...and satan got in..and my marriage was close to over...

I had been offered to take part in a love dare for my husband, who I was angry at and I hadn't seen the movie, and at the time didn't want to really...but after God really prompting me, I started the love dare..small steps each day with HUGE Godly results...my marriage was SAVED..and I love my husband more each day..and if that wasn't enough, my husband has become my BEST friend, I mean the one you want to invite when you hear of a cool place to go, the one you want to stay up next to and read a book together...the one you can LAUGH so hard with..the one you can share your deepest thoughts and secrets with and KNOW they are safe, and you are never judged..THAT BEST FRIEND! And God didn't stop there..

He picked up my hands and started helping me walk..BOY was it hard to learn to walk and to be honest some days still a year later, He is STILL helping me stand up to walk when I feel like I should sit..

because as God has helped me walk, He has had me face sin HEAD on...He has allowed sin to come into my "safety zone" and hasn't allowed me to sit, and hasn't carried me away from it..WHY????

because He loves me, and He knows I HAVE to grow to Him, and IN Him..to KNOW Him, I have to know the complete opposite of Him..the evil, that only He can help me to stay away from..

and it has almost seemed at times I drag my feet, because facing sin, my own and others, and some against me..HURTS...but knowing that hurt has allowed me to know JOY..

I have experienced so much JOY in my life over the last year..and at the same time some of the biggest Hurts as I walk in Christ..I mean I had PLENTY of hurt before I knew God, but I handled it, let's just say very different, I won't glorify the details in that!

Hurt after you KNOW God is different, it is real, and it is painful...

but the JOY after you know God is something I can't describe in words outside of JOY, it is nothing you can imagine, it is just short of heaven..PURE JOY

So, baby steps in the last year or so, have had HUGE results...and each day opens new doors, new adventures..new direction, but I am WALKING, sometimes running to what God has in store for our family..of course when I run, I fall, and God lovingly reminds me to walk, never rush His plans..the timing is perfect!

So as I continue in my baby steps...I KNOW and SEE and FEEL the HUGE results...

now I am asking God to help me with this in specific struggles..and as I release the control, He does!

I pray each of you takes at least 1 baby step today...at the end of a year that would be 365 baby steps..that is HUGE and guaranteed to have HUGE results!

Love you All!!

Less the Perfect..(a little..a lot)

I was driving 2 days ago, and talking with God as I often do, and He gives me this title for my blog...


I have to admit I was a little baffled by this..I mean DUH I know I am not perfect...NO i didn't say DUH to God, just out loud to myself...

but God heard me..

because I know i am MUCH less than perfect, but maybe I still strive for perfection???

And in the loving ways that God does things..very loving way..He begin to show me ALL of my imperfections..

in small things, and okay to be honest He didn't show me all my imperfections, or I would have had to go into a mental hospital...lol..but REALLY! I know they are there, but SOME are not things I am ready to face FULL on!

But in the last 2 days, God has very lovingly helped me remember I am less than perfect..in strange small ways...

like for a NON-related example, seeing someone trip, I trip ALL the time, but thinking I would NEVER trip over that...and then I spill HUGE pieces of food all over my shirt..HAHAHA..oh guess that is a reminder..and goes back to that judging thing I mentioned last blog...

that actually did NOT happen, but it was a perfect description of the little humorous things God did to show me...

one thing I can recall specifically, is getting onto Kelli yesterday about dishes, and chores, etc...

and turning around and saying something like "right here, like this for one example of what I mean"...she so sweetly responded "that is JJ's" ...did I go to JJ, noooo..and I tried and went on "ok right here".."that is Papi's"...ohhhh ok, I will get to him later I thought, but didn't say.."OH what about this Kelli.." and she so sweetly responded AS SHE PICKED IT UP "Mommy this is yours from earlier, I wasn't here"

OUCH..right to the heart..and don't picture me hounding my daughter around the house berating her...it DIDN'T happen like that, we were cleaning, picking up and i would mention things as we went along..and some things in between those events were hers and she admitted where she could work..BUT they weren't ALL her, why? because we are ALL less than perfect, ME BIG TIME, and so is she...and yet I expect her to just get it...and no I didn't berate her this time, but God reminded me again so lovingly of how my expectations of her are higher than of myself sometimes...how I have broken her spirit just a little, over a dirty bathroom..WHY?

because I am striving for perfection..ohhhhhhhhhhhh ugh..no not ME?!?!?!?

"Yes you" God so lovingly reminded me...

and there were MANY events over these 2 days like this..most extremely small to an outside eye, but HUGE to me..and then I knew why He gave me the title...

BUT He didn't stop there, not at all...

He continued to walk with me and as I saw another pimple, another wrinkle, another tight pair of jeans...another pile of dirty kids clothing, tripping in Kels room, and over JJ's toys...

that in ALL this LESS than perfect life He has given me, it is BEAUTIFUL!

Yep, the pimple is a reminder I have a face that HE created for me, and the wrinkle..the tight pants are a reminder of my imperfections and lack of health..but HE created me and yes wants my health to improve, but not so the jeans fit better...so I can glorify Him in this life, and feel up to the tasks!

the dirty clothes, dishes, floors...reminding me I have a family HE gave me to share this life with..

and that the OUTSIDE of me, the OUTSIDE look of my house...the part people see ONLY with their eyes..is NOT the way God sees me..He sees the inside..my heart, and the loving pieces...He doesn't see the dirt of the house, He sees the LAUGHTER that beams from one side of the walls to the other..

He sees when i fail with my words w/ Kelli...but He also sees as I HUG her so tightly, when I realized I didn't say what I felt, I said what I saw...

He sees me raise my voice to JJ to get back in bed for the 100th time, and I do not want to get off the couch, I am tired...BUT then He sees me get up anyways, go tickled, tuck and love him..

OR just as often, He sees my husband say "I got him" and jump up to go love on him...

That is what God sees..

so this morning as I was getting dressed just enough to drive the kids and walk JJ in..I didn't put contacts in, I threw a yellow hat on my head, and wore slippers...I didn't even look in the mirror...

but as I drove, God revealed His sunrise, it was breathtaking...

and in that moment, in all the moments I am breathtaking to Christ, when I am living in Him, and for Him..and in my LESS than perfect life, that is when I am closest to Him...

today I feel nothing less than beautiful..and completely LESS than perfect!

What a beautiful day to be a daughter or son of Christ!

Hoping each of your LESS than perfect days are filled with nothing LESS than beauty and love!

Love you All!

Just some thoughts...

I can't believe it is Friday and Spring Break is coming to an end so soon...but as I look back on the last week I can SEE visibily with my eyes all the progress and projects we accomplished over the week and I can REMEMBER what fun we had in between the projects and the looks on my childrens faces which were and are priceless,..I am going to miss the day to day with my children as the school caos and life creep back in..I would love to say they won't, but being realistic they will because of our current schedule as it is right now.. and yes changes are being put in place for this "problem" but won't go in effect this year...
anyways...what I can't see exactly with my eyes, but I can see it in and with my heart is what God did this week...
He is taking me and my family into new and unseen territory, He is leading us in a different direction than I thought we would go...
it is exciting..and although no one around may even see a difference, I do..my family does...
they are seeing a different part of me, some is slow...I am working through and walking through some things that have kept certain unhealthy attributes in my life...
and the beautiful part of these not so beautiful attributes is that my husband is speaking to me, God is using Him to speak beautiful truths to me, and to love me in only the way a husband and best  friend can and WILL!
One of the struggles I have and up until now I have not been willing  to share with anyone, is my struggle with weight...
YES WEIGHT!
Okay so many around me can see my struggle, that is not what I mean..my intern struggle..the reason WHY I struggle with weight gain and loss..and while i am not ready to go into details on here and maybe i never will, I am willing to reveal that God has so lovingly shown me some of this...and is helping me to overcome the FEAR I have ... fear of failing AKA gaining the weight back..or not losing,..and the fear of judgement..
that led into so many other areas God is working on me in...
the FEAR OF JUDGEMENT!
Wow, that is huge, and so very true....I have spent way to much energy wondering and caring what others may thing of me..and not enough time on what GOD thinks of me, and HIS view and judgement is the ONLY legitimate one...we should NOT be judging one another
then He showed me how i tend to "form opinions" of things based on things i hear AKA Judgment..I am not in nature a judging person, but when someone hurts me, WOW gloves come off and i see a side of me that I wish wasn't there...and with everything God is doing, it won't be there for long...YES!!! I can't rejoice enough on this part!!!!
so jumping around this weight struggle led to God revealing so much more..and it has been hard but AMAZING as I see these things shedding off of me, and soon to follow I know the pounds will! It is exciting and scary to reveal...so this blog is facing a fear, and guess what??? NO FEAR!
FREEDOM, I feel FREEDOM!!!!
Praise God for never giving up on me, for continuously finding ways to speak to me, and reveal pieces of His plan for me and my family..I am happy, and in AWE!
I am in love with my God, my Father in Heaven, my ALL in ALL!!!

AND maybe the next step will be to go into more detail about the actual weight part..idk, but if I do you will know! ;-)
love you all

Testimony of how Powerful, Loving, and Mighty God IS!

I feel like our family is in a new "season" of life..

In fact, I know we are!

It has been one with many changes and one with a good amount of stress..and in moments I almost found myself questioning God's plan for our family..I KNOW crazy!

BUT just when I thought my exhaustion and extreme fatigue were at an all time high, and I thought I was going to drop to the ground...

God came in a carried me!

I am reminded of the poem "Footprints in the Sand"

How often do we only look for what we can SEE with our eyes, and forget it is what we don't see, but what we KNOW is there that matters!!

Having FAITH!!

"Faith is being sure of what we hope for, and certain of what we do not see"

Hebrews 11:1

God didn't one time look away from us, and our extreme fatigue, and my heart breaking...in fact He was there to get me up each morning and He is here today!

Most of this "stress" to find a simple name, came from JJ's recent school behaviors...along with normal life stress..and my heart was broken each day as I was called, over and over...or when I arrived to get him, he was in the office or had been! This has been such a TRIAL!

BUT as with all trials, God has been in the front line, fighting each of them for our family..and keeping me going day in and day out..for this I am ON MY KNEES, and Praising Him!

About 2 weeks ago, I went to a Women’s Retreat, which I go to each year...this year the speaker was great, and the theme was "Simplicity"!

WOW, could that not have fit more perfectly! I was hesitant to go, and stressed with everything I would be leaving behind, and all of the "JJ stuff" .. but my husband said there was NOT an option, I was going and I needed this! BOY was he right!

I went, and God took me through SO many stages..and showed me where He was taking me and our family! It was beautiful!!

And it was SIMPLE!

I can't put what He shared in exact words..but first and most important

"TRUST ME!" (Trust HIM)

And the rest falls along those lines..but each of the words He spoke to me, came back to that...

"Are you TRUSTING me?"

The truth is I believed I was..I always have..but recently in the last few months, I had taken over, and I (key word) was looking for a plan or solution for JJ, and then for everything in my life..it is contagious..all of a sudden you take over one area, and then you try taken over your own life...

BOY a mistake, and a stressful one...

following the retreat, God has continued to show us that He making changes in our family...and asking us to be patient..this can be hard, but there is NO way I will go back to trying to figure this one out on my own, that never works!

One thing He did do, is give us a direction "clue" .. last Wednesday right after the retreat, I was ask to give part of my testimony, with my sister...

He revealed His GLORY in my life..He reminded me of the power of PRAYER, as the story was shared..and He showed me His unconditional Love in so many ways..it was beautiful, because it was the story of Christ, the Love of Christ, the forgiveness of Christ..the pursuing He does for EACH of us!

This was ALL for His Glory..and He REIGNED over our services this past Sunday...I am so humbled that God would use me, use my "mess" and turn it into HIS GLORY!

This was a small step in the direction He is taking us..reminding us of what He has done and will continue to do..reminding us that we are HIS, and we are here for Him, to serve HIM..and tell the world of His Might, His Power, His love..and His unconditional forgiveness!!!

I am humbled to be loved and pursued in this way..I am humbled to receive love in this way..and I am humbled at the beautiful reminder He gave me..that He has never and will never give up on me..

and I love this new season we are in, one of transition, one of patience, one of love..and one that is taking us into places we have never been...

I am in AWE..and I am so blessed to be able to share this with so many!

ALL for God's GLORY!

"Be STILL and know that I am God"

Psalm 46:10

(This was the verse focus for our retreat!!)

Songs that God gives me...

Just a quick blog to share 3 songs God has recently given me to bless me and lift me up through the changes!

Something Beautiful
by: Need to breathe

In your ocean, I'm ankle deep
I feel the waves crashin' on my feet
It's like I know where I need to be
But I can't figure out, yeah I can't figure out

Just how much air I will need to breathe
When your tide rushes over me
There's only one way to figure out
Will ya let me drown, will ya let me drown

Hey now, this is my desire
Consume me like a fire, 'cause I just want something beautiful
To touch me, I know that I'm in reach
Cause I am down on my knees, I'm waiting for something beautiful
Oh, something beautiful

And the water is risin' quick
And for years I was scared of it
We can't be sure when it will subside
So I won't leave your side, no I can't leave your side
Hey now, this is my desire
Consume me like a fire, 'cause I just want something beautiful
To touch me, I know that I'm in reach
'Cause I am down on my knees, I'm waiting for something beautiful
Oh, something beautiful

In a daydream, I couldn't live like this
I wouldn't stop until I found something beautiful
When I wake up, I know I will have
No, I still won't have what I need

Hey now, this is my desire
Consume me like a fire, 'cause I just want something beautiful
To touch me, I know that I'm in reach
'Cause I am down on my knees, I'm waiting for something beautiful
Oh, something beautiful (fade out)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ueP05bkWVvQ

Totally reccomend watching..it reinforces the words!
another one
"Your hands"
JJ Heller
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FlL8LayF0uw

Lead me to the Cross
by Hillsong United
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vdq9Q8wJdjc

Hosanna
by Hillsong United
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=we4t0fAnGBA

These links SHOULD be clean and good ones...if not google and look it up...
they are BLESSING and AMAZING!!!!

Changing Directions...

If I had to guess CHANGE and DIRECTIONS can be 2 very uncomfortable words to say the least.,.well, when put together they can almost be scary, or cause anxiety...or plain old exausting!

BUT when God changes your direction, it is "PERFECT" right?

Well...YES it is the PERFECT plan for your life, because we know God created you for His purpose and His plans for you are perfect..but sometimes i think we believe that means it should be EASY..

EASY AND GODS PERFECTION are not the same thing...

in fact, when you look closer, because of the sin of this world, it can be a challenge beyond all challenges, and much harder than choosing our own direction..well at first...

as I am sure most of us have experienced our own directions costs more long term, even though it seemed SO much easier to get there...it didn't take work, we just went where we decided, no one telling us what to do, and life was in a sense "easy"...

OH but waking up from those choices can be absolutely damaging, and the scars are forever...the hurt can heal, the pain goes away, but we are left with scars...

I speak from experience...I have scars that go so very deep, and they are hidden so well no one would ever know...except God, because He was there when I received them, and He was there to heal them....but the scars are left...OH and my husband...he wasn't there for alot of these scars, or some of them, he was there for others...but God has given me a man whom I can put my full trust in to share details about these scars and he never judges me...that is a gift...

and people who have come in my life along the way I have shared some of these with..never the intimate details, because that hurt well only God and my husband can see that hurt...

so I share this to say next that Changing Directions Gods way is MUCH easy long term, but the work is very hard, and the road is filled with challenges..and as a human, and a sinful human as we all are, I have to say that trusting God through those hard parts, and following Him when He asks us to do something that we are so unsure of..well that is hard sometimes...

I find myself on my knees in tears, and the next moment praising Him for those tears, because that means I am feeling Him, and I am feeling His desires...

recently, He has made it clear it is time to go in a new direction...but not so clear on what that means or what it may look like..it has been months in the making so to speak..and even as i type I stop to ask Him to reveal something specific to me..

but for now I know He is asking I trust Him, and i have to say it has been wonderful..He has ask me to step away from many distractions in my life..which has been very hard, but the rewards of speaking to Him more consistantly far outweigh these other things..

and my focus has been on Him..and working through some of the changes He is asking...

so there it is..simple plain...maybe not worded so gracefully, but guaranteed genuine and real...

my heart is changing for the better, because it is breaking in new ways, and loving in real ways...my mind is slightly overwhlemed, yet I am talking to Him almost non-stop..and my house is disorganized, but I am playing more with my kids...and I am taking naps to rest..it remind me always of the passage "He makes me lie down in green pastures... He restores my soul" Psalm 23:2-3 and because I am not a napper normally...everytime i take one this is what He whispers to me...

God is loving me by making me rest...He is loving me by presenting new challenges so that my faith can be tested...God is loving me when He changes directions, because whichever way He is taking me, it is closer to Him...and He is loving me when He makes me stop looking at me, and when I do that I am looking at Him..

God is so very Good...

~Love you all~

BIG Miracles STILL happen

Yesterday was my first day back for Spring semester (college)..and I have 2 classes on this day and 1 on Fridays..but yesterdays classes were Geology and Biology...

Honestly, these "science" fields are not something I am overly interested in, BUT with the recent events in Haiti, I found a different perspective to my Geology as we just touched on this...

and then Biology is about "Living Planet" so LIFE...and both will actually go together very nicely, and I was excited..

I had to rush after to get my Bio book because they only made a limited number (hand made ones from ACC) and Fabian was so kind to get JJ...

I spoke briefly on the phone to him and he told me JJ had a good day , WHEW relief..then he shares it was kinda weird because he laid down for 2hrs but never slept, but never got up and Oh a kid went home sick..

I was in "book" hunting mode so I said "huh weird, well guess we will watch him"

The night continued and was super busy and JJ seemed just fine, I even took them for a playdate at McD's and he was okay...

It wasn't until I was sitting STILL, in his room, dark and soft music playing while I rubbed his head (this is a new bed routine to rub his head, but he falls asleep so quickly and sweet and it is truly a blessing) and I looked at him..

out of no where I think he might be breathing funny..I put my head down onto his chest and listen to his heartbeat...

Is it to slow? Is it always skip the beat there?

He has a permanent murmur, ofcourse, and his heartbeat has a rhythm of its own..which is truly fitting for JJ..but what came next I never expected...

I began to cry..

not tears, SOBS..I found myself sobbing over my son last night.

This isn't the first time, but I didn't see this one coming..

but I felt God, right there, HOLDING me as I sobbed over my son..

and that is when I CRIED out to Him..

"God please HEAL my son"

I cried this over and over..I held my hand on his chest and cried that God would heal my son in Jesus name...that I BELIEVE with every ounce of my body and soul that if it is God's will He CAN AND WILL heal JJ fully..

then I put my hand on JJ's head (both of these were fully led by the Holy Spirit)

and asked God to heal him..that He would take away the uncontrollable behaviors...that He would help JJ to speak out his feelings and understand himself better...

I have never prayed like this for my child...not because I doubted God can do this..but to backtrack a little bit..

when I was pregnant I prayed for healing, and God DID it! JJ was suppose to have all these additional problems ON TOP of half his heart and they were GONE..GONE to the point that baffled doctors..not me, I KNEW what God had done..

and because I think JJ's Autism is what makes him JJ, and I don't think it is a "disease" I haven't ever wanted to ask for healing..

see I thought God had DONE His healing with JJ's heart, and never realized I had taken that away from Him..that somehow i thought not realizing it, that God wouldn't KEEP healing JJ..

and with JJ's Autism I thought since this is how God designed JJ that I shouldn't ask for Him to change that...

BUT last night God spoke, and held me..

HE IS STILL IN THE BUSINESS OF BIG MIRACLES!!!!!!!

I see the miracles in each day, and I credit God for EVERYTHING in my life!

But without even knowing I had stopped asking for Him to heal my son, and never wanted to seem "ungrateful" for asking for more..

WHAT??!?!?! I know...but I don't think this is so uncommon...

Last night, without any hesitation I PRAYED over my son, I wept tears only a broken mother could weep..I wept tears like Mary wept over Jesus..

and I KNEW God understood..I knew He cried with me..and YET because He saw my heart open to His miracles..I KNEW He and the heavens rejoiced!!

I will pray daily that God will FULLY HEAL my son..whatever that looks like, and whatever God's will is..I am not putting expectations, I am not looking for anything specific..

I am acting is COMPLETE PURE FAITH..that I serve a MIGHTY, POWERFUL, LOVING, God who CAN and if it is HIS WILL for JJ, heal him completely..all I am suppose to do is PRAY for that miracle..and whether I see it in THIS lifetime or not, I KNOW and TRUST that God's plan for our family is PERFECT..and he WILL be healed!

I serve a God who LOVES more than I can imagine..who LOVES my children MORE than me, which seems hard to grasp..who KNEW that JJ needed ME to be his mom..who KNEW 6+ years ago that I would weep for my son last night, and HE WAS READY TO HOLD ME and LOVE me through that..

I serve a God who has BLESSED me with my VERY Best Friend in my husband, who matched us up, despite US..and who kept us going when we had NOTHING LEFT for one another..that is a BIG Miracle, HUGE Miracle in itself...

I serve a God who gave me a PRECIOUS baby girl in Kelli..He KNEW I needed her as much as she would need me, and SHE is a LIGHT in my life..having her young saved ME, and God KNEW that is what it would take..although I may not talk about her in prayer needs, pray for her JUST as much, because she walks through this with us..I have been blessed to have a bond with her that this world can NOT break..

I serve a God who has surrounded me with beautiful Christian woman and friends, ones who come along and help carry my load when it is heavier than I can hold..prayer warriors, servants, giving their heart to me and loving me through EVERY moment I walk in..they come along on the joy filled days and the tear filled ones..

I SERVE A GOD WHO IS STILL IN THE BUSINESS OF PERFORMING MIRACLES..He is waiting for us to ask, and asking us to TRUST HIS TIMING FULLY!!!

What an awesome God I serve! And for the sorrow in my heart last night I STAND IN PRAISE to God, who held me, loved me..but He didn't stop there, He OPENED my heart to a NEW LEVEL of intimacy with HIM..I am in AWE!!!

I will pray to

JEHOVAH-ROPHE:"The Lord Who Heals"

"Look to the Lord and His strength, seek His face always. Remember the wonders He has done, His MIRACLES, and the judgments He pronounced..." 1 Chronicles 16:11-12

"But they, our forefathers, became arrogant and stiff-necked, and did not obey your commands.They refused to listen and failed to remember the MIRACLES you performed among them... But you are a forgiving God, gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love. Therefore You did not desert them..." Nehemiah 9:16-18

"But if it were I, I would appeal to God; I would lay my cause before Him. He performs wonders that cannot be fathomed, MIRACLES that cannot be counted" Job 5:8-9

"Your ways, O God, are holy. What god is so great as our God? You are the God who performs MIRACLES; you display your power among the peoples" Psalm 77:13-14

"The Jews gathered around him, saying, "How long will you keep us in suspense? If you are the Christ,tell us plainly." Jesus answered, "I did tell you, but you do not believe. The MIRACLES I do in my Father's name speak for me, but you do not believe because you are not my sheep" John 10:24-26

"God did extraordinary MIRACLES through Paul..." Acts 19:11

"I will not venture to speak of anything except what Christ has accomplished through me in leading the Gentiles to obey God by what I have said and done—by the power of signs and MIRACLES, through the power of the Spirit. So from Jerusalem all the way around to Illyricum, I have fully proclaimed the gospel of Christ. It has always been my ambition to preach the gospel where Christ was not known, so that I would not be building on someone else's foundation" Romans 15:18-20

MIRACLE AFTER MIRACLE AFTER MIRACLE..and these are ONLY a few..and they ARE STILL performed today!!! I am in AWE!

Raisins!

YES Raisins!!! I am sitting here on Sunday night, and thinking about tomorrow..MONDAY, and the kids needs for the day.. well I am reminded of Friday and Raisins... Thursday was a ROUGH day for JJ..I mean BAD, not sad, not even rough, just BAD! I am not too sure what triggered the day, or what set him off, I wish I knew.. BUT to just say simply, when we got there to get him the classroom was covered in crayons..puzzles..chairs..trash.. and his vocabulary consisted of ONLY movie talk, which was a HUGE improvement to the very VERY ugly words he thought he should say to his teacher.. among running out of the class, away from the principal, and not only hitting his teacher..he decided he should threaten her as well..and that he did "I'm gonna kill you" he shouted WHAT?????? Where would he even learned this??? I thought and prayed ALOT..it was TOUGH and I realized our beloved Charlie Brown movies say that, SO they will be put away for a while... even after he got in the car he would be fine for a minute and then thrash his entire body ALL around..and SCREAM! It was very tough to watch and I wanted to help so much, but between being discouraged by his day and dumbfounded by his actions.. well I didn't know what to do!! We survived the night, and I PRAYED for a better Friday... Well God answered those prayers.. JJ mostly stayed in "his world" Friday and very little work was accomplished..but it was MUCH better day! The highlight of his day...for me atleast was the story of the Raisins!!! One of the teachers at lunch who is pregnant said she felt little "twinges" or "thumps" on her back..but being pregnant she just chalked them up to nerve twinges After about 10min or so, and feeling them..she feels "thump, thump, thump, thump" all at one time.. she turns around to find JJ, my lil man..throwing RAISINS at her back!!! Not only that he just had this blank smile as he chunked another one... OH I had to laugh...and because he wasn't being mean, just being JJ, they decided not to make a huge deal.. after I chuckled for a moment, I asked "Wait, Raisins???? But where did he..." (didn't finish thought, but I knew I hadn't sent Raisins, because he doesn't eat them! and his teacher said "Oh, they weren't his Raisins..they belonged to another child" SO yes that is what i am thinking about on Sunday night as I get ready for Monday.. I picture JJ throwing someone else's Raisins at a teachers back... and you know what??? I PRAISE GOD FOR HIM! I am so thankful for those moments, even when they are stranger than strange because that is how God made my son, who brings SO much laughter into my life..and humbled me in all my parenting skills..but thankfully I serve a loving God who is giving me new and improved skills!!! Hope you all have the laughter in your life God desires and can find the joy even when it is Raisins thumping your back!

Hurt and Gods work!

Hurt is a really funny thing (well not really) , or interesting thing..especially in the way people handle it, or react because of it... God has REALLY grown me in this area and I am just very humbled as He reveals more to me about how He would like me to handle being hurt, and how to handle if I hurt someone... the hardest thing sometimes is to say sorry when we hurt another person ,and I can't say I fully understand why that is..yet at one point or another in my life I have been that person..but it is very humbling as God has changed that in me.. As all of us I have people in my life who have hurt me, and God has graciously shown me how to love those people, but some of them from a distance, when needed.. this has been freeing! 2009 I walked through ALOT of this..in my marriage, my kids, some "friends" (which I put into quotes, because TRUE friends can hurt you, but these were people I called friends, but the ways they hurt me were revealing that they are not TRUE friends), and hurt by being alone, hurting God..all this saying that 2009 was a HUGE growth year for me..(as in each year, just different areas) The first of healing from hurt was in my marriage! PRAISE GOD! 2008 was a tough year that we went through and in Nov 2008, I stopped listening to those around me who gave me advise of this world and I only listened to GOD..who spoke VERY clearly and without hesitation I heard "THIS IS YOUR MARRIAGE, YOU GAVE YOUR LIFE TO ME, YOU GAVE YOUR MARRIAGE TO ME, AND YOU DON'T GET TO HAVE IT BACK, YOU LOVE YOUR HUSBAND FOR WHO HE IS, AND HE WILL SEE ME IN YOU..YOU HONOR YOUR HUSBAND FOR BEING THE LEADER OF YOUR HOME AND HE WILL SEE ME...YOU SUBMIT TO YOUR HUSBAND AS A WIFE AND HE WILL SEE ME...YOU ACCEPT YOUR HUSBAND FOR WHO HE IS AND HE WILL SEE ME...YOU LISTEN TO HIM WITHOUT DISAGREEING AND HE WILL SEE ME...YOU GIVE HIM YOUR WHOLE HEART AND STOP HOLDING BACK AND HE WILL SEE ME...YOU LET GO AND TRULY FORGIVE THE PAST AND HE WILL SEE ME...YOU LOVE HIM WHETHER HE DESERVES OR EARNS IT AND HE WILL SEE ME...AND I PROMISE THAT IT WILL BE HARD BUT I AM HERE AND YOU DO THESE THINGS TO HONOR ME AND HE WILL SEE ME..HE WILL COME TO KNOW ME..AND I LOVE YOU FOR COMING TO ME AND TURNING FROM THIS WORLD" so I did...I did everything God ask me to do, and it was HARD..and it HURT..but this time the hurt was different, it was about God and not me..and God held me through the beginning of what would end up being breath taking.. I did a "love dare" of sorts..this is what God brought into my life in Nov 2008, and I didn't want to, but I did..by Christmas I was head over heals in love again..and yet there was healing to do..I am constantly reminded of God's words to me..and that is what held me... little did I know then how this would all turn out! So begins 2010.. and I am married to my BEST FRIEND..I mean it..just yesterday I said something not thinking and my husband let me know it hurt him..I didn't realize what I said..and I had tears coming down my face, not crying, just TEARS..this is HUGE..my heart broke at the realization of hurting him, and instead of being defensive or saying a quick sorry and trying to move on..I couldn't! I had tears that wouldn't stop coming as I SO very humbly apologized..it was WONDERFUL..that was GOD in me, coming out, changing me..and guess what my husband saw that in me, in my eyes, and his forgiveness felt like the best gift I have ever received (outside the forgiveness of God, of course!)..because in my hurt and his, we weren't alone , God was there and it didn't turn into a fight, or anyone walking away mad, because true sorrow was offered and true forgiveness was given!! ALL IN LESS THAN FIVE MINUTES! And we moved on from those moments and the were gone..and we didn't let it ruin our day, we had the Best day together! oh and Gods word to me..well my husband saw, everything God said he would, he did...and my husband sees GOD..he sees God through me, in me..and now in himself..I see God in my husband and let me bluntly say there is NO greater turn on than that..I find my husband so attractive and my heart overflows with love as I see God working in him..it is an amazing thing! Healing from Hurt in "Friends"...friendships can be tough, because no matter how much we try, we are not always 100% open with friendships, or I haven't always been..but I had always held back because of the fear of being hurt by a friend, that is pain that goes so very very deep..and I let that fear/guard up..I opened my heart fully to "friends"..and guess what??? HURT..and not normal I wasn't a great friend hurt..I mean very deceptive, slander, gossip, and painful hurt..I was absolutely devastated...and in those moments, over a year ago..I didn't react how I would now...I reacted in hurt with hurt..I was angry, and I didn't like confrontation, so I just stayed hurt and carried that ... and when the waves settled I just went on like it was okay, when it wasn't...but through this God revealed to me what TRUE Godly friendship was suppose to look like..He allowed me to be alone alot, which helped and hurt..and He helped me to forgive those who had hurt me, and yet taught me that I didn't have to go back and "fix" everything as I so often did..and His blessing to me as I went through this and prayed for a Godly woman to have a friendship with, well He blessed me abundantly! I have a "besty" whose heart for God is amazing, she is strong and filled with love! And we became besties through her fight for her life..God spoke to me, on how to help and I never knew that His plan was to have her in my life as such a close amazing friend..it's been a total God thing! But God didn't stop there, He has continued to bring Godly women in my life, whose support and strength inspire me to grow closer to Christ! And I PRAISE God for the hurt of those "friends", because He has grown me into a stronger, BETTER, very open, loving, yet very truthful friend..I have a wonderful group of women who hold me, keep me accountable, speak GOD'S truth and love to me..and who except my imperfections, and yet don't allow those to be hindrances or excuses for me to use! And I do all this for them!! I LOVE THIS!!! THAT IS TRUE FRIENDSHIP...I pray that God will keep bringing those women/friends in my life..because it has blessed me abundantly! And the exciting part in all this, well it is God it not done yet..He is teaching me daily how to walk through hurts, and pain..He is so gracious and loving when I feel so weak, and I wait for His answer before I react..sometimes that comes in split seconds, sometimes hours, sometimes days..but the end result is that I am less of this world and that is humbling to me.. "A truthful witness gives honest testimony,but a false witness tells lies. Reckless words pierce like a sword,but the tongue of the wise brings healing. Truthful lips endure forever,but a lying tongue lasts only a moment. There is deceit in the hearts of those who plot evil,but joy for those who promote peace. No harm befalls the righteous,but the wicked have their fill of trouble. The Lord detests lying lips,but he delights in men who are truthful. A prudent man keeps his knowledge to himself,but the heart of fools blurts out folly." Proverbs 12:17-23