It is always amazing to me the plans God has for me...
a year before I got pregnant as a teen if someone had said I would be a teen mom, I would've laughed SO hard at them and said not me, I can't do that..not saying God wanted that for me, but He allowed it to happen, and yes a consequence of my actions, but He truly blessed me with Kel...
a year before I had JJ, and learned about HLHS, and what half a heart really meant, if someone had said I would have a son who would go through 3 open heart surgeries by two years of age, and then a lifetime of medicine and more surgeries as needed, and a pacemaker, and many restrictions, I would have said NO WAY, I can't handle that...
and then at 3 when he was diagnosed with Autism, had someone told me I would not only have a son with a physical disability, or as I prefer to say "special heart", but now he has special needs and his mental ability would be different I would have said, ABSOLUTELY NOT, I can NOT handle that too....
if someone had told me my marriage would go through times that hurt me in a way I can not describe, and I would make choices that are crazy and not of me...and vice versa...yet my marriage would not only survive but my husband would become my best friend, I would tell them they were NUTS, I would never stay through that, I couldn't handle it.....
and you know many more situations like this in my life, I would have said if given a warning before, "no way, I can't handle that"...and at that time I would have been right, because I didn't need to handle that, it wasn't my time....and yet when each of these situations came, and they all did....I didn't have to handle anything, God took over....HE came in with His tools, of love, guidance, security, strength beyond understanding, wisdom, courage....and He carried me with these tools through everyone of these....so I didn't have to walk through them alone, because He knew exactly what I needed and when...and His plans have ALWAYS brought pure joy to my life, even when the rough spots seemed they would last forever...He brought me though...
but He isn't done bringing me through the unexpected, and He isn't through with me yet....
3 minutes....but it felt like at least twenty....
the only 3 minutes of the beach I would never want to relive,
but PRAISING God for His hands....
we were walking out into the ocean and we weren't going far so we didn't put JJ's life jacket on him...there was a sandbar, but we must have walked on the side of it, because we were going into deeper water and I was carrying JJ...Fabi, Kel, my mom stopped before this, and Alicia felt it deeper so she turned around with Ryan...John had made it on the sandbar with Tyler....and I had JJ...about the time i attempted to turn around and go back with him a current swept me into water I could no longer touch, and only within a foot or so of where I had been...but a wave came and another, and JJ panicked...he began pushing me under in fear, and one after another waves came over us...I remember seeing Alicia and screaming help...she had Ryan...and she ran back as fast as she could to hand him off to help...in the mean time Fabian came darting out, but didn't realize I couldn't touch, he just thought JJ was freaked and I couldn't get him...so Fabian grabbed JJ before realizing he couldn't touch...and JJ still fliiping, and kicking, kicked Fabian under....and now as I tried to regain some strength and get a breathe, I could see JJ and Fabian going under....and the waves just kept coming...I looked at one point and only saw Fabian and yelled JJ as loud as I could, and then Fabi pulled JJ out by an arm...and he went under again...by now I was in constant prayer with God, and had been, and just thought this can not be it...and I knew I had to try to get JJ back, because Fabi couldn't get him as he was still pushing and freaking....I grabbed JJ back...still barely able to control him, I began to go forward and thought, I will just pull him, whatever I can...I looked up and saw Alicia who said, "Give him to me"....you need to know my sister is the littlest of us all, but in that moment I heard God say, go, I got him, give him to her....I knew God had JJ....and Alicia took him and was able to restrain his arms go to her back and he calmed quickly...and she was able to float on her back with him...and get to touching sand.........that day I almost lost JJ...myself....and Fabian...that day had someone told me their story I would have said NO WAY I CAN'T HANDLE THAT...and I would have been right...God was our lifeguard that day, everyday...He has bigger plans for all of us, He wasn't and isn't done with us...not JJ, not me, not Fabian....what a powerful and loving God....wow....and yes that MAY have been 3 minutes, probably even less...but it felt like forever....and God brought us through....I NEVER want to relive that, and it was a wonderful reminder of the oceans abilities, and we got right back in after, but stayed where JJ couldn't touch, but we will NEVER forget the day God saved us...I will NEVER forget the day God saved JJ, again...and even Kel who God stopped before she was even above her waist...God's plans are set, we are here for a time and can't go one day sooner...even in the unexplainable things that happen, He has a plan....and that day His plan was to save each of us...and for us to continue on our journey He has in store for us...
PRAISE GOD, PRAISE HIM
I am forever thankful, for all the things in my life that I would say if ask before they happened, "No way I can't handle that"...to when they come I say "Only through God do I have the strength and tools, it is He who gets ALL the glory, and praises, what an AWEsome and All Mighty Powerful God" Amen.
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