Debating with God...

First from the title I need to clarify I am not trying to "brag" about debating w/ God or suggest you debate with God...because I know, He is the ALL-Knowing, ALL Powerful God, and well His reasons are ALWAYS better than mine and better for me even when I can't see...

but yet in my flaw-filled self I do find myself often debating with Him..
even small things, like this blog...
my debate went

"Okay God I should blog tonight, I have nothing to say, well I have a lot to say, can I just type a random meaningless blog...ok your aren't saying anything, I will take that as a no..or a yes? okay, I know that is not why I blog, I can be meaningless and random in other areas, like fb or in a fun conversation w/ family or friends...or emails" ..but my blog, well God has made it clear what He would like it to be about..the deep part of me that has to do w/ Him, my relationship with Him, my growth, overall...my heart..

God's silence said it all..

and then he prompted me to blog about my moment with Him, because there are many moments when I KNOW what He is asking of me, and yet I debate, I question...do I think it is wrong? NO, i think it is good, because in those moments I have learned what part is me and what is Him, I have learned His love and acceptance of me is unbreakable, and that He desires I open my FULL heart to Him, even my questions..
I debate on my serious things with Him too, like relationships and decisions financially..I can always tell when I hear Him and I say to myself "Oh that's just me doubting, not God, He agrees with me"

FIRST, I should mention when I speak to myself, I know God hears me...and

SECOND, I know when I say "God agrees with me"...Well that is RED flag on fire...I know the Creator of ALL, doesn't agree with MY decisions, I go to Him and He guides me to HIS desires..and then He agrees or disagrees with how I handle it...but I am not in control of His thoughts, or His plans, it is completely switched...THIS is how I know when I am not listening...

sorry if that is unclear, but more or less I just mean, I realize I am not running the show, and when I try it is never Gods plan, or His desires, because His desires is me letting go and trusting HIM to run the show, He knows what He is doing far better than I do..
At church yesterday, in a series of Q &A, where the congregation submitted questions and our pastor is answering them according to the Bible, Gods words, promises and truths, to sum it up he was speaking on Free will and God ALL knowing, I am sure you've heard the question before or spoke it maybe, the " God is ALL knowing, and knows what I am going to do, and yet He gives me free will to choose?"
That is not the exact wording from the sermon, but the general idea...and not to drift off subject, but the truths are amazing in this...one quote our pastor said made me giggle, because it is so true
"You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink"
Sooo true, and same with a non-believer, you can speak on the truths and love of God, you can teach them all about His promises and plans, but that person has to decide on the OWN whether to fall to their knees and give their life to Christ!
I love what our pastor added next..this is where free will, meets Gods plans...
"So you have the horse or person at the water, you have led them there, and because of free will from God they have to choose Him or walk away, and God won't force Himself...but God sure can and will make them really really thirsty!"
I LOVE that!

God loves us SO much that He won't invade our freedom to choose, He won't come in uninvited, because He respects us even when we don't respect Him, or ourselves!
And yet His love is SO big He won't stop there, He doesn't go, OH well they won't drink, and walk away...NO He does anything He can to "make them thirsty" , to show them, to invite them to Him...
AMAZING!
And that same love is given as I debate with Him, or try to put ear plugs in so I can make my own choice...because you see...I invited Him in, almost 9years ago, truly for the first time...

I had been standing at the water for most of my life, I knew about Him, He never gave up on me..He made me SO thirsty, and I would say several times a splash came off the fountain, I tasted the water..it was great, I loved it..and it was enough to make me say " Cool, I'm good, God knows me"
and turn to walk away from the fountain...
I would return to the fountain, after a while no one led me there (no person) , I just knew Gods call, I knew what He was asking of me..and I would become so very thirsty....
THAT night, the night I drank from the fountain, the abundance of water poured over me..well words can't describe that night...
and because of that night, the night I gave my life to God, I opened my life, my heart, and gave it ALL to Him, because of that, He is welcome to ALWAYS be there..sooo now when I don't listen, He is RIGHT there, He is whispering so loudly the world is drowned out and it is the most beautiful love...
and I love that I can talk openly, honestly with Him..all though it took time, until I realized, well He already KNOWS that thought or KNOWS what I did, so I need to talk it through with Him..
and as I am ready to just feel horrible as I speak to Him, I am ready to be filled with guilt and ugliness (ALL lies from satan, by the way)
Well I am met with LOVE, COMFORT, TRUTH (this is big, because truth is NOT easy always, but God will walk us through the truths we can't face alone), ACCEPTANCE, ENCOURAGMENT, oh and ANSWERS!! And so much more...God meets me, answers me, loves me, and understands me in a way no one else can..
So there is the blog, as I finish it I feel there is more to say, but I know this is where God took me tonight...I pray the words are clear, and truths are seen, and just openness and honesty..I pray those who read this see the love of God..the flaws in us as humans..and the lies of satan and the world...
I also pray you see my heart is open..

I am still walking in this journey, I am learning daily (something that will never stop),
I still sin daily ( not proud of this, but in my brokenness I KNOW I sin daily), I still have questions for God that He answers so loving, I have good days and bad, but on my bad I know I need to stay on my knees, and when I can't I know others will, I get angry more than I wish, but less than I use to by the day!
I am just walking in this life, praying for God to guide me daily, and when I fall or walk the wrong way I love that He reaches out and redirects me..
I love in my debates to Him or with Him that He ALWAYS wins..because He loves me, He knows me, He made me, and He is molding me...
"Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me." Psalm 51:10
Amen!
Love you ALL!

Happy Easter!

It is late on Easter evening..and after a beautiful celebration, I am tired...
I have to say this Easter was really low key for us, and this year I am thankful for that!
After not much sleep, we woke up late, and the egg hunt was on!
I have to admit I think Kel was not overly enthusiatic about joining, in on it, later I told her she is MORE than welcome to just watch next year =) turning 13 and all!
Anyways, JJ LOVED the egg hunt and I loved seeing the joy in his face...
we all began getting ready for church, and I was thrilled, I KNEW the message would be powerful and intimate, and I knew God would meet me there and speak to me..
so it didn't surprise me when Kel came to me and said her face was itchy and breaking out, she was having an allergic reaction to something..it didn't surprise me because I knew God needed me at church today, He was meeting me there, and helping me along...so satan stepped in..and he didn't stop there..
we got Kel some benedryl, the blotched were lightening w/in 30 minutes...
I had to get ready and when I put my contacts in, a burning came over my left eye...I desperately got the contact out and soaked it, while attempting to flush my eye and lessen the pain...
and for some reason when it was better I tried putting my contacts in again, not sure why!
IT BURNED AGAIN!
I did rinse and scrub it first, but nothing helped..but thankfully I upgraded my glasses this year for the first time in 5yrs or more, so I could SEE when I wore them!
satan wasn't stealing our morning!
We were running late after all of this, we made a plan that Fabi would drop me and the kids at the door...NO STRESS, satan had lost the battle, we were getting to church late or not
And what happens when we drive in...a front spot open!!
We parked and walked in 2 min late!
It was ALL God....satan lost his battle and we kept our eyes on what mattered!
God met me at church, and I look forward to sharing this week what He did, in 1 hour at church!
But that will wait when i am not so sleepy and I can give my full attention!
We had a wonderful lunch with my mom, and made plans to start new Easter traditions w/ our family, and enjoyed..the benedryl finally hit Kel and she was miserable, so we got home and she passed out!
I was not feeling great, JJ has the start of a cold, which I think I am picking up...he passed out at 7pm...I am awake, after a short nap, and feeling a little yuck I must admit!
BUT it doesn't matter with all of that because today we are blessed, and alive and free, because Jesus paid the cost for our sins..
and despite the delays of the day, the yuck feelings...satan LOST, we were at church, we celebrated our hearts out with our Saviour, we celebrated more at home, we talked and rejoiced in our loving God!!!
Today was a blessing...and no matter if we are all in bed tomorrow..we are still blessed, to be loved by the King of ALL Kings!
Happy Ressurection Sunday!
Happy Easter!
I love you ALL!