My time lately has been taken up with my newest semester of school...I can't say I am truly "enjoying" it, as I have Physics, now part 1 as I took them in reverse, and I am not a science person...
And I am continuing in Spanish, now part 2, which I enjoy because of my personal connection with my husband and his family and yet I am disappointed, because the rate at which we are going, I am able to make great grades, and understand a lot of it, but not speak it as well as I hoped...I would LOVE the Rosetta Stone program, but WHEW it is costly...so it may take some years AFTER this semester to learn Spanish, but I am determined it will happen...I have multi-reasons..personal achievement, family, but my heart says mission trips in my future...
along with that I am taking a KINE or PE class...stretch/flex, which is wonderful, but the professor, well not so much...I think I can handle her in her unkindness, but it isn't my favorite for sure....
that is all for in class...BUT I am enrolled in 2 correspondence studies, and have officially started one...and well, I am not a correspondence person, I am doing this to have enough University credits vrs Junior College so that I qualify hours wise for graduation with honors...and so it will be worth it...sadly one of the is Biology, another science, and I have come to the realization that sciences are not my friend...I am working past this dislike for one another...you see science doesn't like me either..I just know it! ;-) And so it leaves me wanting to just give up and cry..I don't, but that is the thought as I read about autotrophs, and diploids and other words I can't pronounce, and unsure of what they mean. So, as I read I look up words and then think BLAH, because this is going to take MUCH more time than I hoped! Sounded so simple...and yet no...and then I want to jump to my other course, FINE ARTS...something I am more than happy to take..something I am familiar with and believe I will zoom through....BUT something in me says NO...get through BIO Lessons 1-4, (2wks worth of work) and then the Fine Arts (1-4)...you can only submit 2 assignments a week, so it is in my favor to jump back and forth....anyways I sigh....
I know i can do this, but maybe so late at night is NOT the time to continue, just pick it up tomorrow....yep that's what I will do....maybe ...
outside of school life has been busy, I can't believe we are so close to March already...this year is flying by and it's so strange .... and yet I feel God pulling me and guiding me each day...I use the word pulling because I feel I am often so caught up in the busy that my priorities of life are not in the right order...something God recently brought to my attention and we are working in this ...
something else I have to share is the healing of a friendship that has taken place..GODLY healing...this friend knows everything I am about to say here, I have said to her, but I won't reveal her here out of her privacy =)...so about a year ago a friendship ended..due to hurt, lies, deception..you name it, we had it...and I knew walking away wasn't the best choice, but I had no idea how to confront any of it and so I walked away...and it haunted me...I went through so many stages of angry, resentment, hurt, hatred, trying to forgive, but couldn't let it be...after about 6 months I forgave, and yet there was such an uneasy feeling in this and I couldn't shake it...a mentor/friend at one point said that I would have to talk it through with her, to which I said NO, my life was better w/o all of it...was I wrong, because I held onto it, in the back of my mind there continued an uneasy feeling...even after seeing each other during summer I walked away with peace and healing, and yet knew it wasn't "finished" but this time knew God would have to work...over the last year, even months, I would tell people we would NEVER be friends again, NEVER...that ONLY an act of God would heal and create a friendship...well what follows would and is only an act of God...only HE can create healing in the most unpredictable ways...and He did...He healed all of the nasty feeling, and restored our friendship...almost unbelievable if I wasn't there to witness it myself...we talked, talked, talked...apologized, prayed, forgave...and it was unlike anything I can put in words...it feels as if no time has past and yet a year did...but our friendship picked up right where it was ...EXCEPT, and this is key...we have God right in the center...we aren't perfect people, we will mess up again, but there is no lies in between, if we have something to share we will..if we have something we are upset with or about we share...satan does NOT get a place in this friendship...and it is God's will for this friendship to be, He has full control...not us..
which really had me think about the last year, as I have reflected before on...but in all relationships this is God's desire, that we don't allow the lies of this world to come between them, because that is what they are LIES..and this world is not why we are here...not at all...and THIS is ALL for God's glory!!
Going outside of school and this healed friendship, which connected because we have classes together, is family...how is my family???
PERFECTLY IMPERFECT!! :-) Gotcha there huh? LOL...we are a mess together, and I love it!
JJ struggled and still has days, in school, but nothing like last year, so he is growing and progress has been made...I could say it was him getting older, different routine, different teachers, his understanding...I COULD say all of this, BUT it'd be wrong..throw in ANY factor you want..there is ONLY one reason JJ is coming along better... GOD...through the power of prayer...I have had people praying over him, for this specific reason, for this specific semester...and GOD is listening and answering every prayer...the days aren't perfect, some days are just plain bad...but JJ is overall doing wonderful <3 it is a miracle from God <3 and I am just in AWE...health wise too..we did have to up meds, we do have the reality of him growing and getting older, but GOD has a plan, and HIS will be DONE!
And boy does he make us laugh..JJ has the funniest personality next to his dad, only JJ gets cute little boy points .. sorry Babe, but you get cute manly points ;-p
He has a joyful spirit, and soooo kind..yes he is a toot and can be mouthy...but when you listen, I mean REALLY listen to his words, voice, tones..he has the sweetest spirit in him, that is FILLEd with love and fight...the two elements..no gifts, that God gave him to survive and live <3 One of my blessings <3
Then I have my Bug...what can I say about this amazing wonderful daughter of mine? She is just that...she is almost 14 (WOW)...she will be in high school next year (DOUBLE WOW)...and yet she has the most amazing outlook on life, and love that overflows from her very being..the gift of love, understanding, compassion and yet KNOWs what God desires of her, KNOWS what she wants in life, in friendships and relationships...she sees past all of this middle school junk and knows it isn't real, it isn't right...NOW she is UNPERFECT by every since of the word...but to me she is just right...she messes up, she fixes it..she is quiet and yet won't stop talking sometimes...she LOVES her brother and yet he annoys her too..but what I admire among many things is her ability to see where she needs to grow..and to ask me for help..I love having talks with her, we share about life, about God together and I am just in AWE...I love seeing God POUR out of her <3
And last but not least by far is my amazing wonderful Hubby...where do I start with this man??? Just thinking about him makes my heart race...I hear him right now "watching" tv, snoring on the couch and I giggle...Have you ever met or do you have a person in your life that just gets you? the person who NEVER thinks a bad thought of you? the one you can cry to on a bad night because your sick and the hot water is out and you wanted a shower and doesn't think you're insane?? Someone who looks for whatever they can do to just make you smile or laugh?? Who looks at you as if you are the most beautiful person in the world? That when he sees you, he sees YOU...Well that is my husband...after 10yrs he still makes my heart flip, even more now...and as I type about him I almost cry because I can't believe that God gave me all this in my husband...he is my very best friend, he is THE ONE, he is more than I ever imagined being married would be...he listens to me, we talk..we cry, we laugh...and yes we do disagree, but we're learning how to do this while keep respect for the other, difficult, not mastered, but a wonderful work in progress...and we learn each time...I look forward to every single morning because I know he will kiss me goodbye before work..and when I don't think he has I call him to be sad, and he so nicely replies, "I did kiss you sucka, you were muttering and turned over"...and I laugh because I know it happened just that way...I can't wait every night for him to come home, I love just being with him..I love watching him do repairs, because it reminds me how blessed I am to have a handy man hubby, and one who looks so good doing it ;-p BONUS , lol...and he works SO hard for our family...whatever it takes he is doing it, he supports my school 110% PLUS..he encourages me everyday and helps me believe in who I am...I never knew it would be like this..and I don't think I ever "got" the meaning of becoming one in flesh before...but with God and His plans, and His grace..we are <3 call us husband and wife, best friends, soul mates, lovers, parents...whatever name you give us, we are one <3 and that is ALL God's glory...
And at the end of each day...usually when everyone is asleep and the house is so very quiet I love to sit and close my eyes and just listen..listen to the quiet yes..but listen to God as He shows me glimpses of the blessings He gave in that day..the areas that I didn't give to Him and took over...the parts where I just completely messed up and would have to ask forgiveness..and the parts where I let Him do His work <3 ...and I go to sleep talking with Him, and listening...that's why I am here, why we are here...for HIM, for His Glory <3 in every moment...do i get it all right? NO ... do I even come close? NO...I am so far away, and yet growing, and I am learning and seeing...what a gift from God <3
Hope everyone has a wonderful night <3 time for me to go listen <3
Love you all <3
"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do" Ephesians 2:8-10
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