The Act of Disappearing

I never intended for it to be so long between my last post and this one..I have so many stories and life that I plan to share...but then life itself can become time consuming and finding time for sleeping becomes difficult, and I am sure in one way or another you can relate to that....

it is completely true that my life has been a slight bit crazy, or to be honest just nuts! But not nuts in a bad way, in a very good way, just going in a million directions and getting no where if I am honest, and I hate that feeling!

However, I decided over last weekend I would "disappear" from the day to day distractions, and just BE

-BE still

-BE quiet

-BE patient

-BE listening

and JUST BE WITH GOD!

And I can't begin to express what that felt like...and if for one second you think it must have been wonderful and like sitting on clouds and just at peace...WRONG!

In that weekend God revealed SO much to me, about who I am, and who I am in HIM more importantly...and guess what OUCH! Not that I am a bad person, but I am reminded I still have so much growing to do, and I will never be done until I am in heaven and no it was not ALL bad, but let me be honest, it was painful!

I have come along way to get where I am, and I mean a LONG and very tough road, and I am so thankful that God has never given up on me, even when I may not have always wanted to hear Him...He stayed, and people who prayed for YEARS for me to know Christ, I am so thankful they never gave up on me....and with all my growing and learning in my years, and even more in my years as a Christian...I

can't explain why when God is growing me it still hurts.

I know that I am far from perfect, but I keep thinking at some point it will click, I will get it, and I won't fall into the same old patterns or the same thoughts...and God is so quick when I do fall, to come and just BE with me, and remind me that I am only human and HE is here to keep me growing in the right direction, growing with Him! WOW that is an awesome love and awesome Father ...and I will take that hurt in the growing times knowing that I am growing closer to Him, and away from my flesh!

Well it is kind of like a tree...I was just talking to a friend of mine, Ash, about trees...how if left alone they grow in the craziest directions, and grow extra trunks, and become mutated, and some of them eventually will die...and it is our job as the tree owner to prune them, and train them to grow in the right direction....we aren't so different from the mutated tree, if we are left on our own to grow, we become mutated, our roots grow up and not down...and eventually we die to our flesh, but with our Heavenly Father as our personal "tree owner" we can grow beautiful and reach our own full potential.....maybe that's why I love trees so much, because I can see myself in them, different stages, different colors, different ways, and without Christ, my roots would come up and I wouldn't make it.....

so my disappearing act over that weekend was one I will never forget, because EVERY moment of hurt and truth was worth the unconditional love of Christ, and HE has blessed me, and I know being obedient to Him, has indescribable rewards....

Hope each of you are having a week filled with Gods love and guidance!

"If you give up your life for me, you will find true life."

Matthew 16:25