~Runnin' on Joy~

I would say the majority of you know my catch phrase, or have atleast seen it on something I write or send out "~Runnin' on Joy~" In all of the crazy of life, that just found me and STUCK! Maybe over stuck, as I use it in everything...but honestly I can't get it to un-stick and I don't know that I would want to...once in a while as I update my facebook, I don't have it at the end of an update....and it almost feels like it's left out and lost, because in a strange but TRULY real way that has become a part of me! I always feel like I am runnin' on joy...and that JOY in just a part of me...even on the days when I am hurting, or truly sad...as I am praying for it to stop or for God to show me what this pain might be for...He is SO gracious to bring that saying to me, and remind me...and through it all I HAVE to smile...because just the saying brings that joy to me...

In life I have gone in some pretty ROUGH, to say the least, directions and the paths that I have gone down have been very... well if I told you they'd sound almost unreal...and you know they would be unreal and untrue about who I AM NOW...they are stories about who I WAS...but this past Sunday during our sermon one small part talked about how when people give testimonies lets say 30min long, 20 min is about the rough life and their past, 5min about the transformation God made, and 5min about who they are now...and he noted that nothing is wrong with that, and people like to see how God truly has worked in someones life....but should our testimony of how we came to Christ be about Christ for the bulk...WOW when I heard this it was as if a light turned on and I thought YES!!! YES it should be...and why do I want to hear about someones misery, I want to hear about God's glory...and it made complete since that I don't necessarily enjoy telling about my past, and yet sometimes it seems I should...and I never walk away feeling any better....in fact as I relived some of my past one day with a friend I remember them saying , "Wow, I never experienced that, I wish I had those years before marriage, I wish I just had one of those nights like you had"....my response was rather abrupt and short, "NO YOU DON'T...one of those nights, cost me years of my innocence and it wasn't worth it...I would take years of the "boring" stuff, for any one of my nights to not have happened" This past Sunday our pastor shared a similar story...and I found myself with tears...but different tears...tears of YES exactly! and THEN tears of thankfulness that God has made in me a new person, and he gave me back, in a sense, my innocence...no I can't undo, or go back, but he cleansed me..and through Him I am whole again!

So my testimony for anyone who ever wonders goes like this....

There are many stories I could share, of the past, my choices, and the brokenness I felt on a daily, sometimes hourly basis...some of those choices will stay with me forever....however, I won't be sharing those stories, and idolizing things in my past that don't deserve to be idolized...and in fact I won't be sharing many of them again...just to say the path I walked before Christ was ugly, hurtful, damaging, and truly a deadly path spiritually, but also physically. The day I realized I needed more, that I knew God was missing in my life, was one of those days...but this time when God had my face in the dirty ground, and I was literally wiping dirt from my mouth, I HEARD Him...LOUD and CLEAR....I saw in my daughter face, sadness and fear...and I KNEW something had to be different...and maybe a month later, I found myself in church...and realized God knew, not me, He knew I needed Him, and this time He knew I would hear...my path into becoming a Christian wasn't typical..and I am so thankful for the mentors God has sent me throughout those years to keep me walking and help me learn about God! My sister was the first of many who opened my eyes and heart to God...and He just kept them coming! Within 1 month of becoming a Christian, I was pregnant...and my marriage well was not what it is today...I was so unsure, but I knew to trust God...and within 5 months of becoming a Christian I knew my son who I was pregnant with was going to have only 1/2 a heart...OMGoodness, God KNEW I needed Him, and I am thankful for the dirt in my mouth that night, because I wouldn't have survived it otherwise...the next years of our lives were a whirlwind of blur...and the only thing I can say for sure is God was ALL over our family in EVERY way, and still is....and He teaches me one thing I can't go a day without...FAITH...pure, Innocent FAITH...my faith in God is my ROCK...God is MY ROCK and REDEEMER, and truly the Alpha Omega...and through that Faith, God gives me HIS joy, PURE joy, and that my friends is why I am Runnin' on Joy, through Faith in a God who never breaks His promises, who IS love, but IS just...who is LIFE, but also Sovereign...that is my walk..that is my testimony...but this is God's Story....

~Runnin' on HIS joy~