True Happiness

As CHRISTmas comes to a close..although it just ended yesterday so lights are still up and CHRISTmas music is playing around..I just have to sit...breath ... and take it all in...

yesterday as my children got up and opened gifts...we sung "Happy Birthday" to Jesus..we prayed..we laughed...after the presents were opened and music was going, my hubby started putting the electronic things together for Kel and I helped JJ get his toys out..I just had tears of PURE JOY stream down my face...it was that moment it all hit me..

I am in a point in my life where God has done so much work in me, that there is more of Him and less of me...and I am happy..it is a happiness like none other..

PURE JOY

In the moment as my husband is laughing with our daughter..and my son is laughing because he hears them laugh...that my breath is taken away..

I can't remember a time in my life that I didn't need or want for something..until now..I desire and am so excited to grow with God..I desire my family to grow to know Him..and that is all..

I don't want the better home...because this one has blessed our family over and over..

I don't desire a newer or better car because God has provided us both with dependable ones now..

I love my washer and dryer even the rubbed off paint and rust because it cleans our clothes and does the job..

I have clothes to put on myself and family each day...even when I wish for a smaller size for myself..I don't desire that for the reasons I use too..

now it is only to be healthier to serve God...

I wouldn't trade my old orange chair in my bedroom for anything newer, because it fits me...

I don't complain about mowing our yard, because we have so much room for our children to run and play..and a playscape that when I look at it each day, I am reminded on the miracle of my son (given to us by Make a Wish for those who didn't know)

The stains on my carpet remind me I have children who play freely without fear of ruining something..or my old cat who loved to knock things over..but mostly that my home is lived in and filled with life...

The bags under my eyes remind me of the late nights..and early mornings..but I find them a beautiful reminder of how we all age..and how I am blessed to get up each morning..and that I have children who need me and I need them..so I give a lot of myself to them..

the bills I pay each month...remind me I have a very strong hard working husband who amazes me in how he provides for our family..and I am thankful there is money to pay the bills..and that I have bills, because it means I have a home, car, light, water, gas, groceries..

The knees I have to get down on each day to praise my Heavenly Father for all this and more...to sit in His presence..to know Him..to grow to Him..to be carried by Him on the days I can't walk..to cry out in praise or in tears...to love me no matter if I deserve it that moment or not..and to depend on when needs come knowing that He will always provide..ALWAYS

"Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms. If anyone speaks he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To Him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen." 1 Peter 4:10-11

Believing in Miracles...and gifts

Today I received a slide show that had 45 lessons for living life...

I have to say it was one of the most beautiful I have seen, heard, read in a long time....

one of the "lessons" was

"Believe in Miracles"

And I read those words and had to stop right there and thank God for His daily miracles in my life...

so many wait to see what the world would call a "true miracle" and miss out on the daily miracles that surround us each and everyday...

like waking up each and everyday with breath of life in us..that is not something any of us should take for granted or expect...it is a MIRACLE...a gift that God has given us...He loves us so much that He created our bodies in a way that we wake up breathing every morning..and the morning someone does not, they are in HIS arms that day...

I lost my uncle this passed semester...i miss him very much, we emailed back and forth almost every week..he would send pictures of our family history..and he dreamed..he saw all the little things in life that we get to busy to notice...and he took time for every single one of the people in his life..at his funeral and viewing when people would speak about him they all had such a special connection to him...they all had stories to share..and he touched them each in a very different way and excepted them for who they were...he made you feel so very special in life...he had a gift...this was the first time I lost someone who was still so young and was so close...it hurt..and I missed him at our family Christmas...so the gift to breath everyday is a miracle...

I remember that each morning when JJ wakes up and is jumping on me, God reminds me of the endless nights and days I would wake up throughout just to see if he was breathing...and he has ever time...MIRACLE

Another Miracle is the ability to walk, talk, see, hear, understand, learn, drive...not everyone of us has these gifts but each of them is a miracle...we read in the Bible how Jesus made the blind see..and we think that is the only type of Miracle, but it's not...the fact any of us see is a miracle..what a gift He gives us...

and the gift to hear, or of Sign language that gives a voice to the deaf...I am very privileged and blessed to be in Sign Language this coming semester, and I will not take a single second for granted as I will be a voice to someone who doesn't have one...this is a gift to me...a Miracle to them...for my son the miracle to understand...he doesn't take that for granted and I don't anymore..not all of us have understanding in the way we were made..and when someone or many someones give that to us..well when JJ can say "Angels, I love Angels..they are from God" ..well that is a miracle....

when a College Physics professor takes the time to tell you how smart you are, and how how this is a gift from God...well that is a miracle...and a gift..that was one of many God brought me this semester

Forgiveness...this is a true miracle we all have the ability in us to do if we have Christ in us..without Christ we would not be able to forgive...without forgiveness we would have no one and the ability to love would not be there...forgiveness is a gift to give and nothing short of a miracle to receive...

many times I have been forgiven and I thank God for each of those, because through that forgiveness I have closer friendships, family..and a life filled with more love that i ever had before..I have received that miracle from God many times...to give that as a gift is just as amazing as to receive that as a miracle...this semester God worked through me to forgive some people who had hurt me very deeply..and above what I expected...and He allowed me to be humbled and ask for forgiveness from some people i had hurt very deeply...that is a gift

Prayer....what a gift...what a blessing..what a miracle...

we stay on our knees, we believe with all our hearts...we have faith...we trust God's timing...and we receive what we have prayed for according to His will...

that is a Miracle...the number of prayers answered in my life time I will never even realize this side of heaven, and I probably would become so overwhelmed I wouldn't be able to grasp each of them...but this year God has let me see one answered prayer after another...big or small each of them was the same to me...they were answered prayers and I can't gage which means more, because they were gifts from God...and each more amazing and I am humbled by them all...

and many more Miracles...flowers blooming, our car starting each morning (a huge miracle for some), a house to sleep in at night and turn into a home for our families...a place to go on the holidays...a warm bed to sleep in at night...bills to pay even if they are late, because paying them means we have a job...a CHRISTmas tree in our home..children, one of they biggest gifts and miracles ....a husband or wife to lean on when times get tough and hurts go very deep...a best friend, who for me is my husband, for others someone who has walked next to them...a besty to listen and be there when you call....a mom...a dad...a sister or brother...an aunt or uncle...cousins...friendships, true Godly friendships that you never worry if they love you...playing outside because you have a yard to play in...laughing so hard your stomach hurts..or crying so hard you can't hardly breath, it seems this wouldn't be a miracle, but if you can cry, cry to God it means you have not become numb to what's around you and that is a miracle...going to a doctor/dentist...sharing a cup of coffee...spending time with your teenage daughter and knowing you will be best friends one day...receiving flowers for being sick or any occasion...a card in the mail that simply says I love you or I care or I believe in you...a surprise visit from someone ... a gift on your doorstep when you wake up from an anonymous person or with a card from a friend...and so much more...

these are not just "good" things, or nice things...they are ALL gifts, MIRACLES...that we can give or receive...from God for others

Thank You Lord for each of these to help us walk through this life with...thank you for sending your Son, Jesus Christ, to save us...thank you for CHRISTmas and the celebration of our Saviour...for this and so much more...I am humbled and thankful

"For to us a child is born, to us a Son is given, and the givenrment will be on His shoulders. And He will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace"

Isaiah 9:6

In Awe....a Long Journey

Today I sat down with a friend, a woman, who has walked with me through some of the most difficult times of my life...

I met her in April of 2004...she came beside me as a mentor, but God used her friendship with me in ways that this world can't begin to put descriptions too...

On September 16, 2003 my beautiful baby boy, JJ came into this world...

he came in with half of his heart...he came in FIGHTING, but he wasn't alone...he had Jesus right there, breathing life into him, keeping him alive...I believe to this day that JJ could see Jesus, that he and Jesus were connected from birth...I know that Jesus talked to him, because in times when I didn't have words, well JJ had peace...it was nothing short of miraculous...

to this VERY date, over 6years later...I can remember that pain...

my chest actually hurts as I type because that pain goes so very deep, and it is only through Christ I can get up and walk through it as I do...

Back to my friend...she came into my life that April...JJ had finished his second surgery..and she was there to walk with me through some unbelievable times...I never knew what God had in mind...

she was PERSISTENT...I didn't want to talk to anyone..I was constantly exhausted, I hadn't left my house except for the doctors offices and hospitals in over 6months and for someone to come into my space was well...rather annoying at the time..

as a Christian I knew God had sent her...I thought really me talking couldn't be that helpful long term..REALLY...

she so ever sweetly walked beside me, and pushed me..and asked me the tough questions..she lifted me to Christ in her prayers...and she never passed judgement on me...

she saw me through 4 moves, and traveled anywhere I moved to visit with me..at least ONCE A WEEK...she never gave up..she LOVED me through all of my growths and set backs....

she saw our family through some of the toughest years...

today I saw it...I saw every step she took..God revealed to me in WHOLE how specifically He used her in my life...and I fell to my knees...

BUT He didn't stop there...He showed me face after face of the people who He has used along the way to come to Him, love Him, desire Him, and GROW with Him for Him....

this passed semester I had so many things go on...tonight is not that night to tell those stories...but they are coming...many of them..and I am excited to share what God has done...

today I am just in AWE..today I am in Love with my Heavenly Father who reached out to me from the very beginning...set out the people in my journey who would lead me to Him..not just to become a Christian..but to intimately KNOW Him..I am humbled by that love...and I worship Him!

To be continued.....

I can't believe how fast this year is slipping away...BUT rest assured ALL of you, it has not been in waste or negative...

God has been MOVING mountains in my life, and I look forward to sharing that with EVERYONE of you..my supportive friends, family..my heart...

HOWEVER...a little thing called FINALS has crept up....sometime after midterms it just blurs out...BUT I promise when this THURSDAY passes, I will share some beautiful stories with you of happiness, sorrow, joy, laughter, and tears...ALL for God's glory

I love you all and I will write in a week!

Please PRAY for me this week!