BIG Miracles STILL happen

Yesterday was my first day back for Spring semester (college)..and I have 2 classes on this day and 1 on Fridays..but yesterdays classes were Geology and Biology...

Honestly, these "science" fields are not something I am overly interested in, BUT with the recent events in Haiti, I found a different perspective to my Geology as we just touched on this...

and then Biology is about "Living Planet" so LIFE...and both will actually go together very nicely, and I was excited..

I had to rush after to get my Bio book because they only made a limited number (hand made ones from ACC) and Fabian was so kind to get JJ...

I spoke briefly on the phone to him and he told me JJ had a good day , WHEW relief..then he shares it was kinda weird because he laid down for 2hrs but never slept, but never got up and Oh a kid went home sick..

I was in "book" hunting mode so I said "huh weird, well guess we will watch him"

The night continued and was super busy and JJ seemed just fine, I even took them for a playdate at McD's and he was okay...

It wasn't until I was sitting STILL, in his room, dark and soft music playing while I rubbed his head (this is a new bed routine to rub his head, but he falls asleep so quickly and sweet and it is truly a blessing) and I looked at him..

out of no where I think he might be breathing funny..I put my head down onto his chest and listen to his heartbeat...

Is it to slow? Is it always skip the beat there?

He has a permanent murmur, ofcourse, and his heartbeat has a rhythm of its own..which is truly fitting for JJ..but what came next I never expected...

I began to cry..

not tears, SOBS..I found myself sobbing over my son last night.

This isn't the first time, but I didn't see this one coming..

but I felt God, right there, HOLDING me as I sobbed over my son..

and that is when I CRIED out to Him..

"God please HEAL my son"

I cried this over and over..I held my hand on his chest and cried that God would heal my son in Jesus name...that I BELIEVE with every ounce of my body and soul that if it is God's will He CAN AND WILL heal JJ fully..

then I put my hand on JJ's head (both of these were fully led by the Holy Spirit)

and asked God to heal him..that He would take away the uncontrollable behaviors...that He would help JJ to speak out his feelings and understand himself better...

I have never prayed like this for my child...not because I doubted God can do this..but to backtrack a little bit..

when I was pregnant I prayed for healing, and God DID it! JJ was suppose to have all these additional problems ON TOP of half his heart and they were GONE..GONE to the point that baffled doctors..not me, I KNEW what God had done..

and because I think JJ's Autism is what makes him JJ, and I don't think it is a "disease" I haven't ever wanted to ask for healing..

see I thought God had DONE His healing with JJ's heart, and never realized I had taken that away from Him..that somehow i thought not realizing it, that God wouldn't KEEP healing JJ..

and with JJ's Autism I thought since this is how God designed JJ that I shouldn't ask for Him to change that...

BUT last night God spoke, and held me..

HE IS STILL IN THE BUSINESS OF BIG MIRACLES!!!!!!!

I see the miracles in each day, and I credit God for EVERYTHING in my life!

But without even knowing I had stopped asking for Him to heal my son, and never wanted to seem "ungrateful" for asking for more..

WHAT??!?!?! I know...but I don't think this is so uncommon...

Last night, without any hesitation I PRAYED over my son, I wept tears only a broken mother could weep..I wept tears like Mary wept over Jesus..

and I KNEW God understood..I knew He cried with me..and YET because He saw my heart open to His miracles..I KNEW He and the heavens rejoiced!!

I will pray daily that God will FULLY HEAL my son..whatever that looks like, and whatever God's will is..I am not putting expectations, I am not looking for anything specific..

I am acting is COMPLETE PURE FAITH..that I serve a MIGHTY, POWERFUL, LOVING, God who CAN and if it is HIS WILL for JJ, heal him completely..all I am suppose to do is PRAY for that miracle..and whether I see it in THIS lifetime or not, I KNOW and TRUST that God's plan for our family is PERFECT..and he WILL be healed!

I serve a God who LOVES more than I can imagine..who LOVES my children MORE than me, which seems hard to grasp..who KNEW that JJ needed ME to be his mom..who KNEW 6+ years ago that I would weep for my son last night, and HE WAS READY TO HOLD ME and LOVE me through that..

I serve a God who has BLESSED me with my VERY Best Friend in my husband, who matched us up, despite US..and who kept us going when we had NOTHING LEFT for one another..that is a BIG Miracle, HUGE Miracle in itself...

I serve a God who gave me a PRECIOUS baby girl in Kelli..He KNEW I needed her as much as she would need me, and SHE is a LIGHT in my life..having her young saved ME, and God KNEW that is what it would take..although I may not talk about her in prayer needs, pray for her JUST as much, because she walks through this with us..I have been blessed to have a bond with her that this world can NOT break..

I serve a God who has surrounded me with beautiful Christian woman and friends, ones who come along and help carry my load when it is heavier than I can hold..prayer warriors, servants, giving their heart to me and loving me through EVERY moment I walk in..they come along on the joy filled days and the tear filled ones..

I SERVE A GOD WHO IS STILL IN THE BUSINESS OF PERFORMING MIRACLES..He is waiting for us to ask, and asking us to TRUST HIS TIMING FULLY!!!

What an awesome God I serve! And for the sorrow in my heart last night I STAND IN PRAISE to God, who held me, loved me..but He didn't stop there, He OPENED my heart to a NEW LEVEL of intimacy with HIM..I am in AWE!!!

I will pray to

JEHOVAH-ROPHE:"The Lord Who Heals"

"Look to the Lord and His strength, seek His face always. Remember the wonders He has done, His MIRACLES, and the judgments He pronounced..." 1 Chronicles 16:11-12

"But they, our forefathers, became arrogant and stiff-necked, and did not obey your commands.They refused to listen and failed to remember the MIRACLES you performed among them... But you are a forgiving God, gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love. Therefore You did not desert them..." Nehemiah 9:16-18

"But if it were I, I would appeal to God; I would lay my cause before Him. He performs wonders that cannot be fathomed, MIRACLES that cannot be counted" Job 5:8-9

"Your ways, O God, are holy. What god is so great as our God? You are the God who performs MIRACLES; you display your power among the peoples" Psalm 77:13-14

"The Jews gathered around him, saying, "How long will you keep us in suspense? If you are the Christ,tell us plainly." Jesus answered, "I did tell you, but you do not believe. The MIRACLES I do in my Father's name speak for me, but you do not believe because you are not my sheep" John 10:24-26

"God did extraordinary MIRACLES through Paul..." Acts 19:11

"I will not venture to speak of anything except what Christ has accomplished through me in leading the Gentiles to obey God by what I have said and done—by the power of signs and MIRACLES, through the power of the Spirit. So from Jerusalem all the way around to Illyricum, I have fully proclaimed the gospel of Christ. It has always been my ambition to preach the gospel where Christ was not known, so that I would not be building on someone else's foundation" Romans 15:18-20

MIRACLE AFTER MIRACLE AFTER MIRACLE..and these are ONLY a few..and they ARE STILL performed today!!! I am in AWE!

Raisins!

YES Raisins!!! I am sitting here on Sunday night, and thinking about tomorrow..MONDAY, and the kids needs for the day.. well I am reminded of Friday and Raisins... Thursday was a ROUGH day for JJ..I mean BAD, not sad, not even rough, just BAD! I am not too sure what triggered the day, or what set him off, I wish I knew.. BUT to just say simply, when we got there to get him the classroom was covered in crayons..puzzles..chairs..trash.. and his vocabulary consisted of ONLY movie talk, which was a HUGE improvement to the very VERY ugly words he thought he should say to his teacher.. among running out of the class, away from the principal, and not only hitting his teacher..he decided he should threaten her as well..and that he did "I'm gonna kill you" he shouted WHAT?????? Where would he even learned this??? I thought and prayed ALOT..it was TOUGH and I realized our beloved Charlie Brown movies say that, SO they will be put away for a while... even after he got in the car he would be fine for a minute and then thrash his entire body ALL around..and SCREAM! It was very tough to watch and I wanted to help so much, but between being discouraged by his day and dumbfounded by his actions.. well I didn't know what to do!! We survived the night, and I PRAYED for a better Friday... Well God answered those prayers.. JJ mostly stayed in "his world" Friday and very little work was accomplished..but it was MUCH better day! The highlight of his day...for me atleast was the story of the Raisins!!! One of the teachers at lunch who is pregnant said she felt little "twinges" or "thumps" on her back..but being pregnant she just chalked them up to nerve twinges After about 10min or so, and feeling them..she feels "thump, thump, thump, thump" all at one time.. she turns around to find JJ, my lil man..throwing RAISINS at her back!!! Not only that he just had this blank smile as he chunked another one... OH I had to laugh...and because he wasn't being mean, just being JJ, they decided not to make a huge deal.. after I chuckled for a moment, I asked "Wait, Raisins???? But where did he..." (didn't finish thought, but I knew I hadn't sent Raisins, because he doesn't eat them! and his teacher said "Oh, they weren't his Raisins..they belonged to another child" SO yes that is what i am thinking about on Sunday night as I get ready for Monday.. I picture JJ throwing someone else's Raisins at a teachers back... and you know what??? I PRAISE GOD FOR HIM! I am so thankful for those moments, even when they are stranger than strange because that is how God made my son, who brings SO much laughter into my life..and humbled me in all my parenting skills..but thankfully I serve a loving God who is giving me new and improved skills!!! Hope you all have the laughter in your life God desires and can find the joy even when it is Raisins thumping your back!

Hurt and Gods work!

Hurt is a really funny thing (well not really) , or interesting thing..especially in the way people handle it, or react because of it... God has REALLY grown me in this area and I am just very humbled as He reveals more to me about how He would like me to handle being hurt, and how to handle if I hurt someone... the hardest thing sometimes is to say sorry when we hurt another person ,and I can't say I fully understand why that is..yet at one point or another in my life I have been that person..but it is very humbling as God has changed that in me.. As all of us I have people in my life who have hurt me, and God has graciously shown me how to love those people, but some of them from a distance, when needed.. this has been freeing! 2009 I walked through ALOT of this..in my marriage, my kids, some "friends" (which I put into quotes, because TRUE friends can hurt you, but these were people I called friends, but the ways they hurt me were revealing that they are not TRUE friends), and hurt by being alone, hurting God..all this saying that 2009 was a HUGE growth year for me..(as in each year, just different areas) The first of healing from hurt was in my marriage! PRAISE GOD! 2008 was a tough year that we went through and in Nov 2008, I stopped listening to those around me who gave me advise of this world and I only listened to GOD..who spoke VERY clearly and without hesitation I heard "THIS IS YOUR MARRIAGE, YOU GAVE YOUR LIFE TO ME, YOU GAVE YOUR MARRIAGE TO ME, AND YOU DON'T GET TO HAVE IT BACK, YOU LOVE YOUR HUSBAND FOR WHO HE IS, AND HE WILL SEE ME IN YOU..YOU HONOR YOUR HUSBAND FOR BEING THE LEADER OF YOUR HOME AND HE WILL SEE ME...YOU SUBMIT TO YOUR HUSBAND AS A WIFE AND HE WILL SEE ME...YOU ACCEPT YOUR HUSBAND FOR WHO HE IS AND HE WILL SEE ME...YOU LISTEN TO HIM WITHOUT DISAGREEING AND HE WILL SEE ME...YOU GIVE HIM YOUR WHOLE HEART AND STOP HOLDING BACK AND HE WILL SEE ME...YOU LET GO AND TRULY FORGIVE THE PAST AND HE WILL SEE ME...YOU LOVE HIM WHETHER HE DESERVES OR EARNS IT AND HE WILL SEE ME...AND I PROMISE THAT IT WILL BE HARD BUT I AM HERE AND YOU DO THESE THINGS TO HONOR ME AND HE WILL SEE ME..HE WILL COME TO KNOW ME..AND I LOVE YOU FOR COMING TO ME AND TURNING FROM THIS WORLD" so I did...I did everything God ask me to do, and it was HARD..and it HURT..but this time the hurt was different, it was about God and not me..and God held me through the beginning of what would end up being breath taking.. I did a "love dare" of sorts..this is what God brought into my life in Nov 2008, and I didn't want to, but I did..by Christmas I was head over heals in love again..and yet there was healing to do..I am constantly reminded of God's words to me..and that is what held me... little did I know then how this would all turn out! So begins 2010.. and I am married to my BEST FRIEND..I mean it..just yesterday I said something not thinking and my husband let me know it hurt him..I didn't realize what I said..and I had tears coming down my face, not crying, just TEARS..this is HUGE..my heart broke at the realization of hurting him, and instead of being defensive or saying a quick sorry and trying to move on..I couldn't! I had tears that wouldn't stop coming as I SO very humbly apologized..it was WONDERFUL..that was GOD in me, coming out, changing me..and guess what my husband saw that in me, in my eyes, and his forgiveness felt like the best gift I have ever received (outside the forgiveness of God, of course!)..because in my hurt and his, we weren't alone , God was there and it didn't turn into a fight, or anyone walking away mad, because true sorrow was offered and true forgiveness was given!! ALL IN LESS THAN FIVE MINUTES! And we moved on from those moments and the were gone..and we didn't let it ruin our day, we had the Best day together! oh and Gods word to me..well my husband saw, everything God said he would, he did...and my husband sees GOD..he sees God through me, in me..and now in himself..I see God in my husband and let me bluntly say there is NO greater turn on than that..I find my husband so attractive and my heart overflows with love as I see God working in him..it is an amazing thing! Healing from Hurt in "Friends"...friendships can be tough, because no matter how much we try, we are not always 100% open with friendships, or I haven't always been..but I had always held back because of the fear of being hurt by a friend, that is pain that goes so very very deep..and I let that fear/guard up..I opened my heart fully to "friends"..and guess what??? HURT..and not normal I wasn't a great friend hurt..I mean very deceptive, slander, gossip, and painful hurt..I was absolutely devastated...and in those moments, over a year ago..I didn't react how I would now...I reacted in hurt with hurt..I was angry, and I didn't like confrontation, so I just stayed hurt and carried that ... and when the waves settled I just went on like it was okay, when it wasn't...but through this God revealed to me what TRUE Godly friendship was suppose to look like..He allowed me to be alone alot, which helped and hurt..and He helped me to forgive those who had hurt me, and yet taught me that I didn't have to go back and "fix" everything as I so often did..and His blessing to me as I went through this and prayed for a Godly woman to have a friendship with, well He blessed me abundantly! I have a "besty" whose heart for God is amazing, she is strong and filled with love! And we became besties through her fight for her life..God spoke to me, on how to help and I never knew that His plan was to have her in my life as such a close amazing friend..it's been a total God thing! But God didn't stop there, He has continued to bring Godly women in my life, whose support and strength inspire me to grow closer to Christ! And I PRAISE God for the hurt of those "friends", because He has grown me into a stronger, BETTER, very open, loving, yet very truthful friend..I have a wonderful group of women who hold me, keep me accountable, speak GOD'S truth and love to me..and who except my imperfections, and yet don't allow those to be hindrances or excuses for me to use! And I do all this for them!! I LOVE THIS!!! THAT IS TRUE FRIENDSHIP...I pray that God will keep bringing those women/friends in my life..because it has blessed me abundantly! And the exciting part in all this, well it is God it not done yet..He is teaching me daily how to walk through hurts, and pain..He is so gracious and loving when I feel so weak, and I wait for His answer before I react..sometimes that comes in split seconds, sometimes hours, sometimes days..but the end result is that I am less of this world and that is humbling to me.. "A truthful witness gives honest testimony,but a false witness tells lies. Reckless words pierce like a sword,but the tongue of the wise brings healing. Truthful lips endure forever,but a lying tongue lasts only a moment. There is deceit in the hearts of those who plot evil,but joy for those who promote peace. No harm befalls the righteous,but the wicked have their fill of trouble. The Lord detests lying lips,but he delights in men who are truthful. A prudent man keeps his knowledge to himself,but the heart of fools blurts out folly." Proverbs 12:17-23