I believe i am always growing...always striving to be who God created me to be..sometimes I think I misplace that idea and try to be more than who God desires me to be, which in the end means i am less...lately, I have struggled with this..over the last 10 years of my life..ok really my entire life I have struggled with who I am..I have so much in my mind and heart and if I JUST had the tools then...
so often without even realizing it I have had these struggles...
when i found God and became a Christian I thought AWESOME..I am "a Christian"...so whenever I was in doubt or disarray I could go back and say "wait I am a Christian"...but what is that???
I believe in God, I know God, I have a personal relationship with Him...but who am I?? Who am I in Christ?
At first I followed in the footsteps of those who taught me about Christ, I hear this is common, and at some point you have to branch off...
like a baby bird who has to learn to fly, you know how they learn??? the get pushed out of the nest if they don't jump on their own!! No kidding!
So for a while i think God allows us to follow in the footsteps of those who have walked with Him longer, who know Him intimately(and I believe we should always have a mentor!), but as our Father, He desires for us to know Him for ourselves, and through that I believe we find out who we are...so about 2 years, maybe 3yrs ago I was very reluctantly PUSHED out of my tree of comfort..I like the tree, I liked being under the guidance of those with more knowledge,...I could see them fly, and fly in my mind, it was nice...
I believe God let me stay in the nest longer than some because of JJ, He knew that I had to be cared for because of the strain of JJ's health..I also believe sometimes He takes us out of the air to rest in the nest as needed, because we can't fly non-stop, we need rest...
so when I was pushed out the nest...I fell, I tried to get my wings going, but I fell...I fell further and further, I would try to flap to keep up, but I wouldn't be able too...I could even feel God put his hand to help my fly, but I was stubborn and wouldn't let Him help.."I've got it, I am gonna fly alone, I got it"
WRONG...I didn't have anything right, I fell, and the point wasn't to fly alone, it was suppose to be to learn how to fly with God, to let God guide me, and I would follow, and when I wasn't sure how to follow He would grab my wings and direct them..
I missed the point...it was a hard lessen as I hit the ground, and my wings were broken, scratched and bruised...and my ego was shattered...my embarrassment of this fall had me handle things in so many wrong ways..I felt like i had failed God...
God shook His head, picked me up, healed my pain, healed my bruises, carried me back to the nest...it took time, I had to sit in my pain, I had to sit in the choices...I waited for God to tell me I had been totally wrong I hadn't really EVER knew Him...
I waited for God to tell me that I wasn't really a Christian..and in my mind i thought than who am I?
God never said any of this to me...He said I love you, He said He was disappointed that I thought He wouldn't fly with me, and my mistakes caused Him sadness, because they caused me such great pains...
I was having an Identity Crisis...
I thought I had it figured out, and I could fly alone...
not only could I not fly alone, I wasn't suppose to...had I paid attention, when God pushed me out of that nest, He pushed several others out, we were suppose to lean on each other to learn how to fly, to follow Him...I missed it completely...
so I sat back in the nest, and long after the bruises healed, and wings were working...
my heart hurt...God had forgiven me, but my pain inside kept me sitting...
God would check on me DAILY, HOURLY, SECONDS of EACH MINUTE..to see if I was ready to let Him push me to fly again..and I knew I wasn't flying alone and yet...
so many of those times I just looked down, shook my head quietly no, and said "not today God, I can't do it, i am not strong enough.."
God understood, and loved me just the same...
I do believe He was saddened because He knew what I was missing...that my OWN self inflicted pain and grief wasn't needed...
this has been over the last 6 months...over the last 2 or so months I get up each day and I look over that nest, it is a long fall down..I take one step, but i stand back..something keeps me in the nest..fear maybe, the fear of falling again, the fear of failure again, messing up again..whatever it is or was, it was LIES, and the truth is I serve a loving God who picks me up when I fall, and loves me just the same...today I heard HIM, so loud, so clear, I felt His love flowing through EVERY part of me..I heard truth, I heard His promises, I heard HIM!
TODAY I JUMPED...God didn't even have to push me...TODAY I JUMPED!
I jumped and guess what???
I didn't fall...my wings still need practice, a lot of it, but when my wings start taking me in the wrong direction, I just stop flapping, I kinda go on auto pilot, which isn't controlled by a fancy computer, but by a MIGHTY GOD, who KNOWS exactly where to take me!!
God is and ALWAYS will be my guide, and my cruise control...
I am not flying alone...today I fly with Christ and many others who know Him...
the last months as I have been getting ready to be "pushed" have been hard..I have been growing with God, REALLY learning more of who He is...
one thing is He showed me that I HAVE been a Christian with all my heart, soul, mind, spirit since I ask Him in my life...
Next He showed me that I am still broken, and will struggle with flying my whole life, this doesn't make me any less of a person, or follower of God..I am and ALWAYS will be a Christian..
He also showed that my mistakes, where I fell didn't put me back to the start line..He showed me how different my 2nd time in the nest was from my 1st...
that when I had to go back in for "recovery" it was not because I couldn't fly, it wasn't because I was still learning who He was...I KNEW Him ( I mean I learn more daily, and always will) , and He put me in the nest to heal, and grow to HIM! To fully trust Him and His plan in my life!
And through this...I am learning who I am in HIM! Who HE created me to be...it is a process, and I believe, and know I will have more "nest breaks" in the future..but not because I had to start over, but because they are needed to keep growing, to keep flying...
I love how God does that, that He loves us and meets us where we are to GROW to Him....
so who am I?
Rachel...I am who God created me to be, and I learn more about that each day, and each day opens new doors, new directions..new desires..and tons of growth!
I am learning there will be really awesome days where I will see so much as I fly..and other days that I will simply fly to stay up, but not get very far...and that is okay..
I am learning to let Him lead..to follow..to hear Him..
and I PRAISE a God who designed me so very specifically, with a love beyond measure...
I hope each of you jumps when your ready, or allows God to push you when you're to scared..I pray that as you fall you let go and give it to Him..and I REJOICE with you as you learn when to fly with Him leading and when to let Him take FULL control and just be still...
love you all
Below is a gift God gave me as I ask the question
(lengthy, but worth the read, I found on a website and printed!)
Who Am I in Christ?
• I am a child of God; God is spiritually my Father.
Romans 8:14,15
because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father."
Galatians 3:26
You are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus
John 1:12
Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God
• I am a new creation in Christ; old things have passed away and all things have become new.
2 Corinthians 5:17
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!
• I am in Christ.
Galatians 3:26,28
You are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.
• I am an heir with the Father and a joint heir with Christ.
Galatians 4:6.7
Because you are sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, "Abba, " So you are no longer a slave, but a son; and since you are a son, God has made you also an heir.
Romans 8:17
Now if we are children, then we are heirs heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.
• I am reconciled to God and am an ambassador of reconciliation for Him.
2 Corinthians 5:18-19
All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation.
• I am a saint.
Ephesians 1:1
Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus by the will of God, to the saints in Ephesus, the faithful in Christ Jesus:
1 Corinthians 1:2
to the church of God in Corinth, to those sanctified in Christ Jesus and called to be holy, together with all those everywhere who call on the name of our Lord Jesus Christ their Lord and ours:
Philippians 1:1
Paul and Timothy, servants of Christ Jesus, to all the saints in Christ Jesus at Philippi, together with the overseers and deacons:
• I am God's workmanship, created in Christ for good works.
Ephesians 2:10
For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
• I am a citizen of heaven.
Ephesians 2:19
Consequently, you are no longer foreigners and aliens, but fellow citizens with God's people and members of God's household
Philippians 3:20
But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ
• I am a member of Christ's body.
1 Corinthians 12:27
Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it.
• I am united to the Lord and am one spirit with Him.
1 Corinthians 6:17
But he who unites himself with the Lord is one with him in spirit.
• I am the temple of the Holy Spirit.
1 Corinthians 3:16
Don't you know that you yourselves are God's temple and that God's Spirit lives in you?
1 Corinthians6:19
Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own.
• I am a friend of Christ.
John 15:15
I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.
• I am a slave of righteousness.
Romans 6:18
God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God
• I am the righteousness of God in Christ.
2 Corinthians 5:21
God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.
• I am enslaved to God.
Romans 6:22
But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves to God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life.
• I am chosen and ordained by Christ to bear fruit.
John 15:16
You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name.
• I am a prisoner of Christ.
Ephesians 3:1
For this reason I, Paul, the prisoner of Christ Jesus for the sake of you Gentiles
Ephesians 4:1
As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received.
• I am righteous and holy.
Ephesians 4:24
and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.
• I am hidden with Christ in God.
Colossians 3:3
For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God.
• I am the salt of the earth.
Matthew 5:13
"You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness,how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything,except to be thrown out and trampled by men."
• I am the light of the world.
Matthew 5:14
"You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden."
• I am part of the true vine.
John 15:1-2
"I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful."
• I am filled with the divine nature of Christ and escape the corruption that is in the world through lust.
2 Peter 1:4
Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires.
• I am an expression of the life of Christ.
Colossians 3:4
When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.
• I am chosen of God, holy and dearly loved.
Colossians 3:12
Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience
1 Thessalonians 1:4
For we know, brothers loved by God, that he has chosen you
• I am a child of light.
1 Thessalonians 5:5
You are all sons of the light and sons of the day. We do not belong to the night or to the darkness.
• I am a partaker of a heavenly calling.
Hebrews 3:1
Therefore, holy brothers, who share in the heavenly calling, fix your thoughts on Jesus, the apostle and high priest whom we confess.
• I am more than a conqueror though Christ.
Romans 8:37
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.
• I am a partaker with Christ and share in His life.
Hebrews 3:14
We have come to share in Christ if we hold firmly till the end the confidence we had at first
• I am one of God's living stones, being built up in Christ as a spiritual house.
1 Peter 2:5
you also, like living stones, are being built into a spiritual house to be a holy priesthood offering spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ.
• I am a chosen generation, a royal priest hood, a holy nation.
1 Peter 2:9
But you are a chosen people, a royal priest hood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.
• I am the devil's enemy.
1 Peter 5:8
Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.
• I am born again by the Spirit of God.
John 3:3-6
In reply Jesus declared, "I tell you the truth, no one can see the kingdom of God unless he is born again" "How can a man be born when he is old?" Nicodemus asked. "Surely he cannot enter a second time into his mother's womb to be born!" Jesus answered, "I tell you the truth, no one can enter the kingdom of God unless he is born of water and the Spirit. 6Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit gives birth to spirit.
• I am an alien and a stranger to this world.
1 Peter 2:11
Dear friends, I urge you, as aliens and strangers in the world, to abstain from sinful desires, which war against your soul.
• I am a child of God who always triumphs in Christ and releases His fragrance in every place.
2 Corinthians 2:14
But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumphal procession in Christ and through us spreads everywhere the fragrance of the knowledge of him.
• I am seated in heavenly places in Christ.
Ephesians 2:6
And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus
• I am saved by grace.
Ephesians 2:8
For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God
• I am a recipient of every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places
in Christ.
Ephesians 1-6 (The Whole book!)
• I am redeemed by the blood of the Lamb.
Revelations 5:9
And they sang a new song: "You are worthy to take the scroll and to open its seals, because you were slain, and with your blood you purchased men for God from every tribe and language and people and nation."
• I am part of the Bride of Christ and am making myself ready of Him.
Revelations 19:7
Let us rejoice and be glad and give him glory!For the wedding of the Lamb has come, and his bride has made herself ready.
• I am a true worshiper who worships the Father in spirit and in truth.
John 4:24
God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in spirit and in truth.
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