Taking a Sabbatical....

Recently God has really been working in some areas of my life...many areas, but all very closely related...as you read in previous blogs many changes over the last 6 months have taken place, some easier than others..but all extremely beneficial!
Now God is moving me in a very different direction, one I am not use to and still so unsure of the "terms" behind this..I am praying for specifics in this...
backing up a little bit, as you know I started going to school about 2 years ago, I have completed 5 semesters (1 being summer), and took last summer off..
Last summer was AMAZING, I loved every moment with my children, but as I recently reflected I realized some choices weren't the healthiest for myself or my kiddos, and the more I looked at it, well honestly I was disappointed that I chose to go places and sacrifice time one on one with my family..nothing against God or "sinful", just not the wisest of choices..or healthiest of situations, to say the least..and I will leave it there, gossip/slander has no room in this blog!!!
Anyways, as summer is coming once again I look at last year and see where things will be very different..one minor change, although sounds silly, is that I will be looking for activities BOTH my children can enjoy! It is hard to find something that a 13 and 6 almost 7 year old (w/heart and Autism) both love, and one being boy and girl..but I have set that as my goal! I looked back and SO many of the activities were geared toward JJ, and let's face it so much of our life is because we have to see what works health wise for him..BUT there are things BOTH my kids LOVE and that I will look for...
ANYWAYS, let me stop here and say I think this blog will jump back and forth so I hope you can follow!

So, last summer was still wonderful..we went on 2 family vacations, and got to travel for the first time as a family to places, THAT was amazing, and despite some of my recent realizations, it was by far the BEST summer we have had, we were outside almost daily, and in the water and laughing...so I am letting go of the "mistakes" and moving into this summer with BOTH eyes open, a new approach!

But what happened AFTER summer was that I had to go back to school and so did the kids...I felt very depressed, because i love my children, and I missed them! Plus JJ was going into Kinder and a new teacher and schedule, and I was VERY  depressed...no other way to put this! We decided, or maybe I decided with my husband backing me up that 3 classes was better this semester than 4, and it turned to be a very wise decision because JJ had a rough year, BUT my true reasoning wasn't him, although God used that for the benefit of the family!
This was not the true reason I wanted to go part time..I didn't even realize it until very recently what was changing...
This past semester was even more challenging, I started with 3 classes and had to drop 1 because of JJ's needs, and truly where I was at that time, it was the best decision!
But I thought it was all for JJ, and to "survive" this semester it was the best choice, but not fully for JJ...
the last 6 months of changes had SO many effects in my life...
so many things surfaced...and I don't mean childhood things, that happened to me years ago and I praise God for healing and forgiveness...
I mean INTERNAL things that were in the pit of me that I would NEVER allow a soul to know about ... and although God knew them, I NEVER discussed them with Him..Why? well that is another blog and another day!
So as things have surfaced, and healed and continue to surface, I am recently taking a lot of baby steps in each one, and taking them one thing at a time...
some days I try to take on more, or "fix" them, but I can't...and I fail...and I start again...
And truly the last 6 months although tough, have made me so much happier inside..I have focused, or refocused on what truly matters in this life, why I am here, and how to serve God in the way He desires...these have been wonderful small steps to a change that has been coming, or is happening..
One change that has happened is I will be full time again in the fall...with 14 hours..YES w/ Spanish it is more than 12, but  4 classes...i am excited, but I right away felt there was preparations that needed to take place as I started this...and so many other changes, small or not, they need time to get ready for!
Recently I have been hearing God showing and saying,
"Take a Sabbatical"
And I just keep going FROM WHAT????
I have 2 friends who have husbands taking Sabbaticals from work, well one just got back and one will be going in the near future...
I know 2 or 3 Pastors at our church who recently took time, and some an official Sabbatical...
I have heard this for over a month now...
so I did some reading on it...
I KNOW what it means, but I googled it anyways...since that was the word God showed me, and gave me, well it interested me to know more...
Here is the first page I read, and the most relevant for what I am walking through, or actually what I am about to step into...
"Sabbatical or a sabbatical (from Latin sabbaticus, from Greek sabbatikos, from Hebrew shabbat, i.e., Sabbath, literally a "ceasing") is a rest from work, or a hiatus, often lasting from two months to a year.

There were more details but it was the BOLDED part that stood out and God said YES...CEASE, now...
I am one to be obedient...but I had to ask as this went on..from what????
the answer I hear back is
"life"
ummmmmm okay?!?!? I don't get it...but then God made it ever so clear...
this summer I will be taking a
sabbatical
from what it all involves, I don't know the details...but it will involve all the baby steps I have been taking, adding up and taking the big steps, it is time for the hard work...
sounds opposite of the definition, huh???
BUT that is why it will be a sabbatical from life...God is asking for some radical changes in my life..will they be visible from the outside eye??? I have NO idea, if and when they are is Gods timing, and decision, not mine...
I don't know what it will look like just yet...I know what God has shown me so far...some of the ceasing will be how I spend time right now...I debated on "sharing" this information even, and prayed about it before, and knew it was a "yes share", mainly because I am so social, I didn't want anyone to worry or think anything was wrong when I didn't have any updates...
where I use so much to reach others for Him, He is asking for me to reach out to Him only right now...
so as it has begun, and I think through summer I will be on Sabbatical...
so no worries if I am not online, things are going to go wonderful...I guarantee it! This is completely from God and I look so forward to the hard work coming..
I hope and pray everyone enjoys there summer..I hope and pray that each of you has fun and stays safe...please feel free to call me, email, text...God is not asking me to fully "hide" away, just change in focus...
you will all stay in my prayers DAILY..and I will be back in August (maybe, I think?) to share whatever God desires of me!
<3 Love all of you <3
As always and Forever..

~Runnin' on Joy~

"Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me." Psalm 51:10