My son JJ had his 6month check-up with his cardiologist...we only see him in office twice a year, I think this started when JJ was 3 or 4, probably 4...but we always have some hospital visit in the summer for either an MRA, or heart cath and we see his doctor then too...so we are down to 3 times a year..to me this is something I am so thankful for...when I remember after his birth, we were there every week, then month for a while, then every 2 months, then 3 and so on...so every 6 months, is wonderful to me....and while there is always a reality associated with these appointment..God kept me at a full and complete peace...something that isn't always easy to do...
Overall, JJ's appt was a great check-up and report! I am thrilled with this news....and then a somber reality that the leaky valve is now seeming to leak more, and we up his medicine and see his doctor again in 6months...and then something his doctor said is what has my heart is the littlest bit of pain and sorrow...he said this is why we have to come every 6months still, because of his leaking valve....in that moment I could hear myself saying, "Wait you mean we could be down to once a year?!?!" and the answer is yes, we could...but our reality is no, JJ has a leaking valve and we need to come every 6months, and whatever hospital summer visit in between....that is our reality...
Isn't is funny how thrilled I have been to be only going every 6 months, and loving that...and yet once I heard that we could be down to once a year...every 6 months seemed more serious, and less exciting...it was like a milestone that JJ hasn't hit yet...and maybe he never will...that is the reality....
And with this I am reminded of JJ's last week of school before Christmas vacation...we have worked so hard to get him in a general education classroom, he is in 1st grade this year, but still spends the majority of his time in lifeskills...in my mind I have been pushing him into a "regular" class, KNOWING he can do it, without a second thought, he WILL hit this milestone, and in my time frame, soon...but then his Christmas parties came along, well really since Thanksgiving he hasn't been able to be in the 1st grade class as much, and a small part of me thought he should, push him, he can do it, push him....how wrong I was....I never SAID or ask them to push him, but a small part of me thought they should....then I was so privileged to spend the last 2 days with him and his lifeskills class for the parties....the 2nd day he was suppose to be a part of the 1st grade party, but as I watched him, I listened to him, his body language and the relationship he has with his classmates, all the different teachers, and people in his school life and I realized something so big, so beautiful.....
JJ was happy, he is so happy at school, he is happy going for small parts to 1st grade, and coming back to his REAL class, his lifeskills where he feels safe, and so happy...I was overwhelmed with emotions as I just let him BE...I watched him and realized for the first time that is he never makes it into a "regular" room 100%, he may never make that milestone...but he is learning, socializing, and happy loving school... then his life is blessed...he is blessed , and so are we....God gave me a gift that day....that although he "should" be able to be in a "regular" class, and maybe one day he will...maybe, just possibly he won't...and why does that matter??? He will be wherever GOD takes him, and we just get to push where He asks, and stand still where He asks....what a GIFT....
God is so gracious, He has let me talk this "missed milestones" over and over and over with Him...and He has covered me in peace...and very gracefully whispered to me "pray"...so that is what I am doing and asking all of my prayer warriors to do with me..PRAY...pray that the leaking is controlled, healed, stopped...whatever God's plan is, please pray over my son's heart, his leaking valve, and that in the end that God's plans, God's will for us, for JJ be done <3 and He has given me acceptance...to just LOVE JJ, whether he is in lifeskills, or otherwise...accept that JJ is where he can be, and God has him...that the only milestones in JJ's life that even matter, are the ones that God gives him <3
God has his heart and his mind...both HE created for HIS purpose, HIS plan...and HIS glory <3
So for us...for JJ...there is nothing better to come along...it is funny how somethings seem so awesome, so right...until....until we think they should be different or better...when in reality, God created each of us so special, so specifically, for HIS plan...that there is not a "better"...we are HIS best <3
Love you All and always thank you for your prayers <3
"Let the morning bring me word of Your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in You. Show me the way I should go, for to You I entrust my life."
Psalm 143:8
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