Baby Steps with Huge results....

About a year ago, maybe longer I realized that although I had been walking with Christ since 2002, I had not been walking IN Him..


I am not saying I was saying one thing and doing another, or being "fake" about my Christianity...I was just stuck in the "baby" stage and not growing with God and IN Him...and I would notice I would slip up on my quiet time and just push it aside...

trust me, being where I was before I knew God, there was NO way I was going BACK..steps backwards, mess ups, that was fine..but I will never walk away from God again...because I KNOW firsthand what that results in...

so over the last year or so, God has really been pushing me to be walking IN His words, His truths, His ways..100%, (mess-ups still happening) but that everywhere I looked I could see what part He had in it...I found the parts that He created nothing less than AWE...and the sin around me sometimes too hard to even face..but this time, God didn't allow me to walk away from sin, as I did while I was in my "baby" stage..you see when you become a Christian and haven't quite learned how to walk, I believe God carries you away from things that might hurt or distract you..I mean satan still tries to seep his way in, but you see he can't if you are a baby and surrounded by God and His love...

BUT soon it is time to walk, and if you resist walking too long, God can't keep carrying you (figurative of growth, we know God ALWAYS carries us!) Oh and if you crawl in this part of life you’re in the mud with satan..YUCK

And if you refuse to walk, well you sit still..RIGHT????

Yes..and without knowing it, that is what started happening to me in 2008ish...and satan got in..and my marriage was close to over...

I had been offered to take part in a love dare for my husband, who I was angry at and I hadn't seen the movie, and at the time didn't want to really...but after God really prompting me, I started the love dare..small steps each day with HUGE Godly results...my marriage was SAVED..and I love my husband more each day..and if that wasn't enough, my husband has become my BEST friend, I mean the one you want to invite when you hear of a cool place to go, the one you want to stay up next to and read a book together...the one you can LAUGH so hard with..the one you can share your deepest thoughts and secrets with and KNOW they are safe, and you are never judged..THAT BEST FRIEND! And God didn't stop there..

He picked up my hands and started helping me walk..BOY was it hard to learn to walk and to be honest some days still a year later, He is STILL helping me stand up to walk when I feel like I should sit..

because as God has helped me walk, He has had me face sin HEAD on...He has allowed sin to come into my "safety zone" and hasn't allowed me to sit, and hasn't carried me away from it..WHY????

because He loves me, and He knows I HAVE to grow to Him, and IN Him..to KNOW Him, I have to know the complete opposite of Him..the evil, that only He can help me to stay away from..

and it has almost seemed at times I drag my feet, because facing sin, my own and others, and some against me..HURTS...but knowing that hurt has allowed me to know JOY..

I have experienced so much JOY in my life over the last year..and at the same time some of the biggest Hurts as I walk in Christ..I mean I had PLENTY of hurt before I knew God, but I handled it, let's just say very different, I won't glorify the details in that!

Hurt after you KNOW God is different, it is real, and it is painful...

but the JOY after you know God is something I can't describe in words outside of JOY, it is nothing you can imagine, it is just short of heaven..PURE JOY

So, baby steps in the last year or so, have had HUGE results...and each day opens new doors, new adventures..new direction, but I am WALKING, sometimes running to what God has in store for our family..of course when I run, I fall, and God lovingly reminds me to walk, never rush His plans..the timing is perfect!

So as I continue in my baby steps...I KNOW and SEE and FEEL the HUGE results...

now I am asking God to help me with this in specific struggles..and as I release the control, He does!

I pray each of you takes at least 1 baby step today...at the end of a year that would be 365 baby steps..that is HUGE and guaranteed to have HUGE results!

Love you All!!

Less the Perfect..(a little..a lot)

I was driving 2 days ago, and talking with God as I often do, and He gives me this title for my blog...


I have to admit I was a little baffled by this..I mean DUH I know I am not perfect...NO i didn't say DUH to God, just out loud to myself...

but God heard me..

because I know i am MUCH less than perfect, but maybe I still strive for perfection???

And in the loving ways that God does things..very loving way..He begin to show me ALL of my imperfections..

in small things, and okay to be honest He didn't show me all my imperfections, or I would have had to go into a mental hospital...lol..but REALLY! I know they are there, but SOME are not things I am ready to face FULL on!

But in the last 2 days, God has very lovingly helped me remember I am less than perfect..in strange small ways...

like for a NON-related example, seeing someone trip, I trip ALL the time, but thinking I would NEVER trip over that...and then I spill HUGE pieces of food all over my shirt..HAHAHA..oh guess that is a reminder..and goes back to that judging thing I mentioned last blog...

that actually did NOT happen, but it was a perfect description of the little humorous things God did to show me...

one thing I can recall specifically, is getting onto Kelli yesterday about dishes, and chores, etc...

and turning around and saying something like "right here, like this for one example of what I mean"...she so sweetly responded "that is JJ's" ...did I go to JJ, noooo..and I tried and went on "ok right here".."that is Papi's"...ohhhh ok, I will get to him later I thought, but didn't say.."OH what about this Kelli.." and she so sweetly responded AS SHE PICKED IT UP "Mommy this is yours from earlier, I wasn't here"

OUCH..right to the heart..and don't picture me hounding my daughter around the house berating her...it DIDN'T happen like that, we were cleaning, picking up and i would mention things as we went along..and some things in between those events were hers and she admitted where she could work..BUT they weren't ALL her, why? because we are ALL less than perfect, ME BIG TIME, and so is she...and yet I expect her to just get it...and no I didn't berate her this time, but God reminded me again so lovingly of how my expectations of her are higher than of myself sometimes...how I have broken her spirit just a little, over a dirty bathroom..WHY?

because I am striving for perfection..ohhhhhhhhhhhh ugh..no not ME?!?!?!?

"Yes you" God so lovingly reminded me...

and there were MANY events over these 2 days like this..most extremely small to an outside eye, but HUGE to me..and then I knew why He gave me the title...

BUT He didn't stop there, not at all...

He continued to walk with me and as I saw another pimple, another wrinkle, another tight pair of jeans...another pile of dirty kids clothing, tripping in Kels room, and over JJ's toys...

that in ALL this LESS than perfect life He has given me, it is BEAUTIFUL!

Yep, the pimple is a reminder I have a face that HE created for me, and the wrinkle..the tight pants are a reminder of my imperfections and lack of health..but HE created me and yes wants my health to improve, but not so the jeans fit better...so I can glorify Him in this life, and feel up to the tasks!

the dirty clothes, dishes, floors...reminding me I have a family HE gave me to share this life with..

and that the OUTSIDE of me, the OUTSIDE look of my house...the part people see ONLY with their eyes..is NOT the way God sees me..He sees the inside..my heart, and the loving pieces...He doesn't see the dirt of the house, He sees the LAUGHTER that beams from one side of the walls to the other..

He sees when i fail with my words w/ Kelli...but He also sees as I HUG her so tightly, when I realized I didn't say what I felt, I said what I saw...

He sees me raise my voice to JJ to get back in bed for the 100th time, and I do not want to get off the couch, I am tired...BUT then He sees me get up anyways, go tickled, tuck and love him..

OR just as often, He sees my husband say "I got him" and jump up to go love on him...

That is what God sees..

so this morning as I was getting dressed just enough to drive the kids and walk JJ in..I didn't put contacts in, I threw a yellow hat on my head, and wore slippers...I didn't even look in the mirror...

but as I drove, God revealed His sunrise, it was breathtaking...

and in that moment, in all the moments I am breathtaking to Christ, when I am living in Him, and for Him..and in my LESS than perfect life, that is when I am closest to Him...

today I feel nothing less than beautiful..and completely LESS than perfect!

What a beautiful day to be a daughter or son of Christ!

Hoping each of your LESS than perfect days are filled with nothing LESS than beauty and love!

Love you All!

Just some thoughts...

I can't believe it is Friday and Spring Break is coming to an end so soon...but as I look back on the last week I can SEE visibily with my eyes all the progress and projects we accomplished over the week and I can REMEMBER what fun we had in between the projects and the looks on my childrens faces which were and are priceless,..I am going to miss the day to day with my children as the school caos and life creep back in..I would love to say they won't, but being realistic they will because of our current schedule as it is right now.. and yes changes are being put in place for this "problem" but won't go in effect this year...
anyways...what I can't see exactly with my eyes, but I can see it in and with my heart is what God did this week...
He is taking me and my family into new and unseen territory, He is leading us in a different direction than I thought we would go...
it is exciting..and although no one around may even see a difference, I do..my family does...
they are seeing a different part of me, some is slow...I am working through and walking through some things that have kept certain unhealthy attributes in my life...
and the beautiful part of these not so beautiful attributes is that my husband is speaking to me, God is using Him to speak beautiful truths to me, and to love me in only the way a husband and best  friend can and WILL!
One of the struggles I have and up until now I have not been willing  to share with anyone, is my struggle with weight...
YES WEIGHT!
Okay so many around me can see my struggle, that is not what I mean..my intern struggle..the reason WHY I struggle with weight gain and loss..and while i am not ready to go into details on here and maybe i never will, I am willing to reveal that God has so lovingly shown me some of this...and is helping me to overcome the FEAR I have ... fear of failing AKA gaining the weight back..or not losing,..and the fear of judgement..
that led into so many other areas God is working on me in...
the FEAR OF JUDGEMENT!
Wow, that is huge, and so very true....I have spent way to much energy wondering and caring what others may thing of me..and not enough time on what GOD thinks of me, and HIS view and judgement is the ONLY legitimate one...we should NOT be judging one another
then He showed me how i tend to "form opinions" of things based on things i hear AKA Judgment..I am not in nature a judging person, but when someone hurts me, WOW gloves come off and i see a side of me that I wish wasn't there...and with everything God is doing, it won't be there for long...YES!!! I can't rejoice enough on this part!!!!
so jumping around this weight struggle led to God revealing so much more..and it has been hard but AMAZING as I see these things shedding off of me, and soon to follow I know the pounds will! It is exciting and scary to reveal...so this blog is facing a fear, and guess what??? NO FEAR!
FREEDOM, I feel FREEDOM!!!!
Praise God for never giving up on me, for continuously finding ways to speak to me, and reveal pieces of His plan for me and my family..I am happy, and in AWE!
I am in love with my God, my Father in Heaven, my ALL in ALL!!!

AND maybe the next step will be to go into more detail about the actual weight part..idk, but if I do you will know! ;-)
love you all

Testimony of how Powerful, Loving, and Mighty God IS!

I feel like our family is in a new "season" of life..

In fact, I know we are!

It has been one with many changes and one with a good amount of stress..and in moments I almost found myself questioning God's plan for our family..I KNOW crazy!

BUT just when I thought my exhaustion and extreme fatigue were at an all time high, and I thought I was going to drop to the ground...

God came in a carried me!

I am reminded of the poem "Footprints in the Sand"

How often do we only look for what we can SEE with our eyes, and forget it is what we don't see, but what we KNOW is there that matters!!

Having FAITH!!

"Faith is being sure of what we hope for, and certain of what we do not see"

Hebrews 11:1

God didn't one time look away from us, and our extreme fatigue, and my heart breaking...in fact He was there to get me up each morning and He is here today!

Most of this "stress" to find a simple name, came from JJ's recent school behaviors...along with normal life stress..and my heart was broken each day as I was called, over and over...or when I arrived to get him, he was in the office or had been! This has been such a TRIAL!

BUT as with all trials, God has been in the front line, fighting each of them for our family..and keeping me going day in and day out..for this I am ON MY KNEES, and Praising Him!

About 2 weeks ago, I went to a Women’s Retreat, which I go to each year...this year the speaker was great, and the theme was "Simplicity"!

WOW, could that not have fit more perfectly! I was hesitant to go, and stressed with everything I would be leaving behind, and all of the "JJ stuff" .. but my husband said there was NOT an option, I was going and I needed this! BOY was he right!

I went, and God took me through SO many stages..and showed me where He was taking me and our family! It was beautiful!!

And it was SIMPLE!

I can't put what He shared in exact words..but first and most important

"TRUST ME!" (Trust HIM)

And the rest falls along those lines..but each of the words He spoke to me, came back to that...

"Are you TRUSTING me?"

The truth is I believed I was..I always have..but recently in the last few months, I had taken over, and I (key word) was looking for a plan or solution for JJ, and then for everything in my life..it is contagious..all of a sudden you take over one area, and then you try taken over your own life...

BOY a mistake, and a stressful one...

following the retreat, God has continued to show us that He making changes in our family...and asking us to be patient..this can be hard, but there is NO way I will go back to trying to figure this one out on my own, that never works!

One thing He did do, is give us a direction "clue" .. last Wednesday right after the retreat, I was ask to give part of my testimony, with my sister...

He revealed His GLORY in my life..He reminded me of the power of PRAYER, as the story was shared..and He showed me His unconditional Love in so many ways..it was beautiful, because it was the story of Christ, the Love of Christ, the forgiveness of Christ..the pursuing He does for EACH of us!

This was ALL for His Glory..and He REIGNED over our services this past Sunday...I am so humbled that God would use me, use my "mess" and turn it into HIS GLORY!

This was a small step in the direction He is taking us..reminding us of what He has done and will continue to do..reminding us that we are HIS, and we are here for Him, to serve HIM..and tell the world of His Might, His Power, His love..and His unconditional forgiveness!!!

I am humbled to be loved and pursued in this way..I am humbled to receive love in this way..and I am humbled at the beautiful reminder He gave me..that He has never and will never give up on me..

and I love this new season we are in, one of transition, one of patience, one of love..and one that is taking us into places we have never been...

I am in AWE..and I am so blessed to be able to share this with so many!

ALL for God's GLORY!

"Be STILL and know that I am God"

Psalm 46:10

(This was the verse focus for our retreat!!)